Erotic/positive transference-feelings for family doctor, dk how to bring it up;(?

Hi everyone
Thanks to all of you for your time. So I have erotic & positive transference ...I think or something similar. But I don't have a therapist or psychiatrist... I have it bad for my family doctor . I only see him a few times a yr for med refills. And I only see him for 5-10mins idk how I still have feelings for him, or how it happened. But I am madly in love with him . Think he knows that I think he's hott.. one time at my aptmnt, idk I must have been giving him a look or st, bc he looked at me like he was about to start laughing. That was last summer, so I think he's known I had a crush on him, but idk for sure. I'm not good sometimes at communicating with people, and I've always been kind of shy, so that doesn't help. The thing is I don't have a lot of time, he's always in a rush, so I have to be kind of quick about it. I have no idea what to say to him:-(. I haven't tried to bring it up before because I'm scared he'll drop me. I have lots of feelings, but I don't really think I want to talk about my sexual fantasies with him, lol, but I saw some of u guys said you talked with your T about them. I've been in love with him for a little over a year now. t's just getting worse, I think abt him, and still have this horrible feeling of wanting to hang out with him. I'm just breaking my own heart now. Like I cry at night because I want to be with him so bad, but I know there's nothing I can do, he will never want me or let me hangout with him. I can't talk to him or have communication with him because it's against the rules and 'unethical' lol as everyone knows. I'm sure you guys have felt something similar, it really can make you feel heart broken. To those of you who have had 'the first conversation' with your t, I would truly appreciate any advice you have on how to bring it up or what to say...thanks so much

I'll jump in even though I'm not sure what to say.

You said this is your family doctor and not a licensed psychiatrist? I would be wary of telling him. Frankly, he doesn't have the training to deal with your feelings.

I think there is no rules to forbid you to be friends or lovers with your family doctor or another doctors. Why not?
Is he married? Is he free?
I don't know how to tell him, maybe write him email or write him on facebook, I really don't know. Invite him to the cafe maybe. I think it would be hard to talk to him when he's working esspecially if you see him for 5-10 min.

Thanks:-) No he's not a psychiatrist, gps prob don't deal with transference as much, but I think there are prob a lot of gps that have had a pt get a crush on them. I do feel unsure about telling him because I don't know what he would do. Like I'm worried he could be more likely to drop me than a therapist. But I feel like I want to tell him because he is the one I have the feelings for. Idk...I mean he's a really nice guy, and he's been my doctor for abt 4 years. I don't think he would just drop me without trying to work it out first, but idk for sure. Thanks for your help, I agree I should be wary...

Hey thanks:-) haha..actually I don't think he's married anymore... but I don't think he likes me back :-(. It's unethical as long as I'm still his patient. I would have to switch doctors to date him. But honestly, I don't think he likes me back, and I really don't know if he has a gf. I don't have his email. If he has a fb he prob won't except pts as friends, and he might not write me back. I'd rather talk about it in person, but I doubt he would meet up with a pt outside of his office, lol, but I wish... thanks for your help:-)

I'm not sure i would mention it to a family doc as T's are different & trained to deal with transference. Has he ever made you think that he maybe interested ?

Don't tell him. It would be awkward. What do you expect to get out of it?
A relationship with a patient is unethical.

It's one thing to talk about transference with a therapist but it's just going to make it weird with your primary care doc.

No don't bring it up with him. He's not a therapist, doesn't have the training to deal with it and it's not part of his job or obligation to work through it with you. There's a good chance he'd refer you to another physician. I cannot see any good that would come of telling him.

Also re: Melania's suggestion that you go for it because there are no laws forbidding it, um, yes there are in most jurisdictions (in North America anyway). If not laws, then professional codes of conduct. So while he probably wouldn't go to jail for having a sexual relationship with a patient he could lose his license and/or pay a hefty fine.

If it's really an issue, get a therapist and talk to them about it.

Why do you call it transference? Sounds like a crush.

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No. yeah you're right, I guess I feel like I want to tell him something...but I don't really want to say that I like him... but I can't really think of anything appropriate. Right, he prob would not know what to do lol. Thank u for your help:-)

Well, I agree with you it would prob makes things awkward, but It's already a little awkward anyways. That's a good question. I don't think it's going to help me feel better...I mean I know he doesn't reciprocate feelings. I guess I just feel like it has been bothering me and it would help me to move on if I told him. I can't stop thinking about him. This has been going on for a whole year, I don't know why I am having so much trouble with it since I never see him. I guess I have it in my brain that maybe if I switched to a new primary care dr ...then maybe I would have a chance. Lol. Thanks so much for your input:-) Think I prob won't tell him.

Thanks, I mean he's nice, I honestly think he'd listen and recommend a therapist or counselor. But I don't really know him, and if it makes him uncomfortable he could, like you said, refer me to a new physician without trying to work it out. To him that may be the most ethical thing to do. I thought Melania's post was funny :-) and in my dreams, I would ask him to go on a date, but your right...as long as I'm still a pt at his practice, it's unethical....here's opinion 8.14 in the ama code of ethics "At a minimum, a physician's ethical duties include terminating the physician-patient relationship before initiating a dating, romantic, or sexual relationship with a patient. As long as I was no longer a patient, according to the AMA, it would be ethically OK. He could not lose his license unless he did something the AMA considered unethical.. But I think psychiatrists might have stricter rules abt this. Thank you, I agree I think I would feel better discussing it with a therapist, at least to see if that helped before risking losing my doctor. I think I'll just not say anything:-)

No. but Thanks, you're right:-) , I'll prob just not say anything.

Right, like idk....I mean it really could just be a crush. He's like double my age...haha:-) . But you wouldn't think that. I guess its 'not normal' so that's why....that's a good question though...there has to be something that would differentiate crush & transference.:-) thank u

Transference in therapy is commonly in the form of a crush. But it can come in many forms, including rage. It means that feelings you had for someone in your past who your therapist reminds you of, is 'transferred' onto your therapist. In a way your right, it is transference. All relationships contain in. But outside of therapy you wouldn't say "I'm in transference with you." Because outside if therapy it isn't a normal term. You would just say, I have feelings for you.

For example, I once started a new job and one of my co workers looked and sounded and behaved like a past manager whom I loathed. After snapping at him a few times I realized it was totally unjustified. I even kidded with him once i realized, and told him he reminded me so much of this guy I hated but I'll get over it, because in truth, he was nothing like him in the end.

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