Sex with the therapist

When I think about starting a relationship with my therapist it doesn't take me long to realize that ALL of her clients have the same thought. Doesn't make the thoughts go away, she knows the lengths that I would go through in order to have a relationship with her, and that it's WAY more than anyone else would, not that it makes and difference.

Did you guys role play?

God no! The whole foundation of therapy would break if that safety wasn't there. It simply wouldn't be therapy anymore.

No we haven't not about that at least, would be a rather useless exercise. She knows how I feel and I accept her boundaries, not much else to talk about or role play.

Ok I have a question. So you have a therapist and he/she is cute and you both are attracted to each other sexually and want to have sex.

Who would ever know? I mean common if my therapist said I'm sexually attracted to you I want to **** your brains out...I wouldn't be able to get my clothes off fast enough.

I know that I couldn't go telling everyone. And I certainly know that it wouldn't be a real relationship as far as dating. I know that's a no no.

So do you think therapist knows if they really could with a certain client?

So I also found out online, say a therapist having sex with client and for some reason another therapist walks in( for whatever *'*** reason) they will probably be a blabber mouth, however even if they were to tell that's all hear say. The client would have to spill the beans on themselves.
So even though another therapist might blab and be obligated to tell this may be limited by the confidentiality obligations to the clients who may be unwilling to breach their own privacy or to submit a complaint regarding their therapist.
In this case the place were the client gets therapy, where it's like a center, the client will become a prior client and will be given a new therapist.

My therapist and I have discussed our sexual attraction with each other and it has not been a problem so far at all. She has admitted her attraction to me early on in our therapy as I have done to her as well. She seems very giddy around me when we are in our sessions. But during our meetings, it is all business for sure. when we are done, then we discuss our personal feelings and desires. She has stated she is worried about her position and career and loosing her job and I don't blame her. She asked what would happen when she wants to invite me to the christmas party at work? everyone there will see her and I together and ask questions about our previous therapy.

A well respected psychiatrist at the hospital I use to work at had a relationship with and slept with a client after they terminated. They had only seen each other a couple of sessions. Well, after their affair ended, she reported him, sued him (she was an attorney) and his career was over. So at the age of 60 with a very distinguished career (Harvard prof and all), he turned over his license and though he can continue his research, he cannot have any client contact for the remaineder of his career.

When we received the press release via email at work I remember how baffled everyone was that someone would risk everything they've worked their whole life for to have an affair. Maybe it was love, but obviously things can change pretty quickly. A lot of people felt sorry for the guy (no previous allegations and a solid reputation in the hospital), but most people just thought he was an idiot.

The rules are in place for the protection of the professionals as well as the clients.

It seems to me that the rules are in place MAINLY for the protection of the professionals, and this story is less an illustration of why the rules are there and how they protect both client and therapist, than of how a litigious client who knows the rules can damage a therapist simply by taking advantage of the fact that these ARE the rules, right or wrong. I'll bet that she enjoyed a hefty settlement.

Depletion - what a great question - "how do you know?" Thats - how do you know you can trust a person - all sorts of important stuff.

Yes I think her settlement was huge. I think this illustrates how it is sometimes possible for a client with the proper resources to have the upper hand and because of this Psychiatrists and therapists need to have self control. Most people coild have had sympathy for him because he wasn't her "therapist". They only met about twice and one session was more of a consultation (he was a specialist with a certain disorder). But most people where we worked saw it one way - she was still a client and you never, ever sleep with clients. He should have known better.

I'm curious say a therapist has 4 clients that tell him I'm sexually attracted to you and the therapist tells each of these clients he too has those same feelings. I mean is that possible or do you really think that out of ALL the clients he has, you're the one he is attracted to and falling for? Or you think he/she might be banging all 4 clients. Just a thought

Most of the 23 identified states that criminalize psychotherapist conduct restrict the scope of the violation to narrowly address sexual contact between clinicians and current clients. Only seven of the 23 identified states have a more expansive prohibition that includes sexual contact with former clients as a criminal offense (California, Connecticut, Florida, Iowa, Minnesota, New Hampshire and New Mexico). A number of states, including Georgia, have provisions that apply to instances where the therapeutic relationship is used to “further sexual contact” without specifying a timeframe. Iowa, New Hampshire and New Mexico have implemented a one-year waiting period, protecting former clients from sexual misconduct for one year after a therapeutic treatment relationship has terminated. Most likely, exploitation of the therapeutic relationship could be presumed for any sexual contact that occurred during the one- year post-termination period. California’s prohibition on sexual contact with former clients has a detailed set of procedural parameters carving out an exception if the therapist refers the client for treatment to an independent practitioner who is recommended by an objective third-party
In some situations an act may be sexual misconduct under the licensure board rules, but not under the state’s criminal code. For example, Colorado criminalizes therapists who engage in sexual contact with current clients but the social work licensure statute bans sexual contact with current clients as well as former clients for a period of two years following the termination of professional services

So many rules to follow.

