[LearningMe01]

This was just about admitting my feelings to T, and how I thought it was supposed to make me feel better, but really hasn't. I had a longer post here, but I delete all my really personal posts after a certain amount of time. You never know who's going to come across it.

[mazing]

Admitting your feelings is extremely difficult and doesn't always have immediate results but it is part of a process of trust.

Give yourself time Being honest about feelings shows a great deal of strength and courage.

[LearningMe01]

Originally Posted by mazing

Admitting your feelings is extremely difficult and doesn't always have immediate results but it is part of a process of trust.

Give yourself time Being honest about feelings shows a great deal of strength and courage.

Thank you I have needed to do it for a long time, but never thought I could. Funny, when T told me it was "Brave" of me, I kinda felt like she was patronizing me, but when you (or other people) tell me it was "strong and courageous" it feels good. Weird, maybe something to discuss in therapy?

[0w6c379]

Originally Posted by LearningMe01

Thank you I have needed to do it for a long time, but never thought I could. Funny, when T told me it was "Brave" of me, I kinda felt like she was patronizing me, but when you (or other people) tell me it was "strong and courageous" it feels good. Weird, maybe something to discuss in therapy?

I agree that saying you are "brave" is patronizing and noncommittal of T. I would expect a response that displays some kind of "feeling" for you. Even if it's not reciprocal on the level of your affection. A therapist should know better than to respond like that and leave you hanging and vulnerable.

[LearningMe01]

Originally Posted by Michelle25

I agree that saying you are "brave" is patronizing and noncommittal of T. I would expect a response that displays some kind of "feeling" for you. Even if it's not reciprocal on the level of your affection. A therapist should know better than to respond like that and leave you hanging and vulnerable.

I agree Michelle. She said the "brave" thing at the end of our session. She's a grad student and still learning, so I think she meant well...but yea, it kind of made me feel even more embarassed.
She said at one point "well, it's not like we can go out for coffee"

I said "I know, but if it was allowed, I would absolutely ask you out for coffee"

I then added "and I know I'm being rather presumptuous even thinking you would want to go...but"

She said "well, I can't really say if I would or wouldn't. Reason being, it could create a fantasy"

I asked her to elaborate and she said

"Well, what would it mean to you if I told you I would like to have coffee with you?"

uuugh. I really didn't need her to analyze what my feelings "mean to me". Just to acknowledge them.

She tries....and she really does mean well....I think she just gets a little stuck sometimes. I also think I caught her off guard with this.

None the less, nothing has changed on my part. I'm not sure it ever will. Life can be unfair.

[0w6c379]

No one can stop you from having the fantasy if you want it. That's the beauty of a fantasy, no one has to show up for it. However, to me, saying that she would be helping you to create a fantasy if she said she would go for coffee with you (if it were allowed) is a form of rejection. She is saying that it would never happen and that is rejection in my book. Sorry she responded to you in this way. I know how much that hurts.

[LearningMe01]

you're right, it was a form of rejection. It was a "we're not allowed so it's not going to happen" rejection. I expected it, which is why it took me so long to open up. But the feelings were starting to get in the way of me "opening up" during therapy, she picked up on it and asked me why I "close off" sometimes, that's when I dropped the bomb. I thought maybe it would help me somehow, but really all it did was confirm what I already knew. Didn't change my feelings

[0w6c379]

I would be interested to know how your next session goes with T LearningMe. Do you think you will be able to continue to open up with her, in spite of the rejection? Did it affect your trust in the relationship? Maybe if you just push forward with things, in time, you will be able to rely again on your initial connection with her. From what I've read here on PC, it sounds like that "connection" some people have with T is very important to healing and if it does not exist in the relationship then you might not get very far in recovery. I don't know very much about it myself. Try to keep us posted o.k.?

[LearningMe01]

Originally Posted by Michelle25

I would be interested to know how your next session goes with T LearningMe. Do you think you will be able to continue to open up with her, in spite of the rejection? Did it affect your trust in the relationship? Maybe if you just push forward with things, in time, you will be able to rely again on your initial connection with her. From what I've read here on PC, it sounds like that "connection" some people have with T is very important to healing and if it does not exist in the relationship then you might not get very far in recovery. I don't know very much about it myself. Try to keep us posted o.k.?

I'm interested to see how it goes also. We kinda left it hanging last time (well I mean, not really hanging - she made it pretty clear.) I'm sure it will be the topic of our next session, and possibly more after that. I don't think it affected my trusting her. I mean, she didn't do anything wrong, and I knew how it was going to go before I even brought it up. Perhaps that's why it took me so long to say it. It's one thing to "know" how it's going to go in your head, it's a little more painful once it's confirmed. She was really quite gentle with me though. Being so new, I've "called her out" on a few things I didn't agree with (things she's said) and she's always very receptive and readily admits that she's still learning. It is a little concerning to me, the fact that she is so new, because I'm afraid she might not know exactly how to handle it from this point on, I'm not sure this has ever happened to her yet. I'm willing to work with her though, because despite my feelings for her, I do value our therapist/client relationship. We've been "working together" for a long time now and have both admitted to learning from each other. The only thing I wish I knew she understood is this: My feelings for her as a therapist, and my feelings for her as a person are two entirely different entities. I don't care about her only because she helps me in therapy. I like her as a person as well. The glimpses I get to see of her character really impress me, she's just my "type" of person (friend or otherwise). I tried to make that very clear in our last session, but I feel I may have to reiterate next time. I will keep you posted.

[Moodswing]

Originally Posted by LearningMe01

This was just about admitting my feelings to T, and how I thought it was supposed to make me feel better, but really hasn't. I had a longer post here, but I delete all my really personal posts after a certain amount of time. You never know who's going to come across it.

How did you delete your posts? I wanted to delete some and could not figure out how.

[LearningMe01]

Hey Moodswing, I just "edited" it and erased what I had written. You have to replace it with something else (you can't completely delete the thread) and I think you only have like 4 hours to edit it.

[LearningMe01]

Just a quick update....actually, there is really nothing to update. She didn't bring it up, not once. Neither did I, but I'll be damned if I'm going to throw myself under that "embarrassment bus" again. I was kinda hoping she would, because I have some more I could say about it...but alas, we both acted as though last session never happened. Hmmmph.

[LearningMe01]

Well, still nothing. I guess It's something she'd rather just not discuss any further. Or maybe I'm supposed to bring it up? uugh.

I mean, I guess it doesn't really matter anyway. No need to beat a dead horse.

[geezusz]

Originally Posted by LearningMe01

Well, still nothing. I guess It's something she'd rather just not discuss any further. Or maybe I'm supposed to bring it up? uugh.

I mean, I guess it doesn't really matter anyway. No need to beat a dead horse.

Honestly from the sound of it, you are darned if you do and darned if you don't. If you can, get yourself out of that catch 22.

I understand how you feel, and, if you need someone to relate to, you can pm me.