[ScientiaOmnisEst]

So a while back, I made a thread about feeling a conflict between a desire to pursue my own weird little ambitions despite intellectual awareness of how it isn't ultimately going to mean anything.

Apparently, this didn't get resolved.

Why does it hurt so much? Why do (not so) random things remind me of how happenstance my existence is, how soon I'll be forgotten, how empty, from a global or certainly universal perspective, any of my accomplishments are. So why bother doing them, because I can't quite manage to strive for something while simultaneously believing with all my heart that it doesn't matter at all. Heck, what of how meaningless my own internal psychodrama, my feelings, my Self are. I mean, they're everything to me, I'd like to share them with someone else. But maybe it's wrong to feel that way, considering the reality...

I'm really sorry for bothering everyone with this crap again. It's annoying to me too. I guess I just don't know what to do with myself.

Seemingly everyone else can deal with this, what am I missing?

I was like this at some point in my life, but then I said to myself: which is better, to live your life and be the happiest you could be and then be forgotten (or die), or to live in misery and then be forgotten? I think what we do in this life means something to us while we are alive. I personally not doing anything to be remembered for. I just want to be happy in my short life on Earth by adopting the right means. Why to be happy, you might ask? Because misery is painful, while happiness is joyful. There is a reason why happy people live longer, because it's healthier to be happy. I always think about this: I didn't ask for this life, my parents didn't ask me if I want to come to life (it's not literal because I don't believe that we exist before we are conceived), and I feel sometimes I'm trapped in it. But then realize this isn't helpful. We cannot change that we exist. The question is then: how to exist?

[Out There]

To see a world in a grain of sand and a heaven in a wild flower , hold infinity in the palm of your hand and eternity in an hour. A truth that's told with good intent beats all the lies you can invent. It is right it should be so , man was made for joys and woe, and when this you rightly know - Thro' the world you safely go.

[ScientiaOmnisEst]

Hi, I wanted to reply to your other post here:

Originally Posted by Out There

Your torture is finding the right way to live. Your salvation might be finding the right way to die. And I do not mean literally - this is a big philosophical idea. You seem to be having a big existential crisis , are you with a T? Perhaps you could use a little humour ,try " Henri the existential cat " videos on YouTube.

I feel like an idiot for being so troubled, though. That's an interesting idea though, "learning to die". what does it mean?

I found myself remembering a whole bunch of "harsh truths" I've found myself reading lately: you're not special, your suffering doesn't make you special, who are you to act like you're special or different or like you matter? We all struggle in life, your suffering doesn't entitle you to love, to self-expression, to anything. Well then, what am I supposed to do with myself? How am I allowed to behave? I find myself recalling this a lot just as I'm lapsing into my own success fantasies, or watching some show with all the usual tropes of special powers, missions and junk. You know, specialness. That thing no one has.

I guess it's because I think a lot about having a really interesting life and doing cool stuff - of improving myself to be someone "special", different, interesting. I'm prone to inner drama but, as I think about these "truths"...do I have the right to that? I'm no one, who am I to be so narcissistic as to dramatize my feelings, to think of myself like the hero of a novel or something equally subjective and, admittedly, self-glorifying? Who am I to strive towards anything? I mean, I want to be someone who stands out, who is special...

Yeah, this probably ties into this nonsense.

Originally Posted by Wandering Soul

The question is then: how to exist?

EXACTLY! But everyone has such different ideas, how do you know who's right? With criticism coming from almost every direction, how is it possible to accommodate all of it?

[avlady]

there is nothing wrong with wanting to be someone important, we all feel this at some time or other. as for myself i don't care if i'm remembered after i'm gone. i want to have friends here and now of which i have only a few now, as my mental state brings me down and away from any chance of having them. i hope you like you're friends and good luck!!

Originally Posted by ScientiaOmnisEst

...
EXACTLY! But everyone has such different ideas, how do you know who's right? With criticism coming from almost every direction, how is it possible to accommodate all of it?

Right, it's your job to find your way of living that makes you happy. It's something subjective.

[ScientiaOmnisEst]

What do you guys think about the spotlight effect and "false uniqueness" - how everyone thinks their internal narrative, reactions, thoughts, and opinions are totally unique and strange, when really, no one's are. Or at least, there are many more people you have things in common with.

Ha, I can't believe I'm admitting this.

Learning about these things and thinking about them hurts, incredibly, makes me kind of sick. If I'm just like everyone else, what good am I? If my internal world is just like anyone else's, what's the point of existing? It means all my emotions are invalid, all my perceptions are boring, I'm just totally redundant. Who wants something redundant? I don't. My inner self is everything to me, but it that really an accurate way to view myself? Is it right to value myself so much, to want to share my inner thoughts that anyone else could have had?

