There are those times..

There are times when I feel ashamed of who I am. There are times when I feel like luck is not on my side. There are times when I feel like nobody cares. There are times when i feel like others don't think I'm qualified for a job. There are times when others would not pick me. There are times when I feel like others are telling me that I have no right to believe in God and that I should just forget all about it.

If it's any consolation, everyone feels that way sometimes. Just ask them.

I felt that since I'm a nonwhite person, then I am not precious in the eyes of God. That's how I felt simply because the majority of my ethnicity don't really associate with someone who follows a western religion, in their opinion. Well, I just wish I had the courage to say Well I'm not going to let you tell me that only you have the right to believe in God because you're either white or hispanic. I'm going to tell you that I'm included as well.

maybe this is true and maybe this isn't but i feel like whenever people find out what I believe in, they just start being less friendly.

hey what are you doing now?

I think a lot of people find it uncomfortable to talk about religion. Some may still be trying to form thier own beliefs so they may not have opinions yet.

Well I don't tell them what i believe, I just tell them what religion I am.

I understand. It sounds like they're sending a cue that its not something they want to talk about. But they know you would so maybe if they ever have a question, you could be someone they could turn to at a future time. Its not a good idea I dont think to press religion/spirituality on people. I think people make the move towards religion or spirituality in thier own time. I think its ok to bring it up, and even witness it by telling your own experience, but like someone who talks too much about hot dogs, people want a change of subject sometimes. Are there any IRL discussion groups in your area? I understand wanting someone to talk to about it.

I don't think I pressed religion on them. All I did was tell them who I was and I never spoke another word of it. I hardly mentioned it.

Even if I did, it was probably with one of my best friends, not with the entire world.

It all depends on the person I guess. At times I couldnt find anyone to talk with. Then I found someone who listened really well, but didnt really throw in his thoughts too much, just listened. He said it seemed to him that I was the one who needed to say a lot about it and he chose silence. Then there were times I had groups of people listening, because they wanted to, because it was interesting. Those were cool times. I think you have to go forth and take a chance and talk when the spirit moves you but also be sensitive to others interest about what youre saying. Sometimes people are silent because they're thinking, or listening, and sometimes Ive thought they were about to smash me in the face, so, just having a sense of what interests them gives you a better idea how far to take things I think. Its hard for me cause Im a natural arguer and learning when to be silent is a lesson worth learning too I think. Im not saying you should be silent, just myself sometimes.

I don't think I pressed religion on them. All I did was tell them who I was and I never spoke another word of it. I hardly mentioned it.

Thats not pressing on them then and its cool you told them a little about yourself. Its up to them to decide if they want to know more. You should still accept yourself for all the goodness you know is in you whether they love and appreciate you or not. It takes time to build solid friendships but it can happen.

I only spoke of religion once or twice. I don't think they want to know more. I think they want to see how I treat them.

Thats ok. While they check you out, you can check them out. If they're checking you out, put your best foot forward. let them know you're not only religious, you really care about all people cause thats what most religions teach. let them check on that some and maybe they're interested, or maybe not. Dont be afraid to keep trying. Its better when you live in a larger community cause then you can try again and again. This is way harder in small communities. There you only get a few chances. In either case, put your best forward, it helps a lot if these are people you can be totally yourself and honest with and who dont judge you yet still have principles somewhat similar to your own. You're doing ok. Dont give up and dont get mad, at them, or yourself, it just takes time and circumstance to come together.

actually some of the people that i talk to know me pretty well even though i may just be an "acquaintance" to them.

I think I know what you mean. I was only an acquaintance to most people I met too. I was really guarded in my speech and people didnt seem to get what I was saying. There were a few people that accepted me just the way I was. I still have those friends and we see each other sometimes. A lot of thier friends realize they know me through being with my original group cause we all ran into each other over the years at random but I never really spoke much outside the main circle. Friends have come and gone, I live in a college town and a lot of the people I knew moved on or we had disagreements and stopped being together. I admit I was really hard to understand, didnt understand myself very well and was generally a pretty complex person. Few people took time to understand me but there were, at key times, people who seemed to see inside me and understand a lot about how I felt without much discussion. It was always their smile that told me what good people they were inside themselves and made me want to be just like them. Confident and loving.