Therapist admitted countertransference?

Is this normal?
So I told my therapist about my love transference to him
Then he says "Oh! It.makes me think about counter transference" he asked if I knew about it. I said yes. He said "yeah because I have my own history"

So Im.wondering because I told how I feel. Did he have a light bulb moment and realise he had a counter transference with Me?

And.is that ah...normal.for him.to admit that to me? He didn't say "Oh I had s countertramsference with you"
He just said "Oh it makes me think about counter transfence and my own history"

And when we were discussing this I noticed in his body language his legs where streached out towards me,sitting opposite from me with his ankles.locked but feet pointed to.me. So I had no leg space. Which kinda annoyed me.
So I kinda put my foot a bit out in the space.and then couple of seconds he scooped his feet under.the chair.

Just wondering what this all.means.

I told my t I had feelings for him......and he led me on big-time....verbally AND physically. He asked "have I ever led you on....I don't thinkI have." So, answering his own question made me feel as I couldn't discuss it. I am still trying tofind the courage to tell him that yes, he led me on in a major way,etc.

I have read articles that state a t shouldn't admit his feelings for a client; because it can be really confusing, etc.

I wouldn't read into the body language. He was probably just trying to be relaxed until he realized he was crowding you and wanted to give you room.

As to his statement. Those are very open-ended statements. We can't possibly know what he meant. You need to ask him to clarify. Just ask questions like, "Can you please explain what you mean when you said this reminded you of countertransference?" and "What did you mean when you said, you have your own history?" These are legitimate questions because HE brought it up. You have a right to an explanation.

Transference isn't always 'erotic' and it happens in all our relationships to some degree or another. There are lots of ways we have transference/countertransference in all areas of life. For example, If I look at my older male boss like a father figure- that's transference. If My boss, in turn, picks up on that feeling and starts to feel protective of me, that's counter-transference. Therapists can sometimes project parental feelings onto their clients. Transference/Countertransference is not a bad or good thing but it's the Therapist's job to be aware of when it happens and how it a affects their own behavior.

I've come to understand that I can be slow on the uptake with anything that reeks of 'confrontation' or difficult conversations, but also, I think sometimes there a part of us that doesn't want too much explanation because we know the reality may not be what we want to believe. I let those little statements go by without clarification—*because I'd rather project my own fantasy interpretation.

When we are in that space of crushing on T, it's easy and understandable that we might misinterpret or read into their behaviors. It's understandable that we want to feel special to them as well. It's a very raw and vulnerable space to admit those feelings. You deserve a thorough explanation of his own statements so that you can be grounded in reality.

I agree you should ask. There's no way to know what he meant. Countertransference doesn't necessarily mean loving feelings. For example, if he has a history of having been the victim of a stalker, his countertransference reaction to your normal transference could be fear. Etc.

When I first confessed certain feelings to my therapist, he referred immediately to "transference/countertransference." He did not go into detail about what he felt towards me. Some therapists simply never refer to transference alone, but always to transference/countertransference, since it is a linked dynamic.

Personally, I was very pleased when my therapist mentioned countertransference. Not because I thought it meant he had the hots for me. But because it indicated that he would own up to his part in our dynamic and that he wasn't pretending to be some kind of "objective" observer of me, like a scientist studying a bug. I want him to be aware of his feelings and to analyze them, even if I don't need to know all that.

This is a great point.

It seems that a lot of therapists will go 'quiet' once the client mentions their own transference. This might be because it's important to allow the client to guide the conversation about the client's own feelings and the T will not want to interject or interpret too much for them.

But if the T can acknowledge that countertransference is a real thing and that the therapy process as a whole relies on a dynamic — This gives the client more agency, I think.

For example, sometimes if I'm feeling, let's say, extra needy I know for a fact that my T responds picks up on that sometimes before I do. She might respond in a certain way, e.g., offer a hug or a pat on the back, because as she says, "That's the energy I was getting from you." This is T being human. Her job relies on her human empathy to detect that need and respond to it. However, it's also her job to detect that response in herself before she expresses it and to guide her own response in a professional and helpful manner that enables me to take care of myself.

A better example might be if T decides to disclose a personal anecdote about something that my Personal Need reminds her of in her own life history. The feeling that my issue stirs up in her is Countertransference, but she can user her own feelings to better understand what I might be going through and what I might need. She just has to be cautious in her response, making sure her anecdote is appropriate and keeping the emphasis on my need, not hers.

Oh wow that must've felted really uncomfortable when he said that to you. Your T wasn't self aware of his own behaviour?

Yeah that's what I read too. He told me.none thing.would happen between us in the room. So I was ok with that. But I am getting mix.messsges.

Unless they're actually a robot, it's inevitable that a therapist will feel counter-transference - probably pretty frequently. The important thing is that they remain aware of it and reflect upon it - so it's probably a good sign that your T is doing that. Having said that, I'm not sure what his aim was in sharing it with you - as others have said I think it's worth asking him more about it - in fact I'd always recommend questioning him if he says anything you're confused or unsure about.

On a side-note, Moment and Wrk, your discussion above about the T bringing up counter-transference being a positive thing is really interesting and feels so relevant to me - last night for probably the first time, my T (although he didn't actually use the word counter-transference) said that he was going to reflect on something and I felt so pleased about it. It showed me that he's really thinking about our relationship and the feelings and thoughts I bring up in him. I shall probably write some more about that in my thread on this forum.

Thank you so much for your response.
It was really helpful I really appreciate that.
When you mentioned say someone feels like there boss is a father figure which is a transference and then the boss would pick up on it and start to feel protective over them.
So ok tell me what you think.
Last year I started therapy with him and he said to me usually it takes 2 sessions for him to accept a client. But it took 1 for him.
Later in processes I was getting frustrated because the therapy wasn't working. He told me "he wasn't doing psychotherapy" I asked why he said "It was his fault and he likes helping people" but Im.thinking wait but psychotherapy does help people. Huh?
Anyway so one session I open up about something that upsetted me. I asked how long is this therapy? Just because I've been moved around alot by therapist because they were students. One graduate and left and other thought I needed long term therapy. So that really affected me. He said to me he be leaving because his wife doesn't like him doing psychotherapy. He looked really sad about it. Then he said "she sick of paying for the bills"
Some other time he told me how he going to something else to create money in. And he said to me "its a crazy idea eh" and Im.thinking no it's just. I know it takes government a year to accept that. But I didn't say anything.

So there that. He would at times compliment my clothes.

When I told him I felted "excited.to see him and I get butterflys in my stomach. And sometimes I blush and maybe I have sexual feelings" and that's when he mentioned the countertransference.

So.Im.thinking because I said how I feel and he said countertransference.to me
Is he saying he felted the same way?

I know how some therapist or client project a.feeling out and other person picks it up. So Im wondering if that is what happening here.