Love at first sight?

salukigirl · Feb 02, 2009, 11:50 PM

Ive suddenly become a changed person. My whole life I never really believed in a soul mate or anything like that. I just thought you dealt with relationships; they werent supposed to be fun and make u happy, they were just there. Well now Ive met this guy and I find myself having feelings that I shouldnt be having for months down the road. I feel like Ive known him my entire life already and am extremely confused about all of it. I wanted your opinions....do you guys believe in this "love at first sight"? Or even love within the first day? Id like to believe in it but I keep telling myself Im just being naive. Ive just never had this kind of feeling for a person ever. And I mean ever. So I wanted your guys' opinions on this subject.

robin620 · Feb 03, 2009, 01:51 PM

Love at first sight I'm not sure about, real love takes time to build - just like it takes time to get over. Lust at first sight, that happens. I don't mean that in a bad way I just don't have a better word for it. Lust is a physical feeling that can come up quickly. Love is an emotion that takes longer be real. Sometimes the two can overlap. I'm usually in lust with the man I'm in love with. Sometimes he does things that irk me and the lust is gone, but the love is still there.

Early in relationships it's hard to tell which is which. The lust is so strong it feels like love. Make sure it's your heart that's feeling things, not other parts of your body.

Good luck!

Rhapsody · Feb 04, 2009, 12:12 AM

I am not sure about LOVE at first sight.... but I so believe in NEED at first sight, that which takes place when another person's soul connects with your soul on a deeper spiritual level - your soul know what is needed in your life, mind and heart before you do.

salukigirl · Feb 04, 2009, 02:31 PM

thanks, rhap. thats kinda what i was thinking. its like all of a sudden all the craziness i experienced with other guys just isnt there. he can call girls cute all he wants and it doesnt bother me and it doesnt bother him if i do the same. i dont feel like i have to spend every second with him (the lust part) and i feel like im not experiencing jealousy or possessiveness like i used to. ive actually kind of surprised myself. it was like all of a sudden i felt like that feeling everyone talks about, i knew what that was like now. i feel like were the same on so many levels and it feels really good.

ive heard that, whatever happens during the 1st 2 weeks of a relationship, thats what u can expect to repeat itself the rest of the relationship. and it has been nothing but having fun and thats all. and hes been completely supportive of me wanting to wait to make it sexual which was very surprising for me. hes said the same thing to me. he just keeps saying "im so glad i met you" like everyday. so i get what ur saying rhap. cause ive experienced the lust before and this definately isn't it.

EbonyJW · Feb 04, 2009, 02:46 PM

I personally don't believe in love at ifrst sight. I believe you can have a strong connnection with someone. Just be careful he has feelings the same. But as far as relationships being not happy. I have been married for almost 7 years and been together for 12 years. We have our ups and downs but I am truly happy in my marriage.

mdavis5766 · Feb 06, 2009, 01:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by robin620

Love at first sight I'm not sure about, real love takes time to build - just like it takes time to get over. Lust at first sight, that happens. I don't mean that in a bad way I just don't have a better word for it. Lust is a physical feeling that can come up quickly. Love is an emotion that takes longer be real. Sometimes the two can overlap. I'm usually in lust with the man I'm in love with. Sometimes he does things that irk me and the lust is gone, but the love is still there.

Early in relationships it's hard to tell which is which. The lust is so strong it feels like love. Make sure it's your heart that's feeling things, not other parts of your body.

Good luck!

I agree with you, because me and my ex broke up about three weeks ago, and this girl he brought over three days later he had sex with her all that week and that same week they were saying they were in love, and I just sat there and was like okay but it's actually lust. But I didn't tell him that because he would get all up in arms about it. But I 100% agree with you.

little*rhino · Feb 06, 2009, 08:36 PM

i dont believe in it either... love has kind of gotten watered down in our culture... i don't know how to really say what it is you are feeling, need as in knowing what you need, or need as in unmet needs... they can be different things.

just be careful.. k?

i dont know about that rule about the two weeks... i've been in a lot of abusive and nearly abusive relationships and it took months or longer for that "honeymoon" to wear off... so i dont think there is a rule that applies really.

maybe the positive differences really are big eye-openers? Maybe that sense of wow is knocking you off your feet? If yes, then you gotta wait for that effect to wear off.. then you'll be able to see whether the guy who brought it to your attention still does it for you.

i am happy for you though.. you deserve happiness and fun and love and ahem.. well, more.

GrayNess · Feb 06, 2009, 08:54 PM

I'm not entirely sure on the concept of "love at first sight", mostly due to the big word of "love". Perhaps liking at first sight I can believe but actually loving the person I don't think so. Love involves a deep, strong relationship where you know the person but at first sight, how do you know it's not them faking something? How do you know it's not them trying to impress you and succeeding?

