[Psychotic_Phil]

Why else would the benevolent creator have given me schizophrenic illness? He hates me. He enjoys my suffering. He's laughing at me right now. I can feel it... Why has God done this to me? How does someone like me, an innocent deserve so much suffering? Why God? Why?

[Rapunzel]

I don't think it has anything to do with deserving, or punishment, or anyone's entertainment. I believe that there are reasons why we each experience the challenges that we do. We often won't understand why things happen, or why things are the way they are. But one promise God has made is that none of us will be given more than we are able to make it through. So you can at least know that even though your struggles are intense and painful at times, it won't be forever, and you wouldn't have this if you couldn't handle it. Help will be provided when you ask in faith. Nobody ever said you have to get through it alone.

[nothemama8]

I don't believe God gives us our illnesses, if we were without them we would be possibly, uncareing and ridacule those with disorders, IMHO we are here to teach our peers how to live with our illnesses in our communities, we can make a difference

[Maven]

I have more of a Deist belief about it, if a God exists. God started things, set them in motion, and what happens, happens. How we react to it is what gets us into Heaven, if there is one.

Bless you Phil as you call upon God to answer your heartbreaking questions. I think many of us have had those same questions poured into our prayers when we are in a place of sadness and pain.

I've come to accept my suffering as my teacher and the lessons I learn as my gift to others. Like others before me have said without this 'affliction/gift' I definately would not have the empathy I do for other's who suffer. I definately would not be as involved in the helping profession that is now my primary work. I would not be as positive and valuable to my work had I not been given this challenge to teach me. God never gives us more that we can bear. Life will stretch us.... no question. It won't always be easy. In fact if it's hard then for me that is an indicator that I'm doing what I'm suppose to be doing. We can use what we learn through our suffering to make our world a better place.

Hang in there Phil.... you know this sadness will pass and you will feel the peace again. I shall pray for that peace to come quickly to you.

[Etheria]

Phil, I know how you feel. I've wondered the same thing myself but have really come to believe that it has nothing to do with God hating me. All people have their burdens to face and at times, they can seem unbearable. You're more than your mental illness and while it sometimes has us all by the throat, we can be ok again. Hang in there.

Chocolatelover, I try to find the "gift" in my MI as well. I wonder if I would be as empathetic and compassionate of others who suffer if I had not felt such pain myself. While the journey can be very arduous and onerous, I'm grateful for the gift - it has provided the impetus to learn, grow and be mindful......

Blessings to you all on your journey. Etheria

[eskielover]

Reading those words took my mind to the bible.....when Christ was dying on the cross. Those were his words also.....Matthew 27:46 "about the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?" which means "My God, why have you forsaken me?"

I think those words were spoken to let us know that it is natural to have these feelings when we feel that God has let us down & is not taking care of us the way we think he should. Christ knew as the Son of God what he was here on earth for & what his purpose for dying was, but the human part is what we are & that is the feelings we have when we feel that God is not caring for us the way we think he should if it really cared.

There is nothing wrong with those feelings....it is important to know that, but what we don't know as humans is what good can come from what we are going through. I don't believe that God has given us the pain we have....I believe that it is just part of life & things that happen in this world. I believe that God will take care of our pain & suffering in ways that as humans we don't understand until it comes to light in our lives.

This is my personal Christian beliefs.....but just wanted to point out the similarity between what you are saying & what the Bible states that Christ said on the cross as he was dying for our sins.

Take care & try to believe that everything happens for a purpose & for our own good even if we don't know what that good is at the time & it seems that there can't be anything good come from it.

Take care,
Debbie

[recluse1]

Christ's love for us is undying. there is nothing than can seperate us from the love of Christ for he loved us so much he lay down his life even for the sins of his enemies. God's love is everlasting and is without judgement. We all face difficulties in our lives. it is how we deal with those difficulties that determines whether we just get by or press forward in life. God does allow great trials in our lives, but he also provides great comfort if we look to him for it. i pray you strength to face these things and to overcome these hard times.

recluse1

[Sher]

I totaly agree with eskielover . That is exactly where my mind went to as well . I have been asking the same questions Phil ( I chose to leave out the pshychotic because it is not who you ARE it is what you struggle with )
I have suffered in this life at the hands of others and these traumas brought me to a place of total mental instability. I was hospitalized 3 years ago being diagnosed as bipolar with schizoafective disorder .My life and the lives of my family were totaly turned upside down.I too was angry with God , I didnt understand him or believe that he loved me . With time and much therapy and finaly prayer I have come to a place of healing , Physicaly , mentaly and spiritualy.
If you have a bible Phil go to Luke chapter 22 or there about and read about Jesus and how he suffered , was betrayed , how he was humiliated , beaten and mocked .
He was in agony and he prayed and god sent an angel to strengthen him . Reading this has given me hope in my suffering and hopefully it with help you as well .

The most important thing is you are asking questions and God is faithful to answer them . I pray Phil , that God will reveal himself to you just where you are in just the way that you need .
Take care,
Sher