[LilyMop]

I really want to meditate but I feel a deep resistance to it. It’s as though on some subconscious level my heart and soul is pushing it away. It’s not simply the lack of focus or a lack of willingness. I truly enjoy meditation, especially guided meditation. I was just now trying to do a guided meditation again and I felt myself putting up a big wall. At one point I started to break down and cry and then the wall went back up. Has anybody experienced this before?

[downandlonely]

I haven't cried, but I've never really been able to meditate. I find it hard to clear my mind.

[Mopey]

Lilymop, my guess would be that the "wall" is holding back a whole bunch of pain, and that's why you start to cry when you approach it. The spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle calls it "the pain body".

I've had a similar wall show up during attempts at meditation, and I experience it as made of fear. On the few occasions when I've been able to hang in there with it, the fear ultimately dissolves into calm, more or less.

Best Holiday wishes to you.

[CANDC]

Originally Posted by LilyMop

I really want to meditate but I feel a deep resistance to it. It’s as though on some subconscious level my heart and soul is pushing it away. It’s not simply the lack of focus or a lack of willingness. I truly enjoy meditation, especially guided meditation. I was just now trying to do a guided meditation again and I felt myself putting up a big wall. At one point I started to break down and cry and then the wall went back up. Has anybody experienced this before?

One thing I found that helps is to make the periods of mindfulness or attentiveness very short 30-60 seconds.

I start out taking a deep breath and then let it out and let go of tension. Then I feel what the senses of touch, hearing and smell present to me. Then I go back to the task at hand.

Whenever I meet resistance, I do not confront it but refocus on the senses. It is not a short term process, but lots of little periods during the day can be better than going up against the wall of resistance.
@CANDC

[LilyMop]

Originally Posted by Mopey

Lilymop, my guess would be that the "wall" is holding back a whole bunch of pain, and that's why you start to cry when you approach it. The spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle calls it "the pain body".


I've had a similar wall show up during attempts at meditation, and I experience it as made of fear. On the few occasions when I've been able to hang in there with it, the fear ultimately dissolves into calm, more or less.


Best Holiday wishes to you.

Thank you for explaining that. So it’s a thing that does happen and it’s because I haven’t been able to face my pain. I’m glad to know if I hang in there I can find some peace. I will keep working at it. Thank you.

[LilyMop]

Originally Posted by CANDC

One thing I found that helps is to make the periods of mindfulness or attentiveness very short 30-60 seconds.


I start out taking a deep breath and then let it out and let go of tension. Then I feel what the senses of touch, hearing and smell present to me. Then I go back to the task at hand.


Whenever I meet resistance, I do not confront it but refocus on the senses. It is not a short term process, but lots of little periods during the day can be better than going up against the wall of resistance.
@CANDC

That’s a good suggestion. I wondered why I was having a hard time. It’s like pushing yourself to lift heavy weights at the gym when you’re only ready for the light weights. Thank you for explaining that.

Here's an article about how meditation is a tool to help people face their pain

How Meditating Helps You with Difficult Emotions - Mindful

Deep within the anger, we may be storing feelings of inadequacy that cause us to see threats and injustices where no real threats exist. It helps to uncover and uproot these feelings and deeply held false views. At the same time, anger can have beneath it a wise and powerful protectiveness, like the hovering presence of a mama bear or a wise judge enforcing justice in the face of racism and other ills and evils.

But it’s usually very hard to defend what is right or necessary without throwing a little resentment into the mix. We can utter a clear “no” when a child throws some food in a sibling’s face, but maybe (under our breath) we throw in, “You little brat.” Refining our emotions can involve shaving things pretty fine. The old R&B tune got it right: “It’s a thin line between love and hate.”

Rich, complex, and powerful, anger benefits from contemplative time and investigation. There’s lots to learn about what’s going on beneath our outbursts.

[LilyMop]

Originally Posted by StreetcarBlanche

Here's an article about how meditation is a tool to help people face their pain


How Meditating Helps You with Difficult Emotions - Mindful

This is an excellent article! Thank you for sharing it. It says that meditation isn’t meant to help you get rid of emotions but rather to give yourself space to see the emotions and see what is happening in your mind and your body. Hurt and anger are there for a reason right? Thank you.

[CANDC]

LilyMop, in my limited knowledge of mindfulness, I see it as a tool or practice to help us refocus our attention so we do not get hijacked by thoughts and emotions, but maintain a continued awareness of what is happening right now, which for me usually means being aware of the breath going in and out and being aware of the information the senses (hearing, smell, taste and touch) are sending to me.

[InsomniaViaHaldol]

Originally Posted by Mopey

the "wall" is holding back a whole bunch of pain, and that's why you start to cry when you approach it.

I know I have a wall around the death of my mother at age 4 and then the death of my father 11 years ago. I am going to West Point at the end of this month to visit their grave. I have a letter to read a song to play. I also am leaving a "worry stone" my father gave me on the grave as a symbol that my pain is gone.

I am going to breakdown really hard and I need to be alone for a bit. I have never really mourned them and this is when I really need to because I am super emotional about everything.

My wife says she never cried before she fell in love with me and I actually hadn't either, but now it is just out of control and need to release it.

Maybe I wasn't emotional before because I did not think I was allowed to be.