[Hopelesspoppy]

Sorry to be a flake, but that's not news. Because of my past behavior, I was thinking that I needed to reassure you that I had no attacks in the pipeline, and indeed to not anticipate that there will be. I have focused a lot on that. But in my heart I realize that as logical and rational that may be, I was reaching out.
In all of these years we have said it all. I cannot conceive of a meeting where we definitively say goodbye forever. As you once said, we are stuck together. But I doubt that there is more we can really say/communicate that will not land us in the exact same place.
I am terrified at the thought of meeting with you. And I strongly feel that you are better off with me out of the picture. Problem is, I can't forgive myself, move forward, or have any faith on my own.
But, again, it is my issue, not yours.

Did he send that to you??

[Jungatheart]

You sent that to him, correct? Did he respond?

[Hopelesspoppy]

Originally Posted by Jungatheart

You sent that to him, correct? Did he respond?

Yes I sent it. He responded the next day. "If you want us to see each other let me know and I will set up a time. No more texting".
I've not responded back. Can you understand now why I'm terrified?

[Hopelesspoppy]

Originally Posted by seradjernie

Did he send that to you??

NO. I sent it to him.

[Jungatheart]

Wo. Do you know what you are going to do?

[WhiteClouds]

Oh wow. You are a brave one. I must say.

Wow, this is toxic he's definitely in control isn't he. "you let me know and I'll sort it out, oh and stop texting"

Get out get out get out.

[Hopelesspoppy]

Thanks to all for the support. No WC, I am not particularly brave because we have had this discussion (more or less) literally at least a dozen times. On this issue we are honest. What will I do JAH? Hopefully nothing. I've been down this path enough.
But it is hard, having been through so much of my life with him-in spite of everything, he has been my primary source of comfort and support. We also genuinely like each other and get along really well. Unfortunately, the circumstances are what they are and I always knew that it could not end happily. Thanks again and good luck to all of us!

[SkinnySoul]

"No more texting."
Ouch, that one was harsh. Either you've sent him like 1000 messages and he ran out of patience, or he is really arrogant. He could've said it more politely at least.
I'm sorry you got this response. Your message was brave. Maybe you should consider a new T, a more compassionate one...?

[Hopelesspoppy]

Originally Posted by SkinnySoul

"No more texting."
Ouch, that one was harsh. Either you've sent him like 1000 messages and he ran out of patience, or he is really arrogant. He could've said it more politely at least.
I'm sorry you got this response. Your message was brave. Maybe you should consider a new T, a more compassionate one...?

Thanks, but this is such a pattern that I don't even get offended anymore. No, I do not bombard him with texts or any kind of messaging. I do tend to send out signals and then disappear, and I can understand how annoying it must be after a while. I am NOT exonerating what he's done to me in any way at all, and everything I wrote in that text is true and has been said a zillion times before. He's often offered me times and I have simply not responded. I know he's telling me that I need to either confront the situation with him or not...we have a very long history and know each other very well - so given that context- yes, he is a jerk -no, his response was neither unusual or entirely unmerited, harsh as it sounds. Thank you so much for the support. It has helped tremendously.

[Jungatheart]

Pay attention to others feedback. What he said was harsh! I hear him shaming you. Let others validate this for you.

I get how you could not feel offended, or even feel as if you might be deserving of it - only b/c I have been there. One time exT told me that "therapy had ended a long time ago and I should move onward". That was 2 months after he decided we would be friends - and that was his "friendly" response to me just asking him to clarify his complete lack of ethics/confusing behavior. His responses would just make me feel even more awful. And I accepted way too much responsibility for it all.

It's that power-entrapment, the all-knowing father figure turned abusive. Healthy therapists don't shame. Boundaries, yes - but he killed those a long time ago.

A question I ask myself that may be of help - what steps can you take to help you take back your power?

[Hopelesspoppy]

Originally Posted by Jungatheart

Pay attention to others feedback. What he said was harsh! I hear him shaming you. Let others validate this for you.

I get how you could not feel offended, or even feel as if you might be deserving of it - only b/c I have been there. One time exT told me that "therapy had ended a long time ago and I should move onward". That was 2 months after he decided we would be friends - and that was his "friendly" response to me just asking him to clarify his complete lack of ethics/confusing behavior. His responses would just make me feel even more awful. And I accepted way too much responsibility for it all.

It's that power-entrapment, the all-knowing father figure turned abusive. Healthy therapists don't shame. Boundaries, yes - but he killed those a long time ago.

A question I ask myself that may be of help - what steps can you take to help you take back your power?

I appreciate your words so much. From him? I only have power when he wants to **** me and feels vulnerable. Thank God I had the good sense not to let that happen. I just need to recover and people like you are tremendously helpful.

[growlycat]

RUN
this guy will wreck you!!!

[Hopelesspoppy]

Originally Posted by growlycat

RUN
this guy will wreck you!!!

Trying!!!! Unfortunately I am already wrecked. But support will help me get myself back. Thanks!