[ImmerAllein]

The human mind is expert at attempting to rationalize suffering. Maybe that's what I'm doing now. I have suffered since the age of 13 and I'll be 33 next week. I wanna know why !!!

I don't have anyone/anywhere else to confess, so I came here. Ten years ago, I did the only thing I regret ... the only thing that could/would be considered a sin ... the only action I would take back if I could.

I slept with a wife and mother of two. I was 23, suicidal, and had never kissed a woman before. She was 36, unhappy in her marriage, and also had another lover.

Apart from that one action, I have only done good things, I have gone out of my way to help others, over and over and over again, expecting nothing in return. I have unconditionally loved many.

I cannot think of another reason for all the suffering, which began ten years before I met that woman. I am paying for my action. I think I have more than paid my dues.

If this world is hell for me, the next world has to be heaven, right ?

[Skeezyks]

Hello ImmerAllein: I'm sorry you are struggling. I send hugs your way with the hope you you will be able to find deep peace within...

[Michelea]

I am sorry that life hasn't been kinder to you. Prayers, hugs, and strength for you.

[Fuzzybear]

[Thunder Bow]

Stop looking into the past to feel bad about yourself. You have to take care of yourself fist before you can help others. I do not think it was such a bad thing when you slept with her. At that time, you both had a need. Maybe a healing took place for both of you at that time as a result of this. Each event in life has its reason and time and place. Your suffering will end when you feel better about yourself. I think you can be a healer, for you and others.

[Open Eyes]

It's time for forgive yourself for being human. Twenty three is still very young, you met a woman who drew you in sexually. Maybe "she" needed to have some comfort too. It's ok to have regrets, that too is part of just being human.

[Booh]

“When a man finds that it is his destiny to suffer, he will have to accept his suffering as his task.... He will have to acknowledge the fact that even in suffering he is unique and alone in the universe. No one can relieve him of his suffering or suffer in his place. His unique opportunity lies in the way in which he bears his burden..” -- Viktor E. Frankl.

Hello, Immer Allein. Have you read Dr. Frankl's book, Man's Search for Meaning? If not, the survivor of Auschwitz concentration camp may inspire you. Particularly note:

But let me make it perfectly clear that in no way is suffering necessary to find meaning. I only insist that meaning is possible even in spite of suffering--provided, certainly, that the suffering is unavoidable. If it were avoidable, however, the meaningful thing to do would be to remove its cause, be it psychological, biological or political...

I wish you well.

[avlady]

yes human nature sometimes causes problems with everyone, we have to rise above it.

[JayKite]

Originally Posted by ImmerAllein

The human mind is expert at attempting to rationalize suffering. Maybe that's what I'm doing now. I have suffered since the age of 13 and I'll be 33 next week. I wanna know why !!!


I don't have anyone/anywhere else to confess, so I came here. Ten years ago, I did the only thing I regret ... the only thing that could/would be considered a sin ... the only action I would take back if I could.


I slept with a wife and mother of two. I was 23, suicidal, and had never kissed a woman before. She was 36, unhappy in her marriage, and also had another lover.


Apart from that one action, I have only done good things, I have gone out of my way to help others, over and over and over again, expecting nothing in return. I have unconditionally loved many.


I cannot think of another reason for all the suffering, which began ten years before I met that woman. I am paying for my action. I think I have more than paid my dues.


If this world is hell for me, the next world has to be heaven, right ?

You sound like an amazing person and deserve nothing but greatness in your life!

I know how it feels to perceive life as nothing but a suffering, yet dead end road and it's a difficult place to live in and especially difficult to get out of. But that shouldn't mean that hope doesn't exist in this lifetime because as long as we believe in better days ahead, we're bound to cross paths with a new light.

Heaven exists in this life time my brother! You'll get there I promise.

[ImmerAllein]

Originally Posted by JayKite

You sound like an amazing person and deserve nothing but greatness in your life!

I know how it feels to perceive life as nothing but a suffering, yet dead end road and it's a difficult place to live in and especially difficult to get out of. But that shouldn't mean that hope doesn't exist in this lifetime because as long as we believe in better days ahead, we're bound to cross paths with a new light.

Heaven exists in this life time my brother! You'll get there I promise.

JayKite, thank you so much for your kind words !!! Really made my day

[ImmerAllein]

Originally Posted by Booh

Hello, Immer Allein. Have you read Dr. Frankl's book, Man's Search for Meaning? If not, the survivor of Auschwitz concentration camp may inspire you. Particularly note:

But let me make it perfectly clear that in no way is suffering necessary to find meaning. I only insist that meaning is possible even in spite of suffering--provided, certainly, that the suffering is unavoidable. If it were avoidable, however, the meaningful thing to do would be to remove its cause, be it psychological, biological or political...

I wish you well.

Interesting, thanks for sharing ! Will have to check it out.

[JayKite]

Originally Posted by ImmerAllein

JayKite, thank you so much for your kind words !!! Really made my day

You got this man!! Glad you seem positivit

[butterfly24]

Hello, ImmerAllein,

I feel much as you do, that rather than "I've had a bad few months," I'm at "I've had a bad few decades." I can almost date it to a certain even of domestic violence in my home when I was 16. An alcoholic/narcissistic family of origin currently needling away at turning my children against me; a sociopath now-X husband who nearly upended my mental stability with his gaslighting; who continues to spread untrue blatantly rumors about me behind my back while making a display of all the good things he's doing for me.

Wow, doesn't sound bad in print, does it? I'm skipping all the details and the house that even my daughter is beginning to say is possessed, the things constantly falling apart around me, the ongoing upheaval with my children as a result of my family's interference, looking forward to spending holidays alone, etc.

Like you, I feel I've done everything right. I have worked hard, lived responsibly and uprightly. I have had virtually no vice. I have helped others. And still these things continue, and the one man I really fell in love with after my divorce chose someone who has thumbed her nose at God in every possible way for 20 years--yes, I struggle with the thought that she has someone who has her back and I don't, and it has left me asking myself at times, why do I continue to do right, then?

As a result of these things, I've done a lot of reading. I'm betting you have, too.

Hardships are not a payment for our sins (although sometimes they're a direct consequence--our actions sometimes have bad effects, simply put). If you haven't heard of it, look into the concept of 'victim souls.'

Whether you (or I) are a victim soul or not, I find the concept helpful in understanding and accepting my life. I find the concept of 'offering it up' as a prayer united to Jesus' suffering, as bearing some of Jesus's suffering, to be helpful in dealing with these things that I now understand will never go away.

I remind myself frequently that there are people living with chronic illness, chronic pain, chronic disabilities. The emotional pain of family issues is my chronic pain. I remind myself I am not unique in having long-term suffering, and most of these people haven't done anything terrible, either. Many of them are very good people.

I have been encouraged at times that because of how I've chosen to respond, others have told me they've been better able to deal with their problems--it made me realize that God has other reasons for letting these things happen to us.

[(JD)]

You don't deserve to hate yourself.

No, I disagree. If you think this is hell, you're in for a big shock if you don't find and believe the Creator Who loves you



Change your mind, change your life. You do control things, be positive!