[Nymph]

So, I'm new to this forum, but after reading some of the threads I've been thinking about something. You see, I've been looking online for a therapist and I'm a girl and I'd prefer a male T. And some of the pictures that the male T's have posted are pretty good looking and they're handsome people. So this got me wondering if it's possible to just be attracted- even madly attracted-to a therpist simply because he or she is handsome or pretty without it being dubbed "erotic transference?" i mean, you don't have to be attracted to a therapist only because they're non-judgemental, and caring, and the perfect listener, and because of the intense intimacy, right? What if you just like them? And if you told your T that you are attracted to them just cuz you are, are they likely to believe you?? All responses are welcome, and BTW I have no intentions of choosing a T based off looks. I think that might be catastrophic for me.

[secretworld]

Interesting thought . I was not attracted to my T at first, but am now. She was attractive in her online picture but that turned out to be old. I didn't care, and I have deep feelings for her now. So I learned something there. I would think the probability of being termed would be higher in what your describing.

[0w6c379]

I'm no therapist but I definitely think it's possible to be attracted to a T without there being transference. I've never been big on the outer physical looks of men. I don't find many that turn my head at all never mind confining it to male T's. I don't think you'd want to pick a T based on his appearance. I chose mine based on his specialty and convenience of location. That should help you narrow down the list a bit for yourself. After seeing a T every week for a long time, you do get to know them as a person and can certainly fall for them if your personalities "click". If you told your T that you were attracted to them I think they would believe you except they might think it's transference. They might not believe it's real at first because they are psych minded. I question if they can tell the difference between real affection and that of transference. I think more often than not they categorize any "feelings" you have for them as transference simply because it's easier for them to put it in that category rather than believe it could be real. I can't say I would know how to recognize transference myself. I only know my own feelings and what is real and what is just an infatuation. Good thread btw.

My T is of the opinion that two people can just be attracted to each other, even in the context of a therapy relationship. We would have liked each other no matter where or how we met.

[growlithing]

Yeah, if I see a guy and I'm attracted to him on a physical level, that has nothing to do with his occupation. However, I imagine that having a smoking hot T that is nice to me would make me EXTREMELY vulnerable to falling for him and even if I didn't, it would really affect the therapy because I'd be scared that I was going to. I couldn't do that. Any particular reason why you want a male T?

[nicoleflynn]

Transference is just a fancy word for feelings. We are attracted to....whoever we are attracted to. If I had met my t in another place, I would have been attracted to him.

[Lauliza]

I think you can absolutely be attracted to and even have strong feelilngs for your T without it being strictly "transference". I agree that T's and Pdocs may prefer to use the term transference so they can keep the issue on a more clinical and less personal level. Really transference takes place in most relationships, especially romantic ones. If your T is hot, then you are just that more vulnerable to attraction and becoming infatuated. If you find a T of the opposite sex attractive before you've met, I would try to find a different one. But that's just me. It's easy to get attached in therapy anyway, so I think if you find him/her physically appealling from the get-go it would be even harder.

[FeelTheBurn]

Attraction is different from transference. If you want to jump in the sack with your new T right off the bat, that's most likely just plain ol' chemistry. And there is really nothing therapeutically damaging about thinking your T is hot and letting those thoughts run through your head; it's fun! It becomes a more delicate situation when you start wanting to act on those feelings, or when exercising those feelings becomes the primary motivation for therapy, or you're suffering real pain from unrequited desires and/or love. Then, it needs to be aired out and examined for what it can teach you, and to put those feelings in perspective and keep them from dominating your emotional life.

As nicoleflynn said, it really is just...feelings. And learning to know and deal with them is part of why we're in therapy to begin with.

[Nymph]

Originally Posted by Michelle25

If you told your T that you were attracted to them I think they would believe you except they might think it's transference. They might not believe it's real at first because they are psych minded. I question if they can tell the difference between real affection and that of transference. I think more often than not they categorize any "feelings" you have for them as transference simply because it's easier for them to put it in that category rather than believe it could be real.

I agree with you about their categorizing any romantic feelings as transference since that's kinda how they've been trained to think of it, and in most cases it probably is.

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

My T is of the opinion that two people can just be attracted to each other, even in the context of a therapy relationship. We would have liked each other no matter where or how we met.

