[Thalassophile]

Can anyone explain some of the possible reasons or their thoughts on it at least for the highs and lows of the intensity of feelings for their T and why it changes so drastically? I have done a lot of reading around transference and ET as I have it for my T. It's like a roller coaster ride and so so very frustrating. I read that it's mainly due to unmet needs in childhood etc etc but I don't understand why the levels of intensity vary so much from week to week. Some weeks it is so intense that all I think about literally is my T and the 'love' I feel towards him. Other weeks I think about him all the time but it's less warming and instead extremely painful (I guess this is the longing for what I can't have part). On a few occasions during a rupture, it disappeared completely and Right now it's at a somewhat more 'normal' level like the feeling of caring about a person I have shared so many intimate details with. I look forward to seeing him but don't yearn for him every minute. As I type this I dread even saying it aloud as I fear the intense crazy almost obsessive feelings will return soon.

[I'mNotDonneYet]

OHHHHHH I can relate! I' even at the point sometimes where when I fantasize about T,I wonder if I'm doing so because it's just a habit! I would hope that if it's "up" and "down" that means that at least it's not "up" all the time! I know it's not as "up" for me as it was a year ago, and much less than 2 yrs ago, when T took up a lot of my "energy." And I guess it's been almost 3 yrs now since T and I discussed my transference at any great length.....it's definitely "weaker" now than it was back then. Can you hang on for a bit longer?

[MoxieDoxie]

Ditto over here. I am the same way and I know it is because of unmet needs from childhood as I never had a parent who actually wanted me, cherished my brith or made me feel special. It was clear at my first ability to remember that I was not wanted and a burden. So since a T in therapy treats you like you are the most important thing in the room for that one hour it hits an empty space that has never been filled. But it is an illusion because the therapist can not fill that space. That space is emptied the minute you walk out the door.

If that T pisses you off for some reason you close off that empty space to that person and do not allow them to occupy that space for the time being.

[ZEN218]

MoxieDoxie - I am newer to the forum & my current ongoing transference is what brought me here. It was after reading a few of your posts that i decided to register & subsequently make it a daily visit.

I have seen lots of great interpretation from various posters, but i feel that yours really capture the cause(s) & effect(s) brilliantly.

Your short description regarding your entrence into this world matches mine exactly, & this is probably why i am especially tuned into your observations.

I was completely rejected as well & didnt bring it into sharp focus until shortly before my 37th Bday. This happened due to an honest 2 goodness "epiphany" that ive come to regard as a true "miracle of thought".

Anyhow, just wanted to make it known how helpful your posts have been in the way of Clarity for me. Thx.