[Razzleberry]

I know we can't discuss religion in here, I was hoping to take this to PM's. Just curious if there are any former Mormons in here, especially if you grew up in Utah. There are some things that others just don't understand about my past.

Thanks.

[Razzleberry]

I guess this could also include any Utah residents who are not members and who may....uhm...."identify" with some of my issues?

Maybe it was just my parents or my neighborhood, but I just always felt a lot of pressure to be the perfect little wife and mother. You know, marry young, punch out a dozen kids, stay home / don't work, and be happy thru all of it. Oh and don't forget bringing casseroles and jello to all the church functions. I just never lived up to any of the expectations placed on me, and it still bothers me now...even though I really don't believe in the church anymore. It's hard to explain.

I don't mean to offend anyone...I know it's not like this everywhere. Just how I was raised.

[Rapunzel]

That stuff is the culture, not the church. I fell into those expectations too, and realizing that all that stuff isn't me, and isn't something I can do has been a big part of the changes I started making in my life five years ago. There are some people who don't understand, but for the most part I'm accepted for who I am. Feel free to PM me if you would like to talk.

Rap

[recluse1]

(((((((Razzleberry)))))))) Not a part of the church; just wanted to let you know I understand where you are coming from and offer my support.

Try not to feel guilty for falling short of others expectations. We often spend alot of precious time trying to live upto the bar others have set. And it seems most of the time we fall short. It is what we expect of ourselves that truly matters. We know ourselves better than another could. We know our capabilities and the intentions of our heart. This is what truly matters, IMO.

[Razzleberry]

I think I also still feel a lot of guilt, and "I'm not worthy" kind of feelings.

Partially because I have done bad things - yes, I have sinned, no, I'm not worthy. And I'm not just talking about the coffee and wine...

But then, I don't know...I think part of it is also just feeling like nothing I do is ever good enough. It's like no matter how well I did in school, my mom would still criticize any little detail she could find that I did wrong. Or even if I did something good, there was always an older sibling who did it better.

I just feel like my whole life is just one big huge disappointment to everyone. Nothing I do is ever going to be good enough.

[Rapunzel]

I'm sorry that your mom was like that. None of us are perfect, and we all have our own talents and areas where we shine. Maybe your areas aren't the same as your mom's or your siblings'. That's okay. I promise to accept you as you are. You know, accepting yourself where you are is the first step toward changing anything that you might want to change. That's an important concept in DBT. We could make religious connections with that too, if that were allowed. Church isn't for people who are perfect. They wouldn't still be here if they were perfect. God loves all of His children.

DocJohn, I'm sorry, I have to say it. This is what we are here for. To help people make sense of things. I need to offer what I have, and readers may accept it or not.

Remember the parables about the lost lamb and the ten pieces of silver? The missing one was valued enough to leave the others and go in search to find the one that was missing. You are worth as much as a missing lamb or piece of silver. You are good enough, Razzleberry.

[recluse1]

(((((((Razzleberry)))))))

Sweetheart, we all have sinned and none of us is truly worthy of the promise. Yet while we were sinners, we were loved. Loved enough to be forgiven of all sins of the flesh and our souls given a promise of life eternal. You are loved with a pure and perfect love, no matter your short comings, no matter your faults. You are loved and your life matters.

We all fall short, but we are still loved. Every cry is heard, and every tear counted. We are forever upon His heart. May you find some peace within yours.

recluse1