[Practice2]

So i'm new to this site .. my boyfriend and i have been together for about a year now, and it seems like the past 6 months all we do is fight. i love him and i love being with him, but we just don't seem to get along. we talk about things, but when it comes down to it he just doesn't seem to try. a lot of the times he doesn't think he does anything wrong (such as saying he'll be over after he gets a shower, but then goes to his buddy's house and the cell phone store first, and doesn't understand why that's rude). i dont know what to do - i really don't want us to break up, but he's just as fed up wiht fighting all the time as i am.

[ihateit]

First off, welcome!

When you fight, what do you fight about? This would be helpful in knowing ... to see what you're figthing about and maybe give some help with it.

Do you mean by "not trying" that he doesn't do exactly what he says?

When he comes to your place eventually, I assume he tells you where he's been...sooo...he's not hiding anything?

Maybe a little more information would help...

[tat2doc]

You don't want to break up, and you both are fed up with fighting all the time?

Soooooo, sit down and talk to each other. Not at each other. Figure out what you both want and start moving towards that goal. Tell him what he does that aggravates you AND what he does that makes you happy. Ask him to do the same thing. And don't forget to tell each other why it aggravates or pleases.

Just remember though that anything after the word "but", is BS. And stay in the present. Bringing up the past is not gonna help you move forward. And avoid the "you did this" crap. If you can keep focused, and stay in the here & now to get to the future, you may just make it.

A little patience, understanding, communication, & forgiveness will take you far.

Good luck!

[Practice2]

we generall fight about the same things - him saying one thing and doing another, him playing video games every single night n if i once in a while ask him to lay wiht me instead he gets all mad (even though he's unemployed at the time n can play games whenever he wants), and my negative attitude about his daughter coming over (which is something i just need to work on) mainly.
he doesn't try becaues we've gone through every issue and talked about them and came to a common ground, but then the next day he does the exact same thing he said he wouldn't anymore. it's like it went in one ear n out the other or something. or, he'll get all defensive if i ask him to call me if he's gonna be late or plans change n he says that's just how he is n me asking to call is trying to change him, when i just see it as common courtesy.
i definately don't think he's hiding anything. he just comes off as inconsiderate and self-centered or something?
thanks!

Originally Posted by ihateit

First off, welcome!

When you fight, what do you fight about? This would be helpful in knowing ... to see what you're figthing about and maybe give some help with it.

Do you mean by "not trying" that he doesn't do exactly what he says?

When he comes to your place eventually, I assume he tells you where he's been...sooo...he's not hiding anything?

Maybe a little more information would help...

[prettyjolie]

Ok, so you are both fed up, but he does nothing? Well, maybe he's saying one thing and doing another because he doesn't care about the relationship and making it work. I'm sorry to be so harsh, but that's what it sound like.
Obviously you have tried to talk to him about it. So if he's not willing to make an effort then why stay with him? Talk to him and tell him that if things don't change, then you can't be together.
Ask him what the problem is. Maybe there's something else going on that you dont know about.. and tell him to put himself in your situation.. like if you were to not call him to let him know that your plans had changed. If he says he doesn't care, then do it once. Don't call him or show up to something. Show him that it's not acceptable.

He really doesn't sound like he wants to be in a relationship, though. If you want to be with someone, you make an effort and not sit around and make them watch you play video games all day. That's just immature.

Good luck

[ihateit]

Originally Posted by Practice2

we generall fight about the same things - him saying one thing and doing another, him playing video games every single night n if i once in a while ask him to lay wiht me instead he gets all mad (even though he's unemployed at the time n can play games whenever he wants), and my negative attitude about his daughter coming over (which is something i just need to work on) mainly.
he doesn't try becaues we've gone through every issue and talked about them and came to a common ground, but then the next day he does the exact same thing he said he wouldn't anymore. it's like it went in one ear n out the other or something. or, he'll get all defensive if i ask him to call me if he's gonna be late or plans change n he says that's just how he is n me asking to call is trying to change him, when i just see it as common courtesy.
i definately don't think he's hiding anything. he just comes off as inconsiderate and self-centered or something?
thanks!

You don't like that he plays video games, or says he'll come over, or do something, than does other things first. Ok, let me tell you what my T once told me, no one owes you anything. It's not common courtesy to him, but it is to you. I am like you, in that I think my wife should tell me if she's doing something and is gonna be late, but she doesn't want to be smothered. We came to the conclusion - If you're going to be more than 30 mins late, pls call so I know at the very least you're ok. Obvously tho, he thinks it's not rude and doesn't owe you anything in regards to explaining where he is.

I agree with Tat - and if he won't sit and talk with you, you owe him nothing either. Tell him I am not trying to change you, I just would like some common ground, and some attn, if video games are your thing fine, but give me some time too. You can't make someone change unless they want too...trust me, I have changed for my wife, because I love her, and I wanted to change, my behaviour was destructive to her, my kids and me...if he loves you, and this behaviour is destructive to you, let him know. If he won't agree to some sort of compromises, and stick to them, you have to do what's best for you.

GL and God Bless!