Trying to get out

It's for the whole month of appointments so it's a lot of money I'm waiting to get reimbursed. The thing is he said he won't open emails from me so I don't know if he'll read it. It really sucks. Maybe he's just running behind this month. I don't know.

Send a letter by certified mail. He'll have to sign for it and you'll have proof he received it.

Today it really hit me that he's really gone. He's been the second most important person in my life after my baby. And he's totally gone.

It's so hard, I know. It's a big loss, and you have to let yourself feel it, as hard as it is.

It's especially difficult when you can count on one hand the people you have let yourself feel emotionally attached to. It makes it feel so urgent and desperate and horrible.

I think the only way through is through, and remembering you left for good reason, because it was the healthiest thing for you and your life. There'll be plenty of time down the line to analyse and pull it apart and try to make sense of it.

For now you just need to do whatever it takes to take care of yourself and keep yourself safe in your real world. You've done an amazing and bold and incredible thing by choosing the real world over dysfunction and drama and ultimately, massive hurt and an unsolvable puzzle.

Hang onto that and feel proud of what you're doing for you, your family and the future.

I wonder how long until he forgets about me completely. I am SO lonely. I feel like I've been run over by a MAC truck.

Hang in there,Ramona. It'll feel like that for a while, but it WILL end. How are you doing today?

I was SUPER busy with work today which helped. I need to be busy all the time. My husband is on vacation this week and we decided to go out of town for a few days. I said: "We can afford to. I fired T1." I'm skipping T2 next week too.

I wrote T2 an email saying I don't think I want to do this whole reporting thing--that it's so painful, that I don't think the board will take me seriously, that I'm not ready to have a "board" or an "investigator" JUDGE what happened to me and say whether it's bad enough for T1 to be reprimanded. I told him that I also don't want T1 to hate me.

I'm rarely angry at T1--just EXTREMELY sad and hurt and heartbroken. I am SO sad that I will never see him again.

T2 wrote back and says he's not encouraging me to report or not report, but I do think he does want me to report it. I may want to, but not right now. I need at least a month or two away from this.

The real problem is, even if T1 gets his license yanked, he'll STILL never take responsibility for what he did. I know he won't. He'll say he was wrongfully accused by some crazy patient. I him taking responsibility would be what I'd want more than him losing his license, and that's not going to happen.

I would like for him to have some sort of consequences for what he did to me. I don't know what I'm going to do. He should really give me and my insurance company ALL of our ****ing money back. He SUCKS.

I was angry about the money, too, way before I was angry about anything else. The money issue was black and white, for me. Everything else was confusing early on.

I was intensely pressured to report my former T and I did

Overall I am glad I did. He could have done what he did to mewith some other poor girl. I found out he was arrested for assault on a female late last year

Do what you feel.is right

Yes, it IS easier to get angry about the money part. Black and white as you've said. I didn't even consider it for years. He reduced my fee at one point so I could keep coming twice a week and to me that made me think "Oh, he doesn't care so much about the money." Then when I used that justification after I told me friends they were like "You're still paying him a MASSIVE amount of money--just SLIGHTLY less than before! And he KNOWS you're broke!" Plus I was paying for a babysitter on top of it for the past 8 months, PLUS I was paying for T2 because my therapy with T1 was so bad. My friend was like "Oh my God Ramona, I've been wondering why you're so stressed about money all the time!" I do have huge student loans as well, but none of my bills were literally even HALF as big as my therapy bill. This guy has been ripping me off for YEARS.

Even T2 didn't realize I was going to him twice a week until very recently. His immediate response was "He should have put a stop to that a very long time ago. He knows you can't afford it and it made you more dependent."

The one moment when I truly knew it was over and that I was actively aware that I was being lied to and manipulated while it was happening when he said he wouldn't read any more emails from me, and that if I felt I needed more contact with him to make more appointments. It was him covering his *** so stuff wasn't on record in emails AND him trying to manipulate more money out of me on top of it. Right in that moment I was actively aware that he was using me and didn't care about me. It was terrifying--to be in front of someone I'd trusted so deeply and to see him actively throwing me under a bus to protect himself and then trying to exploit more money out of me on top of it.

