[ArianeB]

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. Recently I had to move back to my home town because I was unemployed and low on money, and it wasn't working for me to live in his hometown anymore. I had been living with him and part of his life and family for the whole duration of our relationship, but was not able to pursue my career or see my family in his city. We had a few ups and downs before I left, mostly aggravated by the stress of being poor and trying to get ahead in our mutual careers, but before leaving things were very good. We are best friends and really passionate about each other.

Now it's just three weeks later - for the first two weeks apart we had great phone calls and positivity about upcoming visits and moving to a new city together. Since the weekend, however, he has been busy when I call and today he was in quite a state, announcing that he doesn't see any way to fit me into his life, and he doesn't want to try and make a plan together.

I'm just so sad. I know I have to be patient and see what happens, but he has freaked out like this about commitment a few times before, and I don't know if I want a man who sees me as a hindrance to his independence and sense of self, who is always waiting for me to make plans for us or to convince him that we should be together. I'm just about to give up hope that we can have something together in the future. This just breaks my heart because I can't imagine being without him, whether he is on the end of a telephone or by my side.

[RomanSunburn]

Good luck, and I hope you feel better soon



Ro

[ArianeB]

Thanks Ro. I'm trying to be patient and not doubt myself too much. Lots of excercise helps!

[ArianeB]

I'm wondering what the best way to conduct myself is, if he is having all these doubts. On the one hand I'm angry that he is always flip flopping and not taking responsibility for our relationship, but when we talked I was mostly supportive and encouraging him to take some time for himself (he's been unhappy) and see how he feels about us when he's calmed down and is feeling good? What's the best way to show that I care but not be stiffling 'cause I'm worried about losing him?

[Umm_kelly]

Originally Posted by ArianeB

I'm wondering what the best way to conduct myself is, if he is having all these doubts. On the one hand I'm angry that he is always flip flopping and not taking responsibility for our relationship, but when we talked I was mostly supportive and encouraging him to take some time for himself (he's been unhappy) and see how he feels about us when he's calmed down and is feeling good? What's the best way to show that I care but not be stiffling 'cause I'm worried about losing him?

Even though I don't have any advice on this particular problem, I'm going through the same thing. We've now broken up and gotten back together once, and I don't want to push him to spend time with me that he doesn't want to, and I've been trying to instigate a talk on what he thinks about our relationship... I know it sounds hopeless on both of our situations, but I'm not willing to give up on my boyfriend. If you really love and care about yours I don't think you should give up either. I'm going to stick it out until I know there really isn't any hope, and then I'll feel better knowing I've done all I can to help him be happy, and to make it work.

[ArianeB]

It's nice to know that someone else out their understands where I'm at It's tough eh? While yesterday I felt just rotten and panicky - really wanted to do something, to save the relationship - today I feel ready to just do what I need to do and let him do what he needs to. I will still care about him, but I don't want to bend his elbow or anything It will be tough to not feel like I'm trying to please him when we talk tho.

The toughest thing is that feeling like I don't have my best friend, because we are/were super close. Hang in there! How long have you been with your guy? What are some of the difficulties between you?