[Pepto]

I've been through this depression crap twice before. Been a while since it got to the point where I lost myself though. I've spent 10+ years very very active with a spiritual group that taught me to pray and what it was to be safe. I learned that work is worship and that prayers are answered.

And yet here I am, in the pit again. Wasted more than 10 years on a path that just went in a circle. All that work, all that effort, all those sacrifices right down the toilet. I worked with people and I shared my experiences in an effort to give them meaning and to use them to help someone else. Then all that ******** I'd been through over the years wouldnt be lost. I was told I had helped, that I was offering something that would do good. I helped when I offered, when I didnt offer, when I was asked and I helped unasked. I did everything I could to be there for the people, without opinion, without expectation and I thought I was doing it with other people who felt the same way.

Turned out I was wrong. I've asked for help and yet I sit here alone. I cant even pray anymore. I miss it. I miss feeling safe and a part of something bigger than myself. I miss getting lost in something that had nothing to do with me and was more than me and made the world a better place.

What a waste. I think it was easier before I was lied to

[SeptemberMorn]

You weren't lied to by those people, Pepto. You are, however, being lied to by Depression. It really twists our perception of things.

Depression can come and go throughout our life. There is no "cure" for it. I hope you can find some motivation to pray and find that safe place again. Try not to think about no one being there for you right now. If you can, focus on helping others. It's the best way to get out of yourself. Before you know it, you'll start feeling better.

[Pepto]

Originally Posted by SeptemberMorn

You weren't lied to by those people, Pepto. You are, however, being lied to by Depression. It really twists our perception of things.

Depression can come and go throughout our life. There is no "cure" for it. I hope you can find some motivation to pray and find that safe place again. Try not to think about no one being there for you right now. If you can, focus on helping others. It's the best way to get out of yourself. Before you know it, you'll start feeling better.

My hub says I'm in a really ugly place if I'm reacting like this. I've really only got motivation to pray, I have to keep stopping myself because its so ingrained. Oh well, I guess it will work its self out someday. I'll just have to wait it out and find someplace safe to go.

thank you for your kind words. I'd always hoped that if I worked hard enough it wouldnt come back. Maybe not a cure but at least not as bad. At least I'm not seeing things as much as I did. Maybe if I leave things be then they will leave me be.

[(JD)]

Thought stopping is a good skill. Turn your face to God and praise Him and use all the wonderful names and things about Him, to Him. Even though it may feel like you are only going through the motions, it will help.

[Pepto]

Originally Posted by SeptemberMorn

You weren't lied to by those people, Pepto. You are, however, being lied to by Depression. It really twists our perception of things.

Depression can come and go throughout our life. There is no "cure" for it. I hope you can find some motivation to pray and find that safe place again. Try not to think about no one being there for you right now. If you can, focus on helping others. It's the best way to get out of yourself. Before you know it, you'll start feeling better.

Thank you. Last night there was a gathering of those very same people and all through the night I kept hearing you say to focus on others as a good way to get out of yourself. It helped tremendously. It was timid, but I prayed for some people who really needed help. And today I woke up and I was thinking maybe its time for me to start working on me. To stop hating myself. Its not the fault of the spirits that this happened again, they arent there to take care of me like that. How selfish to have been so angry, how childlike. I have a place to start fighting back now. Thank you

pepto

[Pepto]

Originally Posted by _Sky

Thought stopping is a good skill. Turn your face to God and praise Him and use all the wonderful names and things about Him, to Him. Even though it may feel like you are only going through the motions, it will help.

It is true. Even just going through the motions when there's nothing really behind them helps. It reminded me of the time when there was something behind the motions and I stopped and thought about what I was doing from both a place of fear and a place of knowing. I'm still afraid but I'm glad that I didnt stop all the way. That my heart was strong enough to keep a fingerhold. The door didnt close, the door didnt change. I did.

[SeptemberMorn]

Thank you. Last night there was a gathering of those very same people and all through the night I kept hearing you say to focus on others as a good way to get out of yourself. It helped tremendously. It was timid, but I prayed for some people who really needed help. And today I woke up and I was thinking maybe its time for me to start working on me. To stop hating myself. Its not the fault of the spirits that this happened again, they arent there to take care of me like that. How selfish to have been so angry, how childlike. I have a place to start fighting back now. Thank you

pepto

I'm so glad that what I said helped you.

It's not unusual to get wrapped up in ourselves. I know because I have depression, too. Sometimes I need someone to remind me of the very same thing.

Don't beat yourself up. Just put it down as more experience. One of these days, your experiences will turn into wisdom.