[LadyShadow]

Hello!

I know we are not supposed to speak about religion here so I will keep it in very generic terms. I met someone online about a month ago that was speaking about her "faith" and it really sounded like something I would be interested in. This "faith" is not a religion just a broad range of spiritual attributes and belief in God. Me and this friend had several spiritual discussions and it made a wonderful bond.

However, as life kept me away from my time online she became very angry and suspicious of me. What she was preaching did not make add up to the way she was behaving. Anyway, she wrote me a very angry email saying bad things such as "I deserve whatever happened to me" and other things that I will not discuss because they were horrible. I politely responded by telling her that I valued her as a sister, and I loved her, but I think we should end our friendship because she is too explosive for me. I also said I would still look into the "faith" we discussed, because I am really interested in it.

Her response to that email made me cry. She called me a sociopath, and some really terrible horrible vile things. Things that NO ONE has ever said to me before. I have never come across such hateful words in my life and they really made me cry, and broke my heart.

The problem is, I went to the "faith" center on Friday and met with some really wonderful people who gave me books and information for me to learn the new "faith". But as I was reading I was having flashbacks of her vile words. In fact she said "I could care less if you want to be a Baha'i, they don't need sociopathic "wh*res" like you in their community" Those words echo in my head as I am trying to connect with this faith.

Does anyone have any suggestions how I can remove these thoughts from my head and continue with this wonderful faith, that promotes nothing but unity, spirituality, and love?

Thanks and blessings to you all!

[CANDC]

Shunryu Suzuki, wrote www.arvindguptatoys.com/arvindgupta/zenmind.pdf

That might be a place to start.

[alchemy63]

question: if you would like to arrive at love, could you start at love?

Sending you hugs Platinum. Sometimes, the love you feel could be above what others feel, but, it's only love. Maybe have patience for people who don't understand right now? I think, by thinking about this question, you show how deeply thoughtful you are, about yourself, and people you meet. It's a positive that you feel this way and ponder.

[LadyShadow]

Originally Posted by alchemy63

question: if you would like to arrive at love, could you start at love?

Sending you hugs Platinum. Sometimes, the love you feel could be above what others feel, but, it's only love. Maybe have patience for people who don't understand right now? I think, by thinking about this question, you show how deeply thoughtful you are, about yourself, and people you meet. It's a positive that you feel this way and ponder.

Very good point alchemy! I think you are right, I can understand and forgive, I think that is the key. It is a very powerful message. Start at love, I like that. It makes a lot of sense. I am not above anyone else spiritually but I have grown enough to where I have come to a respect for the divine through love.

Thank you so much for your hugs and kind words. They are well appreciated.

Love and blessings to you!

question: if you would like to arrive at love, could you start at love?

Outstanding question. Finding something that already fits with yourself is also great as finding something you wish to learn and grow into.

I think if this new way to direct your spirituallity is right for you, you will find the strength and compassion to move on from this person. I'm a bit familiar withwhat i think you alluded to. You may find your answer in what manner to proceed.

In the meantime try to ignore this person, or reduce contact, or make it short. I try to put myself in control of situations like these. At the beginning i advise them I'm between things and have to keep it short (yes a white lie). That way when things get too heated, i have my excuse to bow out. I think it is within sprituality to have to do this. It is part of self care.

[Thunder Bow]

Originally Posted by PlatinumHeart

Hello!

I know we are not supposed to speak about religion here so I will keep it in very generic terms. I met someone online about a month ago that was speaking about her "faith" and it really sounded like something I would be interested in. This "faith" is not a religion just a broad range of spiritual attributes and belief in God. Me and this friend had several spiritual discussions and it made a wonderful bond.

However, as life kept me away from my time online she became very angry and suspicious of me. What she was preaching did not make add up to the way she was behaving. Anyway, she wrote me a very angry email saying bad things such as "I deserve whatever happened to me" and other things that I will not discuss because they were horrible. I politely responded by telling her that I valued her as a sister, and I loved her, but I think we should end our friendship because she is too explosive for me. I also said I would still look into the "faith" we discussed, because I am really interested in it.

Her response to that email made me cry. She called me a sociopath, and some really terrible horrible vile things. Things that NO ONE has ever said to me before. I have never come across such hateful words in my life and they really made me cry, and broke my heart.

The problem is, I went to the "faith" center on Friday and met with some really wonderful people who gave me books and information for me to learn the new "faith". But as I was reading I was having flashbacks of her vile words. In fact she said "I could care less if you want to be a Baha'i, they don't need sociopathic "wh*res" like you in their community" Those words echo in my head as I am trying to connect with this faith.

Does anyone have any suggestions how I can remove these thoughts from my head and continue with this wonderful faith, that promotes nothing but unity, spirituality, and love?

Thanks and blessings to you all!

Often "Faith" can be described as "Control" That member was controlling you with her Faith and her Angry E Mails (That is also called bullying).Bullying is all about Control. It is no wonder you had flash backs, when you tried to re-enter that "Faith". Please block her E Mails and stay away from those controlling people in that "Faith Center". You do not need that kind of thing to be a Spiritual Person.

