Love affair with therapist please help :(

i dont even know if i am in the right place but i need help i am so confused. I admitted to my therapist that i have strong sexual and emotional feelings towards him. He told me he felt the same way and we kissed and touched each other. It has happened twice now and i cant get him out of my head. I am utterly obsessed by him and cant think of anything else but him. I cant sleep i cant think and dream all day about being with him. To make things worse i am married. I have never cheated no my husband in the 15 years we have been together but this guy has me hooked and it scares me how obsessed i have become. i love him him so much and he has sexually made me feel in ways i havent for years. Its like a drug i cant give up. I need him and want him so badly my whole body aches. I cant be without him and so confused scared and in utter love. i feel so alone *cries*

I had my sixth session with my T,she's runnin me crazy.She was so close to me in this session I couldn't hardly control myself.She was so nervous that she couldn't even talk to me about my issue.She kept asking me when I'm gonna tell her how I really feel about her.I was so shock I just stared at her.I wonder what the next session going to be about.

Ohh boy. First of all, you need some hugs. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

Second of all, this therapist is not going to be good for you, and this is fully his fault (please remember this!). I know you want him so much.. but this is hurting you so much... This is so unfair allme. It's really so unfair. And you are in such a bind when a T does this. Hurts to stay, hurts to leave, he's in your head and your heart and everywhere. And now you have to deal with your husband and all this that you have to hide from him. Oh I'm so sorry. Your T really, really messed up.

I recommend going to see another T to discuss what to do now. You are in such a bind and you have no support right now for what you're going through. The person who was supposed to support you in everything is now a part of the problem. Stopping therapy with your T would be the best solution, but that may be very, very difficult right now. If it's too painful to stop seeing your current T, can you please, please do a consultation with another professional in your area? To discuss exactly what happened with your T? You are going to need someone with experience and a good deal of wisdom. I highly recommend seeing someone with at least 10 years of experience, preferably more.

Please let us know if you are ok. You have our support.

Well said Jexa. I second each and every word. The fact that you have come here for some support allme suggests you know something is wrong with this picture and you need help to get your head thinking clearly again.

What your T did is so wrong on so many levels. Please take this to another professional to help you sort it through.

I understand. Been in love with my t for 6 years, and we have discussed in in depth. Unfortunately, he struggles with his feelings for me. I told him that I would rather be in pain WITH him, than in pain without....him. It is a very difficult situation. It is a relationship like no other. There really isn't anything anyone can say that will help. It is something you have to deal with by yourself. Getting asnother t of course, is what everyone recommends...to process this situation, but when you are in it, it is almost impossible to want to do that.

Thanks :-) So I have been thinking about him all day today. i flooded his phone with txt messages last night and again today i cant stop txting him. This really is like no other feeling and feels so special but at the same time I know it is wrong. i am married for gods sake. We havent had sex yet but without a doubt it will happen. I love him , i cant ever stop seeing him he makes me feel so good. But he is old enough to be my dad! But i dont care. Oh i dont know what to do it is killing me and has triggered a bad low with my bi polar. i just cant see how this is going to end. Probably with me in hospital. I need help.

I remembered seeing something here on PC talking about falling in love with one's therapist but I couldn't find any of it to leave a link for you to read. I did find some other links on the subject worth reading.

What you are experiencing isn't so uncommon. It even has a name. Erotic Transferance. The fact that it is not uncommon should suggest to you that this is not the same kind of love that you share with your husband. It is a kind of therapeutic love. A competent therapist would know this and would not allow his own transferance issues to cause him to take advantage of the situation. A competent therapist would not engage with you in overt actions. Your therapist has crossed the line and aside from the harm he is doing to you he can loose his license over this.

If I were you I would take some time to learn about erotic transferance and perhaps if you can focus your intellect on reality then your emotions will be less able to consume you with fantasy.

Your feelings are real and the attraction is real but it isn't healthy and it will end and it will not end well. You have so much to loose. Before you put it on the line be sure you know why. This is not so uncommon. There is a psychological explanation.

Balance your emotions with knowledge and hopefully you will gain a different perspective on what is going on. This is not the kind of love you might think it is.