JunkDNA-your abuse case was so severe. You HAD to report that. Precaryous, I can't remember right at this moment what your situation was. Did you have a physical sexual relationship with your T?

Mine is so much more murky. He ****ed up terribly but it's all "he said, she said". He will just say I misinterpreted everything because of my attachment issues.

"Precaryous, I can't remember right at this moment what your situation was. Did you have a physical sexual relationship with your T?"

Yes. He said it was part of my therapy to "get me out there" in the dating world. He told me to keep it to myself because it was "frowned upon" by "others."

Even after my subsuquent therapist informed me what he did was not only unethical but was also a felony, I still believed he was a good man who maybe made a mistake. My subsuquent therapist eventually told me she could no longer see me if I intended to continue seeing the Pdoc. She told me me I needed to chose. I told her I wanted her to be my therapist but the Pdoc could be my lover. She hospitalized me, (I agreed, it was not against my will.)

When I was released two weeks later I read in our local paper that the Pdoc had been arrested for doing something similar with a nineteen year old female patient and had allegedly administered drugs and held her in his motel room against her will. This happened one year to the month that he had been intimate with me.

At that point, I realized everything my subsuquent therapist had been telling me was true, that perps like him usually have more than one victim. That was when I realized I had been totally exploited, emotionally, financially, psychologically and sexually. That's when I reported him in every way I could.

He was never criminally or civilly prosecuted for anything he did to me or any of the six other women who also contacted the police or medical licensing board.

I take that back. I did go through a long unpleasant civil litigation against him. But it was discovered rather late that he did not have malpractice insurance during the time he exploited me. He dodged two major bullets but the medical licensing board revoked his medical license.

what? He wasn't prosecuted for any of it?!?!?!

Sorry if this is a jumble:
No. I don't know how he got out of the 19y/is criminal case when he was arrested. At the time, the detective in both our cases told me he believed her story because they found evidence in the motel room and his car that supported whatever she was telling them.

It's odd, but I didn't think to follow the other girl's criminal case after that. It's only in the last few years I've realized (twenty years later) that he didn't get prosecuted for her case. I asked my subsuquent T, (I refer to her as PrevT in most of my posts), and she said she never knew, she was working to be my T and didn't follow the criminal cases, either. I know she had to give the police and medical licensing board a sworn statement that I revealed his name to her before his other criminal case was published in the newspaper.

At the time, authorities did not want to contaminate their cases by giving the victims any information about any other cases. They also wanted to prevent the defense attorneys from alleging that the victims conspired about details and got our stories straight. We weren't supposed to know the other victims names. I found the 19y/o's first name because someone at the medical licensing board left something on his desk he shouldn't have, and I read it.

The prosecutors in my state were considering criminal charges against him, too, because in California I am told it is a felony for psychiatrists to have sex with patients. The detective told me he could get 2-6 years if convicted in my case, alone.

The instance of him doing something against my will- I told my subsuquent T about it. But I was so confused, I was ambivilant about what went on. I don't think I ever told the detective about it because at the time I didn't want him to go to jail, and I thought it was part my fault (somehow).

The Pdoc was not criminally prosecuted in my case because the deputy attorney general said there was not enough evidence. I also believe no one thought I was a credible witness because I was a mental health patient. I didn't have DNA or witnesses or anything.

---

-The civil case was settled for a tiny bit of money. Everyone had a lien on my share except me, the lawyers, Medicare, Medi-Cal, etc. I can't remember the exact figure but I received less than $1,500. I spent more than that on gasoline and motel rooms driving back and forth to lawyer meetings, depositions, therapy, postage, etc. in the beginning my civil attorneys said my case was worth $500,000. They weren't interested in pursuing small $ cases. All along, they told me I had a good case, that they have won cases with less evidence than mine. The one bit of evidence I had,

-The criminal case was dropped

-The medical licensing board believed me (and two other victims) and Pdoc's medical license was revoked.