Or what right do I have to feel misunderstood and lonely, to feel isolated? I'm just like everyone else, and my connection problems, whatever the heck they are, likely aren't the first or only.

For some reason, this doesn't bother me completely.... but it does at the same time, like the lack of uniqueness of any trait just sort of....negates the whole person. If I can't stand out, I might as well not exist.

God, I feel pathetic.

[Out There]

I think we are all unique and are all unique expressions of a whole. An ocean is made up of drops of water that are individual and also part of the whole. Let's look at the grain of sand. It sits on the beach experiencing and the whole universe experiences its entirety through that grain of sand. We know the universe keeps expanding - why would it need to do this? Perhaps you can think of it as a repository of the experience of everything - imagine going into an ever expanding repository to look for the experience of that single grain of sand? The poem is William Blake , who knew a few things , like Carl Jung. Now Carl Jung said " I must hint at things that other people don't know or don't want to know". Does Carl Jung cease to exist? He is no longer walking the physical realm , but does everything he did while he was cease to exist? " Oh , we must take all his books out of the libraries - he doesn't exist anymore ! ' And it is a deep philosophy and not easy. We tend to focus on our physical body as being who we are and our existence. Its like a suitcase full of washing. We aren't the suitcase - we are the washing. And there's quite an industry for making the suitcase look good - if it has a nose / boob job it will be so much happier. It doesn't look as good as the other suitcases. But its the washing inside - the suitcase looks great but the washing is filthy. People do subscribe to the suitcase. Does anything ever get " lost "?. The universe puts out its building blocks of sperm and egg and experiences everything that comes from what grows - the child's first crayon strokes on a piece of paper , does anything ever get " lost " or cease to exist? The existential dillema is difficult.

Everyone is unique. The human genome allows for much more number of humans to exist than ever existed and will exist. Every human's genes are different, even if slightly because until recently humans bred within their own groups and races, and their is no enough diversification although it's allowed by the genome.

Every human's experiences are different. And thus different humans are different, if not by the experience, its by their genes. Can you have two Issac Newtons, or two Mozarts? You can find Albert Einstein and Beethoven, but they are't the same as Issac Newton and Mozart.

Said that, I think different experiences and different genes ultimately generate the same emotions. Here I think you are right, we are all the same. But this is a good thing, because this means we can sympathize and empathize with others, because we understand how it feels to be, say, lonely. But how we express it could be different.

[Out There]

There is a whole school of philosophy built around looking at a tree. Looked at from earth the tree is still , looked at from off earth the tree is moving. We can experience joy , ecstasy , anguish and despair and everything in between. The philosophical debate has been going on for centuries and we're still at it. Stephen Hawking tries to say Philosophy is a dead science , but as long as humans are walking the planet I think we're going to wonder where we are , why we're here and what it's all about.

[Katieissweet]

You need to do something with your time you're overthinking everything,go sit under a tree please anything to quell the intense self absorption.you have paralysis by analysis.

[ScientiaOmnisEst]

Originally Posted by Katieissweet

You need to do something with your time you're overthinking everything,go sit under a tree please anything to quell the intense self absorption.you have paralysis by analysis.

True. I find myself thinking the same thing.

My regular internal crises are almost all there is to me. And it's getting worse by the day - and I still can't tell whether using forums like a journal is good or bad. I'm getting a little better at keeping pain to myself, though.

Actually acting and accomplishing things feels so wrong though.

I shouldn't be talking about this with anyone, but I still can't help myself.

Have you tried to shut your thoughts and do something without keep thinking about it? I commented previously about this, and I felt that it wasn't received very well. I think it's OK to talk about your thoughts, but it does seem that you overthink everything, while keeping yourself trapped. Time is moving forward regardless of what we're doing or thinking.

[ScientiaOmnisEst]

Originally Posted by Wandering Soul

Have you tried to shut your thoughts and do something without keep thinking about it? I commented previously about this, and I felt that it wasn't received very well. I think it's OK to talk about your thoughts, but it does seem that you overthink everything, while keeping yourself trapped. Time is moving forward regardless of what we're doing or thinking.

I do overthink everything. Mostly the only ways I can shut it out are daydreaming, sleeping, consuming entertainment of some kind and occasionally food for shutting up emotions.

Some part of me romanticizes the notion of "burying one's pain in work", and I'd do that if I could come up with enough work (and discipline) to actually make it work.

You can probably guess I suck at meditation.

Our minds work 24/7. Thus if we don't at least distract our thoughts, or at best direct them, they will lead us astray. You mentioned that you're alone and isolated. Have you tried to do something about it without thinking that you're misunderstood ALL the time, or about the meaning of being connected or about your place in the universe or multiverse? To just be there around people without any prerequisite or purpose. You don't have to meditate. Most people don't. I don't, and I won't.