I'm sure people can be more open to liking a person and even tossing around the phrase of "loving them at first sight" but I simply believe they're a very open person and they like that person.

However, remember love at first sight or simply instant affection can be both good and bad, depending on whose weilding its power, so to speak.

ihateit · Feb 07, 2009, 05:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by salukigirl

thanks, rhap. thats kinda what i was thinking. its like all of a sudden all the craziness i experienced with other guys just isnt there. he can call girls cute all he wants and it doesnt bother me and it doesnt bother him if i do the same. i dont feel like i have to spend every second with him (the lust part) and i feel like im not experiencing jealousy or possessiveness like i used to. ive actually kind of surprised myself. it was like all of a sudden i felt like that feeling everyone talks about, i knew what that was like now. i feel like were the same on so many levels and it feels really good.

ive heard that, whatever happens during the 1st 2 weeks of a relationship, thats what u can expect to repeat itself the rest of the relationship. and it has been nothing but having fun and thats all. and hes been completely supportive of me wanting to wait to make it sexual which was very surprising for me. hes said the same thing to me. he just keeps saying "im so glad i met you" like everyday. so i get what ur saying rhap. cause ive experienced the lust before and this definately isn't it.

I have been married 4 times. This marriage is my lasting one, I believe, and have for a long time now, that she is my soul mate, but no, it wasn't love at first sight, lust for sure heh.

It took me a long time to "fall in love" with her, and I am still in love with her 11 years on. Something you wrote concerns me tho, "ive heard that, whatever happens during the 1st 2 weeks of a relationship, thats what u can expect to repeat itself the rest of the relationship." No, that is so false I almost laughed out loud. 11 years now of ups and downs, sometimes yeah, I get that old 1st feelings going, but "newness" is a great feeling, it's something you can't get back once you have been with someone for a long time. Doesn't mean you don't love them, just means that kinda of fire won't last through the relationship/marriage. In the beginning of a relationship people do things they normally would not do, to either impress, or make you think things about them. I didn't fart in front of my wife for 2 years...true story, and an example of what peeps will do. Don't fool yourself you're in a great relationship because you have the "newness" feelings. I agree it's great to feel that way, but let the newness pass and move to a higher lvl of love, where you stay with that person despite the faults you ignored from the beginning are now bothering you, where you accept that ... he farts ... and then you'll know for sure what's what.

salukigirl · Feb 08, 2009, 11:07 PM

i dont mean that the "newness" will continue or that youll be in the honeymoon stage forever. more like....whatever problems arise during the first couple weeks are going to be the problems that continue to arise. i understand that people change and sometimes they grow apart from each other but now that i think about it, the continuing problems between my exes and I had all come about within the first couple weeks. Thats more what im talking about with that.

I definately feel like now Im more skeptical than ever so thats why those feelings are scaring the crap out of me. I mostly just wanted to vent how happy this guy makes me and how much we have in common. I know that true love will take a long time but its just an expression y'know?

AAAAA · Feb 09, 2009, 09:43 AM

Salukigirl I agree with you completely about the problems you have in the beginning, although I hope that it would take longer than a couple of weeks to see these faults

.

salukigirl · Feb 09, 2009, 05:22 PM

well im getting my knowledge from cosmo, and theyve never steered me wrong before lol. i guess after about 30 days a persons true colors are already flying high. they said that most people cant fake a personality for that long so if you go a month with absolutely no conflict, that seems like a pretty good relationship to me. the only problem i could potentially see is that he is head over heels for me lol. and i need some space. but ive told him "im the kind of person that needs her own space sometimes" and he was fine with it. i tell him i want to stay alone some nights or just hang at my house alone and hes cool with it so i dont really even see that being a problem.

thanks everyone for your responses

AdamAW · Feb 09, 2009, 06:19 PM

Well, I wish you the best!

Good luck!

ihateit · Feb 10, 2009, 03:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by salukigirl

well im getting my knowledge from cosmo, and theyve never steered me wrong before lol. i guess after about 30 days a persons true colors are already flying high. they said that most people cant fake a personality for that long so if you go a month with absolutely no conflict, that seems like a pretty good relationship to me. the only problem i could potentially see is that he is head over heels for me lol. and i need some space. but ive told him "im the kind of person that needs her own space sometimes" and he was fine with it. i tell him i want to stay alone some nights or just hang at my house alone and hes cool with it so i dont really even see that being a problem.

thanks everyone for your responses

I dunno about you, but I don't believe everything I read...I do believe in people who have experience in long term relationships, failed or not. I know that when I met my wife for the the first oh 6 months, I had no idea she had mental issues, although I don't think I told her about my Anxiety/Panic either...and it has caused quite a few ups and downs. Again, 2 weeks...no. People put up a front for quite a while during the beginning of a relationship, and you won't see a lot of the "real" them for quite a while. There may be some truth in that somet things may or may not happen, but personally, it's mostly BS to me, all just from my 20 years of failed and almost failed marriages. I do hope it all goes well for you tho.

salukigirl · Feb 10, 2009, 05:27 PM

I prefer to look at the less cynical side of it. Ive been naive and stupid before and have bounced back every single time. So if I choose to believe that it's real while being fully aware of the possible consequences that's my doing. And I'm doing it consciously which is all that really matters, right?

ihateit · Feb 11, 2009, 03:19 AM

It's not cynical, it's reality...but yes, it's your life, I was just trying to help...sorry...apparently my meanings in a few posts aren't coming across, guess I need to learn to articulate better. GL with it!

