[DP_2017]

My "love" feelings are not romantic/sexual but similar to how I feel about my dogs...or how some may feel for family/friends

I never wanted to tell him but something has come up that I am really struggling with, emotionally and I'm not sure any other way to explain all this intense emotional reaction....

but I don't wanna spoke him or risk termination etc..... I am so unsure of what to do. Anyone else ever said ILY to their T and it wasn't a romantic thing? did they react ok?

[junkDNA]

Originally Posted by DP_2017

My "love" feelings are not romantic/sexual but similar to how I feel about my dogs...or how some may feel for family/friends

I never wanted to tell him but something has come up that I am really struggling with, emotionally and I'm not sure any other way to explain all this intense emotional reaction....

but I don't wanna spoke him or risk termination etc..... I am so unsure of what to do. Anyone else ever said ILY to their T and it wasn't a romantic thing? did they react ok?

Yes , I told him i love him like a parent. He said he was touched

No matter what feelings of love or hatred you have for your T, you should be able to tell them. If they cant handle it, then they may need to get more training.

Its like a doctor who cant stand the sight of blood... its their job.... they need to deal with it. Even if its messy.

I guess you could tell him that you love him, like the way you love your dogs? "I love you, like the way that I love my dogs," which kinda sounds creepy...?

[DP_2017]

Originally Posted by ForWhatItsWorth2U

I guess you could tell him that you love him, like the way you love your dogs? "I love you, like the way that I love my dogs," which kinda sounds creepy...?

How so?

He is a huge animal lover and knows how much my dogs mean to me. I don't love my family or friends, so this is the best I have to relate to those feelings others typically have

Oh. Well then, he will understand.

[DP_2017]

Originally Posted by junkDNA

Yes , I told him i love him like a parent. He said he was touched

Very nice. He seems to handle things well with you, which is great.

Originally Posted by Coming up tails

No matter what feelings of love or hatred you have for your T, you should be able to tell them. If they cant handle it, then they may need to get more training.

Its like a doctor who cant stand the sight of blood... its their job.... they need to deal with it. Even if its messy.

Ha, very true

What do you think will happen if you tell your T that you love them?

[SalingerEsme]

Originally Posted by DP_2017

My "love" feelings are not romantic/sexual but similar to how I feel about my dogs...or how some may feel for family/friends

I never wanted to tell him but something has come up that I am really struggling with, emotionally and I'm not sure any other way to explain all this intense emotional reaction....

but I don't wanna spoke him or risk termination etc..... I am so unsure of what to do. Anyone else ever said ILY to their T and it wasn't a romantic thing? did they react ok?

My sense from past events is that he is going to believe you have romantic feelings toward him, either conscious, unconscious, or sub conscious. There is nothing wrong with it being romantic either.

Many times platonic love goes unspoken, agape is abstract etc. The vast majority of the time adults say ILY to people not in their families is romantic.

Obviously not always. . . but your T seems to have been on this wavelength with you before from the discussion of touch.

I really don't have a sense if this is risky or not because I don't have too much therapy experience. My T is very different from yours in boundaries too.

I love the comment that surgeons shouldn't be afraid of blood and T's shouldn't be afraid of feelings.

I think the question T's ask themselves if is those feelings get in the way of treatment, are neutral to treatment, or help in treatment.

[DP_2017]

Originally Posted by SalingerEsme

My sense from past events is that he is not going to believe you. He thinks it is romantic, and there is nothing wrong with it being romantic either. Many times platonic love goes unspoken, agape is abstract etc. The vast majority of the time adults say ILY to people not in their families is romantic.

Obviously not always. . . but your T seems to have been on this wavelength before.

Yep, that's why I never wanted to say anything. I probably wont and I'll chicken out.

Originally Posted by ForWhatItsWorth2U

What do you think will happen if you tell your T that you love them?

He would barf... or terminate me

Oh....Hmmm.

[SalingerEsme]

Originally Posted by DP_2017

Yep, that's why I never wanted to say anything. I probably wont and I'll chicken out.



He would barf... or terminate me

Well he isn't going to barf!