Hi PlatinumHeart, I don't know what "faith" you are speaking of, but I too try to practice faith in God.

The first thing I can tell you is, that this woman is totally not in line with faith. Faith is exactly that, it's belief, especially in people. Accusations are in opposition to faith. An accuser has no faith in the said person.

She is acting as a test of your faith in yourself too. You have to believe that what she has said is false. Can you honestly say or believe beyond all doubt that it is possible you are indeed a sociopath? I don't think so. Sociopaths don't come onto PsychCentral to seek help anyways.

And, from what I have read, I'd say you have too much of a heart and a conscience to be a sociopath. For example, this woman's accusations broke your heart, a sociopath is hard and feels nothing.

You know that these words of hers are false, I don't have to tell you that. So, don't sweat it, I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say you're just fine, and a great person!

Her words are meaningless falsehoods.

Take care!

[(JD)]

Hmmm... if you went to the source of their faith's educational center... then that IS what they believe and truly, you don't belong there??? You want an unconditional loving faith... I suggest you keep seeking.

Here's an old site, but the questionaire will help you see which "faith" is most closely aligned with what you already believe. Belief-O-Matic | What Do I Believe | Faith Quiz | What's My Religion | Spiritual Beliefs Quiz | What Religion Am I - Beliefnet.com

[the sad queen]

religion, your faith with what you worship, its between you and it. not between you and the person
i dont understand why she did this? its really horrible to suddenly start yelling and cursing someone like this, but its not related to faith its related to her personality which doesnt seem good at all although people who really follow faith try to be good as possible with others.

and as someone explained sociopaths dont feel at all, dont care, they could hurt someone and never feel they did something wrong that's why they usually dont seek help.

i know that we usually start remembering old times we spend with someone and feel sad about it, but well she seem bad person to say all this, if you really like this faith i would say try to continue searching about it and enjoy it because you love it not because you shared it with her, maybe she just came on your road to introduce you to this faith, as they say everyone we meet for reason then her mission done(she ended it).

and you're surely good person.

[StarLife]

Hello Platinum. I am sorry that this thing has happened to you.

Several people have said that you should look on this person with a feeling of love and acceptance and that is how you will be able to move on. One person has suggested that this is a test of your faith.

I become very irritated when people, particularly people of certain religions, say things like this. The reason why is that most of us here have mental health issues that either have been or will be with us for the rest of our lives. On top of that, there are all the people with debilitating physical health issues, not to mention all the people starving or being trained to kill as children or being sold into slavery or human trafficking and the list goes on and on. In cases like all of these, one might say that life itself is a "test" of your faith in God - and he's the one doing the testing. I think that if this were true, all of us would either have no faith at all or would simply want to stop living.

I'm going to take a more practical, rooted-in-reality approach. The first thing that you need to realize about this woman is that she has mental health issues of her own. Her reaction as you described it is NOT NORMAL. I'm sure that a lot of people around here don't like the word "normal". My own therapist doesn't like it! But the fact of the matter is that there are certain socially acceptable ways to act, react, and to treat someone in polite society. When someone so seriously deviates from that "norm" in such a relationship as you two had - that of friends - it is fair to assume that the person is not psychologically healthy or stable. I obviously can't put the stamp of mental illness on this person but I wouldn't be surprised if she had one of the personality disorders. The other option is that she is religious to the point of being a zealot. Zealots often bear the same characteristics as people who are involved in a cult. That could be why she was so fiercely trying to defend this faith against you - as if you were a threat somehow.

In any case, with regards to this situation she is the one who is messed up in the head, not you. If you really identify with this faith and want to be a part of it just think of her as a bad apple. But, I would advise you to be on the lookout for any other people who might be equally zealous. If there are a few, stay away. If there are many, get out and move on.

[Fuzzybear]

[avlady]

i pray every day for everyone here and other people and myself too. i also get unwanted thoughts while i'm praying that i dont know why or where they came from.

[TryingToMoveForward]

It sounds like your friend may have been BPD....it sounds like, because you weren't as available, she felt abandoned. And that generally causes emotional outbursts and lashing out in inappropriate rage. That's just my guess anyway, obviously I can't diagnose that woman, but I would say that is pretty unstable emotional behavior in reaction to you being less available.

You certainly are not a sociopathic *****. From what you said, such an accusation doesn't even make sense. I don't think this woman has ever met a real sociopath. Otherwise she wouldn't have made that mistake.

I've personally been having faith issues too. Negative thoughts in my head that are coming between what I believe and the faith I have been pursing for a long time now. And its from what other people have said to me as well. Freedom of religion does not mean your free to pursue any type of spirituality. There are racial biases. That is my own observation anyway. The spiritual path that really calls to me is one I can't follow because of my race, and I have faced discrimination over it. And a serious of other negative experiences this past year has kind of killed so much of my will to practice a faith. What people do and say can ruin so many things for us, if we let them.

Don't let that woman ruin your spiritual experience. And maybe someday I won't let my past experiences ruin mine.

