Trying to get out

Damn. That's pretty awful.

(Of a situation for you to be in I mean)

I'm sorry you're struggling so much. Just wanted to say something for your safety here--combining alcohol and klonopin (or any benzo) can be really dangerous, as in stop your breathing. Even just at a regular dose. My former p-doc refused to prescribe me any Ativan (just wanted for as-needed for panic attacks) for a long time because she knew I drank. She was afraid to take the risk even though I insisted I would never mix them. She finally let me have 5 (haven't taken them yet). So please be careful!

Alcohol intensifies benzo's effects. So does grapefruit

Ramona, I'm not going to say don't use meds if they are helpful, but please be careful with both benzos and alcohol. Both are extremely addictive, especially for people who have a tendency by default. Try not to replace one escape with another. Getting hooked on alcohol or drugs is NOT better than the obsession and pain about T1, it is potentially far worse and more dangerous. This I am saying from hardcore experience, for me alcohol addiction was by far the worst and most destructive issue I've had and it was very sneaky, I never acknowledged I had a problem until I was deep in it with serious problems. And even then, I continued for many years of destruction.

Just clawing my way through each day as best as I can. I'm clearly hooked on both alcohol and klonopin at this point.

Please think about your child.

He needs you healthy and whole.

I've ****ing ripped my soul out and carried on for 7 weeks. Now people are getting judgmental about me taking medication? Seriously? **** off.

Nothing is ever ENOUGH for people on here.

I've told my doctor that I drink wine sometimes and he prescribed me 1 mg of Klonopin nightly for sleep. I clearly need it because when I didn't take it I almost called on the psychopath who tortured me without remorse for three years to "help" me some more.

Don't ****ING tell me I'm not thinking of my child. I'm taking my medication as prescribed. Blow me.

Hi Ramona, sorry you're having such a hard time.

All I see here is people trying to help in whichever way they can, given the bind you are in.
Those of us who have been down the path of replacing an addictive relationship with addictive substances know how dangerous that can be in the long run. It's hard to watch somebody start down that path.

I think the responses you are getting are nothing but well intentioned, and it would be a real shame for you to lose the support you have here, given how lonely and hard the space you are in can be.

I would really encourage you to not push that support away. And I say that with acknowledgement of how hard and impossible the place you are in must feel.

Do what you have to do. You will survive. It's been a short while still. Pleaseeeee believe me that it will get better. Would you believe me if i said lots of days i don't even think once of my former T?

I know. Our stories are different. But i read what you write and i see me in there. Just hang on no matter what

Hm. Just my two cents, but I think going through the brunt of recovering from a destructive relationship (of any kind) and being required to be saintly about drinking and other possibly addictive things at the same time is a bit much to ask of anyone. Of course it's a responsible thing to remind one to be safe, but all these comments..? I can see how they might feel a little oppressive. I've been down the road of abusive relationship (not a T), recovery from that, benzo abuse and a number of other addictive behaviors. And yes, it's not great to substitute one addiction with another, but really, nothing rips you apart quite the way an abusive, manipulative person can. And sometimes you just need to figure out how to survive one more day. Whatever it takes. One problem at a time, getting closer to a happy and healthy place.

I feel like I need to add a disclaimer here. I am not suggesting anyone reckless abandon all the way. Not with pills or alcohol or anything. But that's not what it sounds like you're doing anyway.

Hang in there. I believe in you.

I'm new around here. Just wanted to add that this is not right. You're T is totally playing with your emotions. I know it's going to be super hard to move on and you're going to think you can't do this, but please consider going to another T. After awhile you will look back and realize what a creep that guy is. What he is doing isn't ethical. I'm sorry you're going through this.

I left almost two months ago. I've been working with a second and third therapist--referred to as T2 and T3 in this thread.

Tomorrow I see my psychiatrist. I've only been seeing him for about 5 months. I switched to him because he is in network and a friend of a friend got me a referral for him which was difficult because he's university affiliated at a very prestigious clinic. I have decided that I'm going to tell him tomorrow what's happened. I'm also going to ask him if he can possibly get me a referral to a therapist at the university hospital. It was extremely difficult to get in with him as a client, and I believe the only way to get to see a psychotherapist through this hospital is to be a patient of the med clinic that I'm currently in as well.

I'm hoping that if I'm honest with him about what's happened, and the fact that it's been financially devastating to my family along with the emotional destruction, that he will refer me to a psychotherapist there. It's far from where I live but is IN NETWORK and would be $20/session as opposed to the hundreds per session T2 and T3 charge. My insurance covers half of those sessions but I'm still out about $125/week...$500/month.

I'm so over spending all of my family's money on therapy. I researched the list of "in network" therapists on my insurance site today and they look TERRIBLE. I have an MSW myself and worked in the mental health field for 8 years before becoming a writer and I'm quite sure I have more experience than everyone I looked up today. The only Ts on the list that I think could handle the complexity of my case are the ones who work at the university hospitals--but it's very hard to get in there.

I will see how it goes tomorrow.

Strangely (or not strangely?) I have been feeling better the past couple of days. I think looking at T1's Facebook photos has actually turned into a GOOD thing for me. I find him SO UNATTRACTIVE in so many of these photos--so DIFFERENT from the person he presented himself to be in our sessions. In sessions he was this handsome guy in a sharp suit reading me Rumi poems. On Facebook, he is a skinny, sweaty guy who wears flowy pants and shirts and is, honestly, a bit gross to me.

I'm hoping I've turned a corner.

