This is something I have been trying to focus on lately.

Is it something you all find you can do, or is it impossible for you to find that compassion?

This might be triggery, its not meant to be - i mean everything from the guy who cut you off to someone who caused you harm.

Do you think it requires forgiveness?

[MyBestKids2]

I have found that with age I have been able to forgive more quickly. How long it may take me to forgive (geniunely in my heart) is contingent on the circumstances and person (s) involved. There are no grudges in my heart.

Great thread BTW

((Rainbowzz))

For me, its about getting in touch with that sense of connection to everything - and reminding myself that every action has a cause.

For example I always try to remind myself to think "What led that person to do that action?"

For example, the guy who cuts you off. You become angry and upset because of your fear. I try to remember that that person may have had a very bad day, be driving to the hospital, late picking up a child ect.

I guess for me its about assuming the basic good in everyone.

Now it becomes much much harder to do when i try to apply it to "him" who abused me as a child. Most people I can envision spirit or energy in them but for him there is just too much hurt going on. But, I am applying that attempt at compassion wherever I can, which is a start I think.

great thread/.......
years ago and this is just me.....
I forgave my abuser......
that was the only way i could have peace......
but that is just me......
it was something spirit gave me
and such a blessing it was............
it was the only way i could survive....
its something i do not talk much about...
but is worked out in my heart...
hope this is not out of line
or upsetting to any one.
muffy
the lamb

[bebop]

I think in anything in life there has to be forgiveness to move forward and to heal. forgiving is one thing..can we forget? no! but we can choose to forgive and to me that gives us the edge.

[pachyderm]

I hope this is not considered too "political." This morning on a program called The Story, produced at North Carolina Public Radio - WUNC, I heard about this organization for the first time -- the Nonviolent Peace Force (!). The story was about dealing with the Tamil Tigers to save some children whom they had kidnapped in order to make child soldiers out of them. I think you may be surprised at the methods of this organization:

"Nonviolent Peaceforce (NP) is a nonpartisan unarmed peacekeeping force composed of trained civilians from around the world."

Nonviolent Peace Force

And to answer a question, I don't think trying to forgive is all that relevant. Maybe it just comes with comprehension.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
bebop said:
I think in anything in life there has to be forgiveness to move forward and to heal. forgiving is one thing..can we forget? no! but we can choose to forgive and to me that gives us the edge.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I so agree ((bebop)))
Its still in my memorys
but forgiven I have........
In order to move forward and heal ..............your right
that was the only way i could move on was to forgive...

[recluse1]

((((((Rainbowzz))))))) This is a wonderful thread. I just wanted to say that I commend you in your effort to seeking compassion towards others, even those that are seemingly undeserving. Many times forgiveness comes quickly. Others...we find can be quite a difficult thing to do.

But, like Muffy and Bebop have said, sometimes it is necessary to forgive in order to heal and move forward. In searching our hearts to find the strength for forgiveness of those that have hurt us so deeply, we find out so much about ourselves.

pachyderm
i took this out of your link.
I liked it ty

" are armed with what Gandhi made bold to call "the greatest force mankind has been endowed with" – nonviolence.

sorry if it did not follow the thread ....but sorta does
nonviolence/forgiving/peace with in
muffy

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
pachyderm said:
I hope this is not considered too "political." This morning on a program called The Story, produced at North Carolina Public Radio - WUNC, I heard about this organization for the first time -- the Nonviolent Peace Force (!). The story was about dealing with the Tamil Tigers to save some children whom they had kidnapped in order to make child soldiers out of them. I think you may be surprised at the methods of this organization:

"Nonviolent Peaceforce (NP) is a nonpartisan unarmed peacekeeping force composed of trained civilians from around the world."

Nonviolent Peace Force

And to answer a question, I don't think trying to forgive is all that relevant. Maybe it just comes with comprehension.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Wonderful!

And thats sort of my line of thinking too - I don't have to forgive or excuse someone to understand why they may have chosen the path or action that they did. Though I do think it is an amazing thing to be able to forgive, I don't think its entirely necessary for compassion to shine through.