Yeah didnt they already make that movie? With Warren Beatty as a hair stylist sleeping with all his customers?

Am i the only one who falls in love with the guy behind the deli counter? admittedly, that was a few years ago. But now the guy who loads the lettuce bins at the grocery store always says hi and smiles

Not kidding. But just because somebody is not crabby, doesnt mean they want in your pants. We're adults now, we can protect ourselves against harmful strangers for the most part, and we can be friendly and safe. :

Do you think he likes lettuce?

Thats a good sign, right? but he probably is too young for me

This almost proves my point about the positive side of a relationship with a T and a client. Every state has so many different laws and regulations regarding this very topic. Not one state can agree on the exact rules, time and punishment. Each state has their own thoughts on the situation, which shows that the people making the rules and laws have different ideas and views on what is wrong and right on this topic. My T has thought of moving to another state in order to make our situation easier on us in the future. I would never want to hurt my T's career, even if things didn't work out, I find it just like any other relationship out there, it didn't work, move on and get on with your life. I also find my mental side of things a little stronger than most due to the lengthy combat exposure and dealings with individuals from all over the world and from different backgrounds and lifestyles. That is another reason I find it easy to separate therapy from emotional feelings.

You live once, just do it. Pun intended.

Just so happens! Theyre having a Richard Gere film festival on THISTV.com today. 1993, Mr Ford - Gere plays a manic depressive and his female pdoc sleeps with him.

Of course lol.

Gotta love a guy who appreciates irony! I have always considered it one of my more attractive features !

Conflict of interest, counter-productive and highly unethical!

Yep. This says it all. The wishful thinking like "it's not always harmful", "it can be love between two consenting adults" etc. has never proved to work in reality in my experience. I am yet to hear one single love story of this kind that ended up not harming one or both parties. I am not saying there aren't such stories because I always try to keep an open mind on any issue whenever I can. All I am saying I've never heard of such examples and I've heard many personal accounts already, most of those experiences, by the way, started with this exact rationalization "my case could be different" or "some circumstances are different"..They all start the same - rationalize, hold on to the false hope, make their dream "come true", if the therapist allows the boundary to get violated, only to realize later that their story is just the same as everybody else's who's gone through that experience, which is the story of harm. People don't have deep understanding of what constitute a conflict of interest and a power imbalance in therapy. They think they know it but their understanding is intellectual and superficial. They know only because they've been told about it. It's not real knowledge. Real knowledge is when you know because you've lived it.

And what I have yet to hear, in the midst of all of the "people just don't understand" dismissive nonsense, is what kind of redress there can possibly be for what can amount to a raw emotional deal for both parties, or an examination of just what it says about the therapy environment that this sort of harmful attachment seems to happen so frequently.

No, somehow the bottom line always seems to be that it's the clients who must end up paying for the privilege of getting the short end of the transference stick, and if they don't like it they can go blow.

I find this attitude toward people in real pain to be supremely arrogant and totally unhelpful. Kind of like the entire therapy racket itself.

You say it in fancier language but if i may binarize:
C T
l l Client and t both "win". Successful therapy. The remaining outcomes are unsuccessful.
l 0 Client wins, t loses. Is this a valid outcome?
0 l Client loses, t wins. Under what scenario?
0 0 Both lose. Fulfilling the romance scenario.

.

My honest opinion about this, and I am pretty sure most people may disagree and even get angry with me but I'll say it anyway, is that clients should see Ts of the same gender, or of the opposit gender that they are attracted to. It's probably over simplified and fosters stereotypes, but often this is a generalization that rings true for many people. You have 2 relatively attractive people, one of whom is emotionally vulnerable (or in some cases both are). They often have relationship troubles and poor self esteem. These individuals are alone in a room for an hour once a week having very personal conversations - Conversations sometimes involving details you've never shared with anyone before. On top of this you get a person's undivided attention and compete positive regard (often for both people). What else can be expected a lot of the time other than attraction?

I know that erotic transference occasaionally happens between people who otherwise wouldn't be attracted and simply avoiding certain genders might not cut it since there's more to this scenario than basic attraction. But in so many typical situations I think it could be almost possible to avoid some kind of attraction. I don't think a lot of Ts (and clients) get it because they insist this type of thinking is antiquated and reduces people to stereotypes and walking hormones and I guess it does. Yes people are more complex than this in many ways, but sometimes it's still true that we're pretty simple.

Yes, pretty stereotypical. The fallacy in that idea is that it assumes everyone of opposite sexes will have an attraction or transference. I have never had transference for a therapist, and absolutely no erotic transference. Does that mean I should have never seen my very effective male therapists, just on the off chance I might have developed an attraction for them? I found that female therapists absolutely were horrid to work with personally; didn't mesh with my personality at all. Had I stayed with those female therapists, it would have been a complete waste of time and money.

No, I'm not mad at you, but I do think you are making a blanket statement that just doesn't hold true for many, many therapy situations.