My kids are cool, did your T actually tell you that he/she liked you? How does that play out in therapy? If my T actually liked me I'd feel like prey, probably because I'm waaaayyyy younger than most of the male (even female) T's in my area.

Originally Posted by growlithing

Yeah, if I see a guy and I'm attracted to him on a physical level, that has nothing to do with his occupation. However, I imagine that having a smoking hot T that is nice to me would make me EXTREMELY vulnerable to falling for him and even if I didn't, it would really affect the therapy because I'd be scared that I was going to. I couldn't do that. Any particular reason why you want a male T?

If I had a female T, I'd probably perceive her as either hostile and judgemental, or smothering and maternal, neither of which I want. That leaves only one gender left, and besides I grew up w/o a dad so it's probably an attention thing too. The likelihood of me choosing a female T is a flat out zero.

Originally Posted by FeelTheBurn

Attraction is different from transference. If you want to jump in the sack with your new T right off the bat, that's most likely just plain ol' chemistry. And there is really nothing therapeutically damaging about thinking your T is hot and letting those thoughts run through your head; it's fun!

I'm not gonna lie...this sounds pretty awesome!I almost wish this would happen

Anyway, yeah there is one guy that seems okay and he's moderately sexy and seemingly in his 30s, idk really that's just a guess. And I could go see the counselors at my college, but they're all women plus it's summer so... And just so you"ll know, I'm not the kinda girl who would attempt to seduce a T or really any guy, so whatever fantasy I'm concocting would never happen. Thanks for responding

Originally Posted by Nymph

My kids are cool, did your T actually tell you that he/she liked you? How does that play out in therapy? If my T actually liked me I'd feel like prey, probably because I'm waaaayyyy younger than most of the male (even female) T's in my area.

He did actually say that, but not in a way that made me feel like prey. It was in the context of discussing that we have a mutual attraction, and we would have had that attraction no matter how we met. We each get to have our feelings, but we do not get to act upon them. Also, he's only a few years older than me, so it's not like I'm some young, innocent kid he can take advantage of.

[Nymph]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

He did actually say that, but not in a way that made me feel like prey. It was in the context of discussing that we have a mutual attraction, and we would have had that attraction no matter how we met. We each get to have our feelings, but we do not get to act upon them. Also, he's only a few years older than me, so it's not like I'm some young, innocent kid he can take advantage of.

Sorry for the late, late response, but WOW! I was told that therapists aren't supposed to talk about their feelings for their clients. Basically paraphrasing, that therapy is a "one way street." But I don't think that's necessarily fair. It could definitely help with validating a client's reciprocal feelings and the perceived feelings directed towards them, making them seem less imaginary or whatever. He seems honest.

BTW, I love your name and you seem pretty cool yourself.

[JeffPowers]

I've been in love with my T for over four years. In an unrelated conversation recently, she told me transference didn't work for me. She won't explain what she meant; only asked me what I thought she meant. My take on it is she might think that I actually am in love with her, not somebody that I imagine her to be. That certainly is how I look at it.

[bellanorine]

I have been going to therapy with numerous therapists for at least 20 yrs.
I HAVE NEVER HAD A THERAPIST STATE THEY HAD FEELINGS FOR ME. I am a Registered Nurse. Therapist and patient is a professional relationship.

If a patient feels sexually attracted to a therapist especially immediately this is in NO WAY
transference. I think anyone should immediately tell their therapist about how they are feeling. The therapist should either not treat the patient or explain to them immediately in no uncertain terms that this will be a professional relationship only, and if they cannot keep their attraction out of the therapeutic relationship then they should find another therapist.

It is totally inappropriate for a nurse or physician to do or say anything to a patient that may be interpreted as sexual. The therapeutic relationship is the same.

Maybe some patients need to read the standards that a counselor is supposed to adhere to.
These are public and can be found on the internet.

Code of Ethics
AMHCA members follow the highest professional standards and pledge to abide by this code.
Code of Ethics
of the American Mental Health Counselors Association
2000 Revision

The strongest feelings I have had for one of my therapist is that He was the only thing keeping me from total insanity and suicide. In my opinion (I am not an MD) this was transference. I felt as if I could not live without my therapy sessions, MY FEELINGS WERE IN NO WAY SEXUAL.