[Danialla]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Rainbowzz said:
And thats sort of my line of thinking too - I don't have to forgive or excuse someone to understand why they may have chosen the path or action that they did. Though I do think it is an amazing thing to be able to forgive, I don't think its entirely necessary for compassion to shine through.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I very much agree with this! I do try to think about what could be causing a person to do what they are doing. But sometimes even have that understanding it is not enough to let me forgive them, although I do have compassion for them. Sounds crazy right??

Having had to drive to the hospital quickly so that I could see my daughter before they life flighted her to another hospital, I now imagine all tailgaters as having to do the same thing. It allows me to replace my quick annoyance and anger with understanding, even if it is not true.

Sometimes I can think and maybe even understand a reason for why a person did what they did.......But totally forgiving them is a lot harder.

I do try to move on though, even if that abusive person is a family member or someone I see everyday, I try to still include them as much as possible.

Maybe that is my way of forgiving, although to be honest, it doesn't feel like that.

[Leese1971]

Forgiving those who have hurt me is hard. I know that it feels so much better to try to forget it all happened, and that makes me think that forgiveness would actually be even more therapuetic. And after all the years of suffering I've gone through because someone ELSE decided his ill will was more important than my rights, why should I continue to be the one suffering? I doubt any of those who have hurt me are suffering over it.

The question is how? How do I even begin to forgive? Sometimes its too scary to even remember...

I think many people confuse forgetting and forgiving. I know I often have confused them. It would be impossible to just voluntarily forget a bad experience. Forgiveness take more understanding though. I had to learn teh difference. As long as I kept remembering, I kept feeling the hurt and forgiveness was out of teh question then (in that emotional state).

Since learning more about the person who hurt me, and understanding more why he does what he does, I could then forgive him. I don't forget it, but I don't feel the anger anymore and that has helped me. Forgiveness is as much for my health as it was for his.

[recluse1]

Very good point Ingridave! Forgiving and forgetting ARE two different things. We often hear, "to forgive is to forget". Maybe there are those that are spiritually strong enough to do that? But that hasn't been my personal experience. Though forgetting would be a wonderful thing sometimes.

One thing that I have found to be true is this; true freedom comes from forgiveness. By forgiving and letting go of the anger or harbored resentment, we take back the power our abusers have had over us. Many times we don't realize that we are allowing them, often many years later, to still have power and control in our lives.

Forgiving doesn't mean that we are saying, "What you did was ok, I'm over what has happened." Many times it is just the realization that to move forward we have to cut the tie that binds. We come to the decision to release ourselves of that anger in order to make room for happiness.

Quite literally it is, "Letting go and letting God!" We let go and give it over to Him. We can rest in the assurance that we have done what God would have us do and through Him, there will be justice.

[SeptemberMorn]

You've got it right, Re. I asked a minister once how I could forgive the grandmother of two of my oldest kids for telling them falsely that I had abused my daughter by sticking a needle in her tongue whenever she stuck it out. Yeah right!

What he told me was that I could let go of the anger and resentment towards the woman, but it didn't mean that I had to forget. If I forgot, then I could easily allow my kids to be put in harms way again. In this case, I needed to remember what the woman had tried to do to my kids so she couldn't do it again. They could continue to spend time with her if they wanted to, but not be alone with her. The same goes for those who abuse us in any way. We can choose to move away from them so it doesn't happen again.

Letting go of the anger, fear or resentment frees one up for better things, like happiness and peace in your heart, mind and spirit.

If there is any compassion in forgiving, it's compassion for oneself, I think. My perpetrator was my own grandmother. Even trying to understand why she did what she did to me doesn't make it any easier to find compassion for her. But I won't allow anymore what she did to me and the memories of it control my life anymore. She did and her abuse did long enough, thank you very much! Enough is enough; no more.

[recluse1]

(((((((((SeptemberMorn))))))))))

[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Recluse}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Thanks, sweet girl!