[littlehands]

I have 2 children 15 and 25 yr old, both girls.....I have raised them to always respect their elders and not cause trouble in this world, cause there is already enough chaos as it is....I am having trouble with my 15 yr old, she being so rebellious, going against things she knows is wrong, and she knows the struggles I have had, losing their dads, (both have different fathers and I have been a widow 2x), if that isn't enough, I know they are angry and mad at the owrld, but my youngest is so full of rage and bitterness, and I am losing a grip on her...Like I have no control...I am a new Christian and am learning to trust God, but they are so angry they don't want to hear about him....but I keep on loving them, and encouraging them, and letting them see God through me as I try to hold on to my belief as well....and where I came from I was the same way, but much worse, my parents were Satanists, and when they died when I was very young, they never gave me a chance to know God...but hate everything and everybody....So how did they turn so easily, even against me who has never abused them,, or neglected them? I will admit I don't know how to be a MOM, cause I lost mine so young....any advice?

[sabby]

(((((((((((((((((littlehands)))))))))))))))))

I'm sorry you are going through this with your daughter. Teenage years can be so grueling for everyone sometimes.

Have you considered getting her, or the both of you into therapy? It may help you both to learn how to talk to one another instead of yelling/screaming, the silent treatment, rudeness, etc.

I'm glad you found God and that belief is helping you through this. It's possible at this time your girls are not ready yet to see God as you do. With both their fathers gone, they may feel like there is nothing worth believing in at the moment. If they never truly grieved their losses, it can come back to them in ways that are so difficult to deal with.

These are just some random thoughts of mine. I could be way off base here. But please know that I care and I hope that you will find some ways to help your daughters through this.

As long as you are doing the best you can do to take care of your children, just because they may be rebelling in ways, doesn't make you a bad mom. It makes you a very human mom who has no rule book to follow, just her heart and her best intentions

Keep posting and I'm sure others will chime in with some good thoughts and ideas!

I'm wishing you and your daughters peace and strength!

Hugsssss
J

[SeptemberMorn]

There will be nothing that will test your faith more than watching a daughter grow up. All you can do is give her to God and let Him do most of it. Hold on to the way you raised her.

No doubt your family dynamics have changed quite a bit since you became a Christian. You have found new values and discarded some. She's probably rebelling against the fact that the rules have changed some.

Pray for your daughters continually. You can't change them, but God can!

[littlehands]

yeah, thx for the advice, I guess I have been trying to pacify her and be her best friend because I feel sorry for her, and it isn't working , she takes advantage of me, my own guilt about my mom, and the abuse I took from her, I promised myself I would never treat my children the same way, but I guess I have lots to learn....I am not nieve to manipultaion, but it snuck up on me.....believe me I too never got to grieve, because I had to be strong for them...be the tough one...and there are days I am ready to lose it....seems God allows things to happen so when you ahve had enough you will learn to depend on him, instead of me....I am so tired....hugs....to you all

[(JD)]

Family sit down discussions are necessary imo. Talk talk talk...listen a lot too. It's ok not to have the answers they ask, tell them you'll work on finding out (together?) Let them know it's ok to be angry at God, He's a big Guy and can handle it, plus He fully understands it. God said, Come now and let us reason together... let them vent to God and allow Him to show them His love. What they and you have been through has been tough. Things can change, have already and will continue as you grow in Christ.

You have to have some firm rules in your home. At one of the sit down discussions, agree together to the rules (checking in at home, telling you who you are with, giving you contact info for all their friends, what time is curfew, when they have to have work/chore/homework whatever! done before doing fun? Make a list of what is important to you. Let them know what you need from the relationship. Let them know what you will give in the relationship. (To listen, not react or if you do to calm yourself asap to work through any issue, provide xx clothes or spending money..etc)

Write the rules down..and then this is the important part: agree to the discipline if a rule is broken. It doesn't have to be the same for each rule (not always grounded etc) Write it all down and put it in a place for viewing. This way, they know the consequence. You don't have to be the ogre to tell them or decide, they have helped decide and agreed. It is the rule chart that is the ogre, they have made a choice of their own (to break a rule or not.) Don't fudge...even if it's prom night etc.

Young ppl need rules. They also need discipline. That's part of how they know you care about them: you enforce the rules and keep them safer. Tell them they can do this with their own children, once they are in their own home with their own rules (to which they might say, I'm NEVER having children!!!! )