He also seems to be very, very involved with you from his side, very invested. We know he bends average boundaries for you, and he has seen you through a few variations on this without disconnecting. However, he has been challenged and struggled too in the eye of the tempests created.

IMO you stand to have your feelings really hurt, because he won't say it back.

What is unclear to me is how he feels ( I am clear he knows the lines of his profession).

He seems like he wanted unltimately to have you feeling comfortable to have a relationship outside/ after therapy.

I doubt he would be surprised by you saying ILY, and he might be touched by that more than likely to terminate you.

The only thing though is the other stories on this forum ,and their outcomes.

My T just wouldn't permit it. He nips any, any chance of that in the bud. He doesn't hug anyone, he has a three foot rule ( but he relaxed it for me recently I noticed ), and he has photos of his wife and kids front and center. There's just no possible way ILY could be said to him. He doesn't text like your T does, he won't allow dogs in his office - it is like they are in two different universes, so I can't really put myself in your T's view of the situation like I want to.

I don't think my T would terminate someone for feeling or saying that, but he would launch into his litany of all the things the therapy relationship is not and be very reproving.

Your T is much more involved with you, more deeply engaged .

[DP_2017]

Originally Posted by SalingerEsme

Well he isn't going to barf!

He also seems to be very, very involved with you from his side, very invested. We know he bends average boundaries for you, and he has seen you through a few variations on this without disconnecting. However, he has been challenged and struggled too in the eye of the tempests created.

IMO you stand to have your feelings really hurt, because he won't say it back.

What is unclear to me is how he feels ( I am clear he knows the lines of his profession).

He seems like he wanted unltimately to have you feeling comfortable to have a relationship outside/ after therapy.

I doubt he would be surprised by you saying ILY, and he might be touched by that more than likely to terminate you.

The only thing though is the other stories on this forum ,and their outcomes.

My T just wouldn't permit it. He nips any, any chance of that in the bud. He doesn't hug anyone, he has a three foot rule ( but he relaxed it for me recently I noticed ), and he has photos of his wife and kids front and center. There's just no possible way ILY could be said to him. He doesn't text like your T does, he won't blows dogs in the office - it is like they are in two different universes, so I can't really put myself in your T's view of the situation like I want to.

I understand that part of not knowing how to think with different T's.

I do not want him to say it back, I have issues with love itself. I don't trust anyone who says it to me... so I would be really struggling with trust if he did that. I just want to try and learn to accept these annoying feelings and learn to process my emotions like normal people.

I have no idea what he was thinking either, I was clearly wrong but then again, we are back to the exact same as we were so who knows?

[SalingerEsme]

You seems to be thinking it through clearly and realistically. I agree you weathered each storm and came back from it to a baseline. I wonder what his feelings are- it is mysterious. Because of the ironclad rules, I don't think you will ever know, and the exact nature of his feelings will abide unspecified. However his actions speak more of a real affection then say my T's do toward me bc my T's music and his words go together whereas your T's music is quite personal, even though his words revert to professional when pushed. Your reasons for wanting to try out saying ILY seem very valid. It is a trust and vulnerability question- how much do you trust him, how vulnerable do you dare to be. . . The one thing for sure though is he is not going to buy that you mean you love him like you love your dogs. He will 100 take it as a full ILY.

Would it be easier for you to ask him how he feels about you?

I wished I loved my t like I love our cat

I cant even remember the cats gender most of the time...

[DP_2017]

Originally Posted by ForWhatItsWorth2U

Would it be easier for you to ask him how he feels about you?

Ideally sure but he would never be honest, so no point... plus I don't WANT him to love me or say he does... that would really shake my trust in him. Love is not an emotion I am comfortable with in the slightest.

Originally Posted by SalingerEsme

You seems to be thinking it through clearly and realistically. I agree you weathered each storm and came back from it to a baseline. I wonder what his feelings are- it is mysterious. Because of the ironclad rules, I don't think you will ever know, and the exact nature of his feelings will abide unspecified. However his actions speak more of a real affection then say my T's do toward me bc my T's music and his words go together whereas your T's music is quite personal, even though his words revert to professional when pushed. Your reasons for wanting to try out saying ILY seem very valid. It is a trust and vulnerability question- how much do you trust him, how vulnerable do you dare to be. . . The one thing for sure though is he is not going to buy that you mean you love him like you love your dogs. He will 100 take it as a full ILY.

