[wickedwings]

i've always had a native spirituality, even when i didn't understand as a little kid. it was wonderful to be connected. the biggest problem is that my depression severed my connection. i just plain can't feel it. i wish i could and need it so bad. i pray all the time. i need my connection back. i have no native ancestry. but, i've always been drawn to the native spirituality. i wish i can feel my connection. i been feeling like i've been stuck in purgatory for too long. it's like having hell here on earth. i would die for healing. i would die to keep others from having to feel like this. but, i keep on living.... it's like i'm wearing blinders all the time. i can't experience pleasures, joy, excitement, or even the magic of spirituality. i'm dead and alive at the same time.

i believe in god. i can't connect through prayers or meditation. it just isn't there.... why?

Hi there.... I've replied to your post in the Native Spirituality thread so I won't repeat myself here.

It sounds like you are very depressed right now. Perhaps a med change could make a difference. Have you talked to any docs or therapists about this? I know when I am depressed I often feel disconnected and even desperate to find my way back to the connection I knew.

What are you doing to cope with the depression right now? I know that prayer and meditation are powerful coping skills but if you aren't feeling the benefits than maybe you need to to look at other ways to stabalize right now. I think it is hard for my spirit to get through to my head when I'm in a depressed state. I know I'm being ministered to by faith but I don't always feel it because the depression has such a strong hold that I've become desperate, detached and even frantic at times.

You will be okay. You will know that connection again because it is Creator's desire for you to know Him, to grow spiritually in his truth, to connect to your spiritual peace and understanding, to live in the comfort of His love.

Keep the faith and seek more help for the depression if that makes sense to you. It will be okay again. It is Creator's desire for us all.

Will keep you in my prayers and look forward to hearing about your re-connection. I know it's just a matter of time. I walk in that faith for you.

[KarenG44]

Wickedwings......I know how you feel.
I'm "there" now.
I wait, and wait....
I recently read a story about Mother Thereasa (sp?) where her journals were made public, and in them, was a cry for feel God.
In my feelings.....those of us who have felt the amazing powers of the Creator also feel a more power of seperateness.
Have you ever done a sweat?
Indians are becoming much more open to the idea of the Rainbow Tribe.....all colours of people and some are willing to share in their Spiritual activites.
Today I'm going to a Pow Wow and the drums will help wake up my Spirit.
Drums are amazing!
Maybe you could get your own drum.......let the vibration take you to Spirit.
For me, I get what I put it....sometimes I have to take the effort to do ceremony in special ways befor I can have or FEEL contact or actually have it.
I do have the faith of a mustard seed and know the Spiritual abundance again will be mine, though there are times of walking through the "dark night of the soul".
Reading Mother Thereasa's story helped me feel not so alone in it....and your story as well.
I will take your plead to the wheel and offer up sage on your behalf today Wickedwings.

.

[wickedwings]

((((karen)))) thank you so much. gosh, i've dreamed of a rainbow tribe for many years.

[(JD)]

I am certain and "in my spare time" working on the idea that "faith" and all that goes with sensing it, are stored in the brain and the area is affected when a traumatic event occurs. I, too, no longer sense God as I had before my injury.

Try a vision quest. Even a CD of drumming and/or flute music can help you do this. Meditate first just to help clear your mind; use a candle flame to focus if you need to. Then lie down, with the drumming, and allow yourself to go...to find...your own quest area in the netherworld. Many things can come to you, including a sense of the Great Spirit, while on a quest.

I wish you well.

Another great way to reconnect is to spend time in nature. To be surrounded by the gifts of Mother Earth. Walking barefoot in the grass, digging in the soil, sitting among a grove of old trees, standing in a stream, listening to the birds and the leaves as the wind blows through them. It might be there that you will feel the powers to guide you to take the vision quest Sky referred to. Bring a drum and sing with the sounds of nature. Make offerings of tabacco and other sacred herbs.

At night go out and meditate on the sky and explore the images of the stars and planets. I think nature is the connector you might be looking for. The miracle of creation can't help but touch the spirit within you that is as anxious as you to be reborn.

All my relations.....