-I reported him to Medicare and Medi-cal and they disciplined him by refusing him to ever bill through them again.

-I found he also had a medical license in NewYork. Apparently, medical licensing boards do not have reciprocity, and they knew nothing about his revocation in California. *I* submitted proof to New York's medical licensing board and they also revoked his medical license there one year after California revoked him.

The insurance leins Fd me up.too

Attorneys didn't explain any of that to me until the end. They were so pissed their angle to sue him civilly didn't pan out, they started charging me for phoning them even before I received the settlement. They blamed me.
It was a hell of a thing to go through.

I signed a contract allowing them 40% and expenses. I guess I wouldn't have cared as much about the liens if I had received $400.000 or $250,000 or $100,000.

No one else brought a civil case against this guy.

Were you the only one to sue the Pdoc?

He wasn't a pdoc he was a psyD therapist. And yeah it was just me. I.also had no knowledge of leins on my settlemwnt

I took that money and bought my first cheap computer, then I took my daughter shopping at the mall. She was a victim in all this, too. I hadn't been as emotionally available for her during all the emotional litigation and therapy. She was just 15.

Mine went to the years of treatment /therapy I needed to recover from my ordeal

Several of my friends have suggested I could get a settlement out of this and I've let them know that people on here with much for severe cases barely got anything.

Feeling REALLY low today. Just so ****ING ANGRY at the world. I am angry ALL the time. I'm SO short with my husband. Everything he says makes me want to scream at him unless I start drinking. Then I can bear him.

A civil lawyer (preferably one who specializes in malpractice cases) could tell you. Only engage one who takes your case on a contingency basis. There is probably a time limit/statute of limitations to file a civil case. I think you can file a medical board case any time. But double check, I could be wrong.

Make sure the doc has malpractice insurance. :face-palm: A civil lawyer should be able to tell you.

Civil cases can run on for a year or more. You've read my descriptions of how time-consuming and emotionally involved they are. Be prepared to hear your previous doc say horrible things about you. The lies are outrageous, but they don't care. They count on demeaning the victim and minimizing any harm they may have caused.

A civil lawyer will want all your correspondences, calendars, checking account info...so many things. It was difficult for me to figure out which items might be important to my case.

Having a bad one today. Mornings are so brutal. Almost every morning I wake up in a rage, start announcing that I don't want to live anymore and that I hate my life and don't want it anymore and can someone please put me out of my misery and then I break down sobbing for like an hour.

I just sobbed and sobbed and told my husband "I don't want this life!" He took the baby and left for a little while and I called my girlfriend from grad school and bawled my eyes out.

I have been SO depressed for so many years, and adding this T1 situation on top of it, I just have SO LITTLE HOPE that I'm ever going to feel better. I truly feel like I'm trapped in the wrong life. There is a black hole in my heart and I just can't fill it. My friend asked me when was the last time I felt good? And then I started sobbing even more, because that's what set me off today--thinking back to a couple of months ago when I was having a "good week" with T1 and he was talking about his desire for me and I was sharing sexual fantasies. I remember feeling good then. Just driving around running errands and feeling good and remembering what it was like to be happy to be alive. I truly don't know if I'll ever get that back. It's not just from T1. It's been years I've been in the hole.

T1 gave me occasional temporary escapes from it and I was so desperate for them and now they're gone as well. I just don't know how to keep going. The world looks SO BLEAK AND UGLY ALL THE TIME.

What have you tried for the depression apart from therapy, ramona?

About a dozen medications, yoga, meditation, hypnotherapy, aromatherapy, breathwork coaching, EMDR, acupuncture, vitamin therapy and a day treatment hospital.

it sounds to me you are seeking a fulfilling relationship- emotionally and physically.... from what you've described of your husband, it sounds like hes more of a best friend than a lover. with how you saw your therapist, fatherly, caring, and attractive/erotic, it filled both aspects of what people want . however, it was not meant to be , he was your T and you were paying him.

im not telling you to run out and divorce your husband.. but it does seem like some of this might stem from that relationship and your lack of needs being met there