Malachite · Feb 13, 2009, 11:32 PM

Dear SalukiGirl,

Love at first sight, is definitely, very real. I have experienced it, many times. However, it is most often unrequited. Rarely, is it mutual.

Larry

salukigirl · Feb 17, 2009, 03:01 PM

well this is definitely mutual. actually, he tells me that all the time. I guess my biggest thing is that Ive always thought that relationships were just something we tolerated. And as long as the good outweighed the bad, you were doing better than some other couples. I never imagine in my whole life that there was a guy out there that could actually be my best friend, and my boyfriend at the same time. Feels weird to not even have a slight argument after almost a month. It feels weird to have something that would normally frustrate me all to hell, become fun all of a sudden. I guess I just never really believed in all that stuff until now. Because its been about a month now and we havent even so much as argued for a second or gotten upset at each other or anything. And we compliment each other so things I'm horrible at he's good at and vise versa which works out really well. And we can have fun doing anything. So I guess I should retract my "at first sight" comment and just make it love in general. Cause I didn't even think that true love was really possible.

turquoisesea · Feb 17, 2009, 03:16 PM

I believe in it ...
I think "love at first sight" is a type of love that could me misguided, but that could also be telling you something. Follow it, but be CAREFUL. Double check every step of the way, make sure the relationship you build is a good one. Feelings for someone is one thing, a healthy relationship is another, and that's what you'll want to build

salukigirl · Feb 19, 2009, 02:24 PM

i mean, thus far, keep in mind its only been about a month, weve just had fun doing everything. i think, what hit it home for me, was doing things together that, otherwise, would have frustrated me or pissed me off, but it doesnt with him. i feel like all my crazy goes out the window with him. like i dont get all **** like normal or jealous like normal. and we can just have a good time doing anything. (except playing the new street fighter because we both suck at it lol)

but yeah idk.... hes funny, smart, knows what he wants to do. he's a grad student with a 3.5 and is involved in several student organizations. hes very involved with the school and we go to every basketball game. he's already paid off his car and actually has his finances in order. and i always thought i was the type of person that didnt care about that kind of thing but being with guys who didnt even have a checking account has shown me that financial instability is a sign off other issues so its nice to see that he's got all his stuff together.

sorry...ill quit bragging now haha. thanks everyone for your responses

Feb 19, 2009, 03:02 PM

Is is late often ?
Does he forget to phone ?
Is he good with other peoples children ?
Does he tell them off as well as play with them ?
Is he good with money ?
Is his car nice and tidy ?

Are some of the things I would look at before I considered a life with someone else again.

I was lucky the second time round but not the first.

salukigirl · Feb 19, 2009, 04:36 PM

he is always on time, if not a few minutes early. he always calls when he says he's going to. ive never really seen him around other people's children but he has said he wants kids some day. hes got the time line and everything. about 5 years and he wants to have a child. i have never seen him tell off anybody. he's an extremely laid back person and doesn't get mad at anything really. he really doesn't even vent. he has the same attitude as me with thinking "it'll all work itself out so why worry". he is good with money, has his own car, never pays bills late etc... his car is pretty messy but that's because of the work he does. he's in forestry (conservation) and his masters project involves restoration of giant cane in north america. so he constantly has tools etc... in the back of his car. however, he drives a CRV because he's very environmentally conscious. always turns the lights off to save energy, that type of thing.

he's also really good with technology. he set up my surround sound in like 10 minutes and has taught me a lot about stuff i have that i didn't even know about. I have 3 neieces (and soon to be a 4th niece/nephew but my sister isn't finding out the sex) and will be going back home for my friend's wedding in late summer so that will probably be the first time i'll see him around kids.

he also completely agrees with me about the whole once you break up with someone you get rid of everything. like he doesnt have anything from any of his exes which is nice (especially if you know my story about my last ex). seems like were always doing something new which is nice bc my last boyfriend never wanted to do anything. we're always going to a movie, or a basketball game or like this weekend he's taking me to STL for their Mardi Gras. he loves being outdoors and he has a very positive outlook on life. hes the type of person who can always see the silver lining in every situation which is nice.