Originally Posted by StarLife

Hello Platinum. I am sorry that this thing has happened to you.

Several people have said that you should look on this person with a feeling of love and acceptance and that is how you will be able to move on. One person has suggested that this is a test of your faith.

I become very irritated when people, particularly people of certain religions, say things like this. The reason why is that most of us here have mental health issues that either have been or will be with us for the rest of our lives. On top of that, there are all the people with debilitating physical health issues, not to mention all the people starving or being trained to kill as children or being sold into slavery or human trafficking and the list goes on and on. In cases like all of these, one might say that life itself is a "test" of your faith in God - and he's the one doing the testing. I think that if this were true, all of us would either have no faith at all or would simply want to stop living.

I'm going to take a more practical, rooted-in-reality approach. The first thing that you need to realize about this woman is that she has mental health issues of her own. Her reaction as you described it is NOT NORMAL. I'm sure that a lot of people around here don't like the word "normal". My own therapist doesn't like it! But the fact of the matter is that there are certain socially acceptable ways to act, react, and to treat someone in polite society. When someone so seriously deviates from that "norm" in such a relationship as you two had - that of friends - it is fair to assume that the person is not psychologically healthy or stable. I obviously can't put the stamp of mental illness on this person but I wouldn't be surprised if she had one of the personality disorders. The other option is that she is religious to the point of being a zealot. Zealots often bear the same characteristics as people who are involved in a cult. That could be why she was so fiercely trying to defend this faith against you - as if you were a threat somehow.

In any case, with regards to this situation she is the one who is messed up in the head, not you. If you really identify with this faith and want to be a part of it just think of her as a bad apple. But, I would advise you to be on the lookout for any other people who might be equally zealous. If there are a few, stay away. If there are many, get out and move on.

What is normal?

[StarLife]

Originally Posted by Anonymous200265

What is normal?

In this instance, I am using the word normal to describe how most people, probably the vast majority of people, would react given the circumstances described by the OP. There was something very ABNormal in the way that woman reacted. This woman was someone who the OP had known for a short time. And, as the op described, she her emails saying horrible, vicious things. This is the kind of thing that usually happens when a friend has to dump their good friend because the friend did something awful, and even then, it's very rare for anyone to even do this

So the point is that this woman did something really nuts. She called the op a sociopathic wh**e, on top of all the things she said before. Now, if you wouldn't even do this to a good friend who betrayed you, how in the hell would you think it's an acceptable way to act toward someone you barely know?

Sent from my SM-G920T using Tapatalk

[yagr]

First, I would like to say that I'm sorry that you are suffering over this situation. Second, as a spiritual seeker, can you see the marvelous buffet that this person laid out at your feet? Let's take a look:

Originally Posted by PlatinumHeart

Does anyone have any suggestions how I can remove these thoughts from my head and continue with this wonderful faith, that promotes nothing but unity, spirituality, and love?

Remove thoughts from your head? Well, perhaps. Where do thoughts come from and where do they go?

Sensations lead to thoughts;
Thoughts lead to feelings;
Feelings lead to behaviors;
Behaviors lead to beliefs.

You can't stop your thoughts, they come like the tide. You were having a moment trying to connect with this faith and here comes the tide. Do you remove the tide from the ocean?

I'll bet you've heard the saying, "You can't afford the luxury of a single negative thought, not one." This saying does not mean the thought doesn't come but the idea of 'negative' is a value judgement - a feeling. Do not nurture the thought long enough to allow the feeling to take root. Observe the thought, and like the tide, allow it to return to where it came from without grasping at it. What we water and fertilize grows, what we neglect, dies. For example:

In the midst of a rather loud and animated argument recently, of which I wasn't a participant, I began to smile. It caught the participants attention and their attention shifted to me.
"You think this is funny?" one asked verbally while the other looked like the words had been taken right out of her mouth.
"No. Not at all," I said.
"Then what are you smiling about?" he pressed.
"I was just thinking how much I loved you both and a smile just sort of appeared. Excuse me," I said as I got up and left the room.
I don't know if they sorted it out or not but it got a lot quieter.

The arguments start and so do my thoughts. Like so:
"Gosh darn it Frank, don't do this..."
Hmm, don't like that one...
"For crying out loud Beth, don't feed into it..."
Nope, don't like that one either...
"I wish they wouldn't fight..."
Yuck, nope again...
"Cause I love them so much..."
THERE'S MY HUCKLEBERRY! Focus on that, yagr.


And then I do...when I'm successful. I'm not always successful but I always try. Which I suppose is why it's called a 'practice'.

[Gus1234U]

as long as we believe that things are as we perceive them to be, unalterable and immutable, we will feel helpless, and like victims, suffering at the hands of an unfriendly universe.

but when we realize that all things are alterable, in view and experience, then we begin to realize that the universe is our friend, giving us lessons every moment in how we can change in order to stop feeling victimized.

i call this the Friendly Universe, and i do not demand perfection of myself, but only observation and mindfulness as much as possible. i hope to give this gift to others, also, more and more every day in every way~

may you have peace, and the causes of peace~

[(JD)]

Prayer here