We are back together again....but he's not like before :(

Hi,

The guy that I was dating for two months and then we broke up for three weeks or better to say that he got mad at me and he walked away....now, it's been couple of weeks that we are back together....but it's not like before....before, he used to call me everyday and now he hasn't called me since then....he just text message me or chat with me on gmail....he tries to keep his distance, I can see....he initated to be back together....well...I don't call him either....I don't like to be clingy....last week we saw each other Wed, Thu, Fri and Sunday!!! but Friday and Sunday we were at the dance club, it really doesn't count for me....however, Sunday he walked me home after the club....I dont' know I think he's trying to keep it cool, but I can't....I can't stop thinking negetively like if he's with somebody esle or whatever....although, I don't think he's with anybody else....but this clubing is making me sick....he dances with all girls and exchange phone number....we are 35 years old for god sack acting like teenagers....well....Sunday, I did the same, I gave my phone number to a guy and he saw it and he didn't say anything even....so strange....but I knew that guy from before, he's kinda friend, however, my boyfriend doesn't know that I knew him before....
I dont' know what to do with my emotional swings....he was looking into my eyes and I feel that he wants me....he's easy to read....
I know I got to wait and see how it goes....but it's killing me....
It feels that he's punishing me somehow....the other part, I was seeing that he was text messaging on the club and I know he's text messaging other girls, because he said at the end of the club....he told the other guy friend of us that "oh the other girls went to the other club"....I really dont' think I like this situation at all....I feel not going to the club anymore....it's really bugging me.....
I really need to have a partner, but I can't understand why it's like this....why it's so difficult to get close to another human being? why?
what should I do? how can I stay calm and relax? anxiety is killling me!

thanks for reading my PM
Marjan

Marjan, I personally think that he is not ready for real deep committed relationship with you yet. He came back perhaps for comfort,security or even sexual needs, I don't know.

If I were you, I would try and get involve with other groups and activities and keep meeting other people and have a life of your own beside seeing him. I think keeping the relationship as just mutual but close friends is a good way to go. That way you both have less expectation of each other and would avoid each other.

Don't lose hope in getting close to another human being, there are lots of good ones around. Give yourself time but what is important is to live a life that you love now.

Wish you the best

Marjan, you have answered your own question. You are a 35 year old woman, acting like a teenager and trying to have a relationship with a man/boy who relates to you and others like a teenager.

Be the grown, adult woman you are. Don't accept less from the men in your life, expect them to act like men who have had some experience in life and want a committed relationship with a woman their own age.

Personally I don't think you will find someone like that at dance clubs. Go live your own life. Take care of the things that should be your priority in your life: yourself, your children, your job and any other responsibilities you have. In being yourself and taking care of who and what you should be taking care of, that is where you may find someone who is capable of giving you the relationship you need.

Trying to force a relationship to happen in an artificial setting is bound to end in disappointment and frustration. You deserve real love from a real man who is responsible and ready to act his age and be a real partner to you. That is who you should be looking for. Do not waste your precious time, your precious self, on others who are not worthy of you.

Thanks.....
Both of you are right....I'm just wasting my time here....He is 35 years old and He's telling me that he wants to get settle down, but he doesn't act like the one....I think he just see me as a good package and keeping me in a side...It's really sad
He hasn't called me since Sunday....just last night, he text messaged me....so pethetic....it's like a child...He's not brave enough to pick up a phone and give me a call....Today a mutal friend is posting on my facebook to go out tomorrow night and then he's commenting on it while he could see me online on gmail....he could directly asking me.....
I'm living my life and I do stuff that I have to do.....but it's good to have somebody in my life....but it looks like as much as I try, I don't get any....
No, I don't have plan to call him or get in touch with him at all....even my feelings towards him is fading....how can I like somebody who doesn't care about me? It's really difficult....
I hope for the best....
thanks again for your input....you guys are right....
Marjan