Stuck In A Polygamist Marriage

Hi everyone . I'm a new member. I have been married for 27yrs. and found out 3yrs. ago that my husband decided to marry another woman (in a religious sense). He is muslim and they believe they can have more than one wife. but not all of them do it. Since I found out, we have been living like roomates and are civil to each. We have 2 children ages 7 & 11. He doesn't want a divorce for the childrens sake and also for financial reasons. I have been holding this secret in for three years and I haven't even told family members. I'm a homemaker so it's not easy for me to support myself and my children on my own. I have no intention of being enemies with him or ruining his relationship with the kids. For now I'm just living day to day. Thanks God for my kids they keep me going.

((( HUGS ))) Sweetheart... You must be in a lot of emotional pain right now - What can we do for you?

hi lynn, glad you felt comfrotable sharing this with us. are you happy with this arrangement? it's your life you have to consider, not just the children. what do u feel you can do? or do u want to do anything about this at all?
hope u will let us know how u feel.if it were me, i'd be reassessing my "marriage".

Hi and thanks for the questions. No I'm very unhappy with arrangement but like I said we are living like roomates (no longer physically involved). If we were to divorce it would have a huge impact on the children since we are already strainded already. At first I really hated him for this but after 3 yrs. I have managed to at least be civil to him. In my mind and heart I don't consider him my husband anymore. Thanks for the note.

Hi Lynn,

I am sorry to hear that you are experiencing a difficult situation. It can be very confusing when someone you love makes a decision that you don't agree with. I think Madisgram's advice is excellent. It sounds like the first step is to ask yourself what you want. Perhaps there is someone you trust in your life who has had a similar experience. Maybe you could ask her how she dealt with the situation. There are some wonderful community support services for women out there. Maybe look one up in your region, and consult with someone who has experience.

I can say as a child of divorce, that when your children grow up they will be happy if you did the right thing for you. Children do well when their parents feel good, together or not. It sounds like you are a sensitive and caring mother.

My thoughts are with you.

Hi Ariane B. , thanks for the kind words and insight into how you felt growing up in a divorced family. Since we are being civil to each other the children don't see fighting. But you're right I do need to find my own happiness and peace which indeed will ultimately reflect on them. A happy mother makes for happy children. I know if we were to live separately we wouldn't be able to afford the lifestyle we're living now and thar would affect them. If I didn't have children it would be easier to pick up and leave. For now I'm just putting all my effort into them. My spouse sees the other woman once a week and they fight most of the time. They truly have a dysfunctional relationship especially since she settles for once a week. Thanks again.