falling apart

Recluse

I suffer from PTSD caused by the Christian church. It causes me to relive my mother's suicide attempts, the bond that was broken, the Civil Rights Movement, the Viet Nam war, the death of my best friend (quite a few, actually), and hate crimes/brutality I've witnessed and experienced - still do to this day.

I'm reminded about how no one ever bothered to listen to my pain or lend me a hand. They just wanted to tell me about Jesus, blamed my problems on not accepting Jesus into my life and following church rules, then turned me away. I had REAL problems that needed action - not philosophical discussion and condemnation. The Bible couldn't teach me how to revive my unconscious mother, protect me out on the streets in the middle of the night, or bring back my POW "brother" tied to a tree in Viet Nam.

I know Christians mean well, but I cringe when I hear people say Jesus loves me or ask if I want to learn about God. It makes me nervous when people act like used car salesmen in order to spread the word (using marketing strategies). It all comes flooding back to me - all the pain, deception, lies and hypocrisy over the years. It has destroyed my trust in friendly strangers, especially those offering "candy" (salvation/shelter).

I try my best to keep a safe distance from Christians now because I'm very sick with familial amyloidosis. I'm falling apart too. I can't afford to keep reliving my nightmares for strangers and being ridiculed. It's hard to fathom why your religion would ask your people to do this to others (missionary/proselytizing) - or forgive each other for crimes against humanity. Why do you call yourselves "warriors?"

If/when I become a homeless "street urchin," I won't be able to turn to the church for help because I refuse to be someone's poster child or puppet. I'd rather starve/freeze to death on the streets. I'd like to die in peace, not being yelled at by angry strangers telling me to go to Hell.

It's nothing personal. You people just scare me, and I don't know how to resolve the issue. I don't hate you. I just don't know you or how to spot good Christians from bad - they all wear the same label.

I hope this hasn't upset you.

((((((((kathy))))))))) i am brought to tears by your words. i am so sorry these horrible things have happened to you. i can see why you would harbor fear and anger after having been thru so much.

it is true what you say, many things, terrible things, have been said and done by terrible people who profess to be doing it in the will of God. so many have been hurt by these people and their actions, i have spoke to many here that have been victims of such things. and i am very sorry that you have been one of them.

please believe me when i say that i am not one of those evil people that damn everyone to hell that isn't in agreement with my beliefs. and i am not one of those people that set out to hurt others.

you don't have to share my religious beliefs for me to be your friend or offer you an ear when you need to talk. it is my hope that we can still offer each other support and friendship.

recluse1

Thank you ((Recluse))

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Recluse}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

You exemplify what a true Christian is.

Lord,

i pray for recluse. i pray that You bless her with strength Jesus to overcome that feeling of depression. that You help her to feel Your spirit within her. to fill her with joy and to help her overcome the stressors that are overwhelming her at this time. I pray Lord that You set her free of the chains that are grabbing hold of her right now. i pray for her happiness. in Jesus's Name, Amen.