[salukigirl]

Is it possible to just flat out change the way you communicate with a person? After a while I start to think that it's just me, but I can't understand how, with certain people, everything you say is interpreted as an attack? Even if I say it with a smile, its met by a defensive remark. I'm almost at my wit's end and can't, for the life of me, figure out how to fix it. Like I can pinpoint the problem, but have absolutely no idea how to solve it. I want to believe that people can learn to communicate effectively with each other and lose the feeling that everything is an attack but don't know how to go about it? And admittedly, I'm guilty of it too. I, too, interpret things as an attack just because of a simple tone change that was unintentional in the first place. Anyone know what I'm talking about or have any ideas? I am at a loss.

[bipolo]

I have been accused to speaking with a harsh tone, even when I didn't think I was. There were times when I tried really hard to pay attention to what I say and how I say it, but some times the recieving person is going to hear what they want to hear no matter what you do. I do know that I can have a harsh tone to my voice. I have even gotten books to try to re-learn how I talk to others, specially my husband, but may of those books talk about how the other person should be responding. So the other person also has to "re-learn" how to listen for the communication to work. Some times you just have to know that your are trying to be as sincere as you can be and can't worry how the other person is recieving you.

[salukigirl]

I know that I can be a bit abrasive but when I'm told "youre yelling at me" I never think I am. Its just really frustrating because half the time the problem is being able to pinpoint exactly what the issue is. So it's even more frustrating knowing what the issue is but not being able to fix it. I know that people are going to hear what they want, I just don't know why it always comes across as an attack? And I think that after almost 3 decades of having one communication style, it'd probably be pretty impossible to change it y'know? Thanks for the response.