Here are a couple of links you might read but otherwise google erotic transferance. Don't be fooled by your feelings. We all know that can be dangerous. Balance your feelings with understanding. Please inform yourself before you get any more entangled in this web.

http://www.psychiatrymmc.com/display...eID=article332
http://www.guidetopsychology.com/ero...ansference.htm
http://resources.atcmhmr.com/poc/vie...id=25025&cn=91

This may come across as sounding harsh and I dont mean it that way but, you are probably not the first or only patient he has done or is doing this to. And you really need to stop and think about the fact that he is going to choose not getting caught over a relationship with you. He will eventually lose his entire career because he is using his job to pray on people who are in a vulnerable situation. Its not going to end well and you arent the only one who is going to get hurt, your husband is going to be hurt, if you have kids they are going to get hurt, so you really need to stop and think about weither or not this old guy is actually worth it. Also keep in mind, therapists arent the same outside of therapy they are just like everyone else and if he is willing to break ethics and mess around with a client what else is he willing to do? He obviously doesnt know how to do his job and he obviously has no respect for you since you are his client and espeically because you are married. Sorry to sound so frank with you, I had the same feelings for my former therapist and he had them for me and it made him so angry that he one had feelings for me and two that I wouldn do anything that he actually began to emotionally abuse me. You need to get far away from him and turn him in. He is a danger to you and to other clients.

An exert from one of the links I posted.....
The Importance of Maintaining Appropriate Boundaries

If the therapist experiences sexual feelings for a patient, the therapist may become either inappropriately involved with the patient or aloof toward the patient in an effort to maintain emotional distance.[7] Either of these responses can cause further injury to the patient. Novice therapists in particular may have trouble negotiating the boundary between distancing themselves from patients and becoming overly involved. The beginning therapist may be frightened of the patient’s intense emotions and tend to ignore or overreact to them. Although the novice may have read about sexualized transference, he or she may be tempted to deny its power when working with a patient because of lack of confidence in one’s ability to manage it or because he or she believes that others will see this identification of sexualized transference as clinically inaccurate or based on their own narcissism.[3] These issues should be carefully addressed in supervision or peer consultation if needed, so that therapy can progress while appropriate boundaries are carefully maintained and no serious boundary violations occur.

The appropriate boundaries have already been violated. You need to find the strength within yourself to get away from him. Another therapist can help you to understand this dynamic and get you back on track with the work you went to psychotherapy to do. Don't give up on yourself by letting this situation take over you life. You deserve so much better than this.

I wish you only wellness. Take good care. Please know I care.

Get AWAY from this therapist immediately. He is abusing you plain and simple. Don't hang around and leave yourself open to more abuse. He needs to have his license taken away.

Hey Allme
An echo of what has been said - the insanity of your feelings is a true sign of the trouble you are in.
Your therapist crossed the line. He has created such pain and confusion for you, maybe damaged your marriage of 15 years? This is only bad.

Please protect yourself - Do not go back. Call a hotline (RAINN or a sexual assault hotline) if you are feeling out of control, get some online counseling. Ask for help from another counselor - a woman may be safest for you at this time. Save yourself and your marriage while you can, BEFORE this guy tries to have sex with you.
The sticky thread in this forum will give you information about what to do when you are in an abusive situation with a therapist - and you are in one!
http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=128029

Good luck, it will be hard BUT you will have support here for keeping yourself safe.

thanks again guys and I hear what you are saying. thanks also for advice and links its very helpful :-) I dont look on it as abuse because I initiated the whole thing and I told him I would of felt the same way if we had met under normal circumstances. He also told me how wrong he knew he was being but because I told him I would have been attracted to him anyway somewhere else I guess he then thinks he is not abusing me? My biggest concern right now is my husband. I love him and he has stuck by me through some tough times. I am going to see another professional while still seeing the t I love to see if they can help me put this into perspective. Man if this guy has taken advantage of me I will be so angry. He told this has never happened to him before. Who knows. What i do know is that this cant end nicely so undertand getting away from him. I just dont know how which is why i am going to get extra help and hopefully the next one wont be the same and will help me leave my current therapist. i love my hubby and want this all to stop now just wish i did feel so strong for him sexually.0thanks guys you have been very helpful :-)

Hi Allme,
you went to your therapist because you need help. Now you're completely off track and caught in the midst of a forbidden temptation. Since he's an older gentleman, I can almost guarantee he's done this before and ruined a few lives. Think of your husband and your children. Your husband is trusting this man to take care of you and help you. Your therapist is a violator and an abuser - he wants sex. He takes advantage of vulnerable women. This is very serious. I urge you to report him and never see him again. God only knows how many women, he's hurt. Think of him with other women. He may even have other patients right now, who he's having sex with. See him for who he really is. Lets just imagine fora minute you divorce your husband and marry him - how can you ever trust he won't do this again. This is a game to him. Please do the right thing.