Ya he is very confusing for sure....and yep I will never know thanks to the rules of therapy, it sucks
Anyway if you truly think that about the romantic aspect, then I wont be doing it, I am not gonna risk **** being weird or anything again. It's a really sad world when love can't mean anything other than romance. I will just have to keep my feelings in and somehow learn to deal with them on my own

This so reminds me of my fav 90s movie... the truth about cats and dogs...

The radio talkshow host whose a vet goes 'You can love your pet but not looooooooooove your pet' LOL

The caller had said he had a rash from a three hour tongue bath

Maybe you can love your T but not looooooooove your T

How would you feel if after you tell him how you feel, that he said that he loved you too?

Originally Posted by ForWhatItsWorth2U

How would you feel if after you tell him how you feel, that he said that he loved you too?

wouldnt it depend on what type of love he meant?

[DP_2017]

Originally Posted by ForWhatItsWorth2U

How would you feel if after you tell him how you feel, that he said that he loved you too?

that he was a liar, as I do with anyone who throws that word around to me.

[DP_2017]

Originally Posted by Coming up tails

This so reminds me of my fav 90s movie... the truth about cats and dogs...

The radio talkshow host whose a vet goes 'You can love your pet but not looooooooooove your pet' LOL

The caller had said he had a rash from a three hour tongue bath

Maybe you can love your T but not looooooooove your T

LOL I totally remember this movie

Ya I def do not wanna sleep with or date him. Any "fantasy" I have is like hanging out and laughing or doing something fun, the only "weird" thing is the desire to snuggle... but beyond that, nope. Anyway, it doesn't matter. I'm too spooked to say anything, I think it would make things worse for me again

Really sad how you can't actually say what you want in therapy without risk. Sigh....

I just gotta deal with this issue causing all my emotions in some other way

[maybeblue]

I think you should tell him how much pain you feel because of it. I don't know if I would use the words "I love you." You would know better than me if that would freak him out or not. You could call it attachment or missing being with him. Or that you think about him all the time and that you worry he doesn't like you when he doesn't respond to your texts.

I'll be honest, I think that maybe some of the solution to how painful this is would be for you to try to deepen some of your other relationships. And maybe your therapist can help with that...help you figure out who else in your life might be safe to share a little more with, etc.

[DP_2017]

Originally Posted by maybeblue

I think you should tell him how much pain you feel because of it. I don't know if I would use the words "I love you." You would know better than me if that would freak him out or not. You could call it attachment or missing being with him. Or that you think about him all the time and that you worry he doesn't like you when he doesn't respond to your texts.

I'll be honest, I think that maybe some of the solution to how painful this is would be for you to try to deepen some of your other relationships. And maybe your therapist can help with that...help you figure out who else in your life might be safe to share a little more with, etc.

I don't want to though, I don't like people much. I was never in therapy for help with relationships. It just sort of came up that I dislike people and have touch issues etc.

I HATE HATE HATE the closeness feelings I have with him, it is beyond terrifying. I sure do not wanna do that with anyone else.

No idea how he would react, I don't know him at all in that sense. he has gone opposite all my guesses so far . All I know is when he thought I had romantic feelings he said nothing was gonna change.

The fact that people have to "debate" if its ok to tell someone you love them, shows how sad the world is. Everyone should be able to, without it meaning anything romantic, not enough love in the world.

I am not gonna tell him anyway. This thread has scared me out of it, lol.

[toomanycats]

well, for what it's worth...I told S I loved him without any sort of weird recoil.
He's told me he loves me too a few times as well.
We both know it's not romantic.

I don't feel the same way for my current T (C), but I tell him that I wish he was my 'real dad,' and I ask him if he still has his 'd-word feelings' (daddy feelings) for me. He has always been supportive of it; he was the one who was able to use those big feeling words when I couldn't. (I can't say the d word really.) It came up one day when I shared how, broken up w/ grief over S, I had an urge to hug my pillow as if it were C and then just wept into it "daddy, he hurt me." And the "d word" has been a part of things since then.