By the way, do/did you study philosophy by any chance?

[ScientiaOmnisEst]

Originally Posted by Wandering Soul

Our minds work 24/7. Thus if we don't at least distract our thoughts, or at best direct them, they will lead us astray. You mentioned that you're alone and isolated. Have you tried to do something about it without thinking that you're misunderstood ALL the time, or about the meaning of being connected or about your place in the universe or multiverse?

I don't think I'm misunderstood; I just worry I'm doing life wrong. All the time.

And no, I haven't tried to do much about it. There...isn't much of a me besides a mess of stupid emotional issues. If there ever used to be, I don't remember it an am probably ashamed of it.

Wow, that sounded bad.

To just be there around people without any prerequisite or purpose. You don't have to meditate. Most people don't. I don't, and I won't.

What do I do then? Just being "around people" - I do that every day. It doesn't make a difference. You mean like being a friend? Most of that's online for me...

By the way, do/did you study philosophy by any chance?

LOL, I'm too dumb for real philosophy. I just used to hang out online with a bunch of people who are naturally deep thinkers, so issues of life, meaning, the future, etc were always on the main forum board. I retired from there, but after two years of obsessive daily logins the attitude stuck with me.

[Katieissweet]

Im on a philosophy forum ,the people are not deep thinkers they are only able to think in terms of systems,theories and structures (left brain centric) that's it,they tend not to think in a riddled or metaphoric way which to me would suggest deep thinking.

[Katieissweet]

I absolutely love jung and blake.

Originally Posted by Out There

I think we are all unique and are all unique expressions of a whole. An ocean is made up of drops of water that are individual and also part of the whole. Let's look at the grain of sand. It sits on the beach experiencing and the whole universe experiences its entirety through that grain of sand. We know the universe keeps expanding - why would it need to do this? Perhaps you can think of it as a repository of the experience of everything - imagine going into an ever expanding repository to look for the experience of that single grain of sand? The poem is William Blake , who knew a few things , like Carl Jung. Now Carl Jung said " I must hint at things that other people don't know or don't want to know". Does Carl Jung cease to exist? He is no longer walking the physical realm , but does everything he did while he was cease to exist? " Oh , we must take all his books out of the libraries - he doesn't exist anymore ! ' And it is a deep philosophy and not easy. We tend to focus on our physical body as being who we are and our existence. Its like a suitcase full of washing. We aren't the suitcase - we are the washing. And there's quite an industry for making the suitcase look good - if it has a nose / boob job it will be so much happier. It doesn't look as good as the other suitcases. But its the washing inside - the suitcase looks great but the washing is filthy. People do subscribe to the suitcase. Does anything ever get " lost "?. The universe puts out its building blocks of sperm and egg and experiences everything that comes from what grows - the child's first crayon strokes on a piece of paper , does anything ever get " lost " or cease to exist? The existential dillema is difficult.

Originally Posted by ScientiaOmnisEst

I don't think I'm misunderstood; I just worry I'm doing life wrong. All the time.

And no, I haven't tried to do much about it. There...isn't much of a me besides a mess of stupid emotional issues. If there ever used to be, I don't remember it an am probably ashamed of it.

Wow, that sounded bad.


What do I do then? Just being "around people" - I do that every day. It doesn't make a difference. You mean like being a friend? Most of that's online for me...


LOL, I'm too dumb for real philosophy. I just used to hang out online with a bunch of people who are naturally deep thinkers, so issues of life, meaning, the future, etc were always on the main forum board. I retired from there, but after two years of obsessive daily logins the attitude stuck with me.

How do you know that you live your life wrong? There must be a measure of correct and wrong. I don't think there is one correct way to live. Also, living wrong is part of living right. We adjust to life with experience.

[Out There]

When your mind is still you will hear the birds singing. I use that as a gauge for myself. I go to the local park , can I hear them singing? If not there's lots of mind chatter going on , so I clear it till I can hear them. Then its on the universes harmonic frequency rather than a discord frequency.

[Onward2wards]

1. The unexamined life is not worth living (it is important to think things through and find meaning)
2. The unlived life is not worth examining (it is important to pursue one's passions and find pleasure day to day)
3. Both of the above are true.

If I lose the balance between the two, I'm not happy.

[Mr.Arch-Vile]

Scientia,

I find your thread somewhat frustrating because I don't exactly know how to break into the conversation.

All I gonna say is that from my experience these things happen like the weather.

Pay attention to how you felt when you posted this, and then a few months afterwards you will see.

[AnnaBettina]

Speaking of Hawking, I like this quote...

"What I have done is to show that it is possible for the way the universe began to be determined by the laws of science. In that case, it would not be necessary to appeal to God to decide how the universe began. This doesn't prove that there is no God, only that God is not necessary."

AnnaBettina