You DO know how. Just DON'T go back and DON'T have any further contact with him. PERIOD. Don't prolong this leaving thinking it will somehow get easier. It won't. You don't need "extra" help; you need different help. When you say you need another therapist to "help me leave my current therapist" it sounds like you plan on going back. Don't do it. It's a huge mistake.

I was so shocked when I read this post. The bond between therapist and client is based on trust. And being married for 15 years, hubby will know somethings up. When you kissed, he discounted your marriage and your vulnerability as well as his career. He needs to be out of practice. This isn't love at all...it is selfish need on his part and he knew better. This situation cannot end without pain. Your therapist can no longer healthy or objective towards you. I am so sorry this had to happen to you. Should it continue, and you cross one of his boundaries, you will have your eyes opened in a really rude way. He has that advantage as he knows so much about you...that is one reason they call it abuse. Please take care of you and your family.

ok I am due to see him tuesday. I am going to try and not see him. i cant explain the spell he has me under. For the next few days i am going to try and re connect with my husband. Man how did this happen I thought I was special to T. In told me nobody has ever tempted him before. God give me strength to do the right thing. God give me strength to see this is not real love. Ok I am going to try but its going to be so hard not to see him again.

Just keep reading and re reading the posts here and get an appointment with another T asap.

You can do this. Yes you can!

The spell he has over you are all the things you ever told him. He has the power and education to manipulate you any way he wants. This is abuse.

Cancel your appointment. Then going is not even an option.

As Sanity Seeker said, this is a very common thing - erotic transference. A good doctor/therapist would recognize and handle this properly. You said "I thought I was special to T" - I'm sure he's done this to other women. I HIGHLY doubt this has never happened before and this is just another form of manipulation. For you this feels like love, but he's deceiving you - this is clearly JUST sex for him - another conquest. Once you have sex a few times, the thrill will diminish and you'll be left waiting for his next move. It will be downhill from there. What ever problem that drew you to him, will now be mountainous. You'll then be left with the burden of infedelity. You need a new therapist who can help you with this. In reality the sex won't be nearly as good, as you think it will be. You're right this isn't real love. I'm glad you want to reconnect with your husband. The very best thing to do is cut him off completely - that would really shake him up. He could get in serious trouble for what he did, even if he touched you. He's an abuser and I pray you can see this.

I am so glad I have found you guys thank you so much for helping me figure this out. I havent txt him today and dont plan to. Instead i am going to spend the weeken concentrating on my husband. I truly know I shouldnt go to my new appointment. i cant honestly say right now what i will do but i will keep reading all your replies and try to draw strength from that. I just dont want to believe this guy has manipulated me, its too hard to think that I feel like such a tramp

You are not a tramp. That's the effect he has had on your thinking, but it isn't reality. I really encourage you to just cancel the appointment so going is not even an option. Don't leave that door open.

I want to but just cant I have never felt so weak. I will try and txt him to cancel the appointment. I say try with very little hope. A big problem is he visits my work place to see other people from my work place so even if i cancel i am still going to bump in to him. and do i tell my hubby? I want to tell him but dont want to hurt him. Now i am crying again. I just dont know what to do. My feelings are so over powering for him. I think its best i wait until i see this new therapist before i try to leve the first one. I am gonna need the support. Thanks for not judging me guys

I agree.

This guy is bad news. It just doesn't get more unethical than this. You should stay away from him. Find a different therapist.

You might consider reporting him, as this kind of behavior really indicates that he shouldn't be a therapist.

Yes, I agree with the others -- he's almost certainly done this with other patients as well.

-Far

Allme - you're a vulnerable person at the moment, so please don't judge yourself. You're not a tramp. Anyone who encourages someone to cheat on their spouse, is EVIL. I'm a person who been cheated on and I can honestly say, I've never felt such pain. I beg of you, not to do this to your husband and for yourself. Do you have children? For a few minutes of pleasure you're ruining your marriage and jeapardizing your emotional well being. If I could, I would cancel it for you lol - this is how passionate of feel for what he's doing. I wonder if he has any complaints against him. I wonder how many women's lives he's ruined? No one's blaming you for falling in love because he has manipulated you. See him for who he really is - a nasty unethical person. I want you to re-frame and re-think how to see him. He's not a man who suddenly has been taken for the 1st time with you, his patient. He's a man who derives sexual pleasure by manipulating his patients. Women are his conquests and he has no intention of making you well. He is taking advantage of the 'upper hand' he has over you. Get your strength from knowing who he really is - it's time to get mad. He's not worth it. BTW is he married?