I talked to one of my oldest friends this weekend whom I hadn't told about this. She is a lawyer and said I should sue the **** out of him. I told her that it likely wouldn't result in much of a windfall for me, based on the experiences of others on this page, but she still strongly encouraged me to consider it.

I am very tired, but hopefully starting to wake up.

You probably hear about unsuccessful cases more than the successful ones.

You know how my case turned out. But PrevT had a client before me who used my attorney and won a sizable settlement.

I told my friend about your case and I think it was Junk DNAs--which were both so much more severe than mine and that there was very little compensation. She said a.) Get that mother****er's license yanked b.) once you get his license yanked you'll have done most of the work for the civil suit already c.) civil suits always settle so I'd just have to give a deposition d.) I have the right to be made whole financially and then some.

I'm not totally sure what's happened to me over the last few days. I had this meltdown last week where I came SO ****ING CLOSE to calling him and begging him for an appointment. Then I realized I'd missed my Klonopin for two days, then I saw really unattractive photos of him on Facebook, and all the sudden I'm like: "I'm taking this ****er DOWN."

I emailed T2 saying I'd like to talk to him Wednesday about what reporting is like and what he can offer in terms of support and he emailed back one word: "Absolutely."

Not sure how long this "healthy" state I'm in will last. Everyone please keep your fingers crossed for me that I stay on this path.

My bad therapy (with a negative transference, not an erotic one) was nowhere near as egregiously awful as yours, Ramona. But it was lots of different therapists who were offbase and I didn't know enough to know it. I think more cases and complaints may need to be brought before therapists begin to pay attention. I didn't feel I had a complaint that would be convincing to the board so I didn't file one, but I sure wanted to.

I hope the psychiatrist understands and that you can get some good competent help at the university. I believe it's fair to say that yours seems to be a complex case and needs more than just any random therapist.

Yep. It's worth a question.

If you do this, find a lawyer who will take your case on contingency. Make sure T1 has malpractice insurance. (Some therapists don't) if he's working through or attached to a prestigious University or hospital, he likely has insurance.

You and your lawyer have to prove harm is/was done. I've said before, it doesn't matter if you are right and he is wrong. Civil cases are about what harm can you prove?

A civil case can last one to three years. It's not quick. There will be interrogatories and depositions.. My deposition was videoed. My deposition lasted two days.

He delayed, dodged, lied, filed bankruptcy and hid his assets. But he finally agreed to give a deposition. My lawyer required me to be there as well. I was able to slip her questions to ask while she was deposing him. It came in handy because I would immediately let her know if he was lying. Also, I could give her inside information:
He was going on and on with what an awful, impossible, needy, dangerous patient I was. I slipped her a note saying, "Ask him why he didn't refer me."

She asked him.."If Pre was such a difficult client, why didn't you refer her out?" He said something like, "Well, that would have made her mad." My attorney replied, "Haven't you had patients become angry with you before?"

You know my medical licensing board case was very successful. Early-on they issued an emergency temporary restraining order to keep him from causing further harm to clients. His medical license was revoked.

My complaints with Medicare and Medi-caid were successful. They disciplined him and prohibited him from ever billing through Medicare or Medi-caid.

It's not easy, both sides will want all correspondences, etc. bills, checking accounts, even old pill bottles.

But it can be done.

Just wanna say, I have been working on the report against my old t. It is overwhelming but very empowering. I'm seeing a lot of things more clearly now. Old t was very sick. Whether or not I actually submit the report remains to be seen. Just putting my story together has already helped me quite a bit and I sure don't blame myself for what happened anymore. It's not always easy but that's part of the healing process, too. Perhaps putting your story together will empower you as well and help you make new discoveries around what happened. Fingers crossed you stay on the path you are on.

I've also mentioned after his license was revoked I checked if he had medical licenses in any other states. He did. I contacted those medical licensing boards and they revoked his license, too.

Every single time I hear another person say it was egregious I am shocked. Even thought I'm looking into reporting him I guess I'm still really in denial about how bad it was.

So glad to hear you are on a stronger path this last couple of days. Good for you!

the size of your settlement will all depend on your Therapist's insurance policy , if he even has one, and if they will even compensate... my therapist's malpractice insurance had a specific clause that said they will NOT pay for ANY sexual form of malpractice. i dont know all the ins and outs of how i did get compensated, but it was not very much. i did go to a mediation and the lawsuit settled after 2 years. if you want more info on that process you can PM me

Found this blurb on another site:
Physicians today are under the false assumption that if they do not carry medical malpractice insurance, and there is no insurance money to go after, that they cannot be sued, or that they cannot lose money. This is a dangerous misconception.

Courts do have the ability to garnish future wages. For example, if a physician makes a mistake and causes the patient damage, that damage could have an effect of the patient’s future earning potential. If the courts find that the damage will cost the patient $200,000 over the next ten years, the courts have the power to garnish that physicians future earnings to pay the patient over time for those damages done to the patient.

My Ts wife left him (he was married with two young kids) kicked him out of their house. He tried to sell his yacht online almost immediately after the board investigation

I am glad his wife believed me. Or maybe she didnt. But she left him. She knew something was wrong. He told me they slept in separate rooms. He would talk to me on the phone at night from his room. Ugh. Anyway yeah I'm glad she left him. She deserves better

The Pdoc in my case seems to have stayed married. They have a kid, too.
Seven of us complained against him but I think his wife believed him.

The Pdoc in my case worked in several cities. He would call me late at night from his motel room acting like he cared about how I was doing. He said some pretty cryptic things: "was going to ask you something but I think I know the answer..."
"What? What are you talking about?"

And yeah, he hid his assets - probably in his mother-in-law's name and filed for bankruptcy.