[Terabithia]

I posted on this in the general Q and A forum, but I was wondering specifically if anyone else with this diagnosis suffered from these intrusive thoughts.

[kaliope]

I answered your other post........

[Terabithia]

thank you, kaliope, especially for the hearts and bouncing dude!

I experience it more as a fear of causing pain and/or a fear of rejection. I guess in fearing rejection, I must be fearing judgment first of all. But hurting someone, most of all, and rejection are the only consequences I fear. I feel very disturbed from these thoughts.

[Terabithia]

I'm wishing more people had responded to this post. It's making me feel like a bit of a freak! Does no one else obsess, uncontrollably and intensely, on things that put your mind off kilter with guilt and misunderstanding/confusion? Things that aren't so much psychotic as maybe intensely irrational, putting too much importance maybe on my affect on people. Maybe I'm just finding it hard to put into words, or maybe I am just alone in this disturbing symptom, which may not sound all that disturbing, but it is.

[Maranara]

Yes, I have. It starts as a look from my husband and then I think of a time a few years ago when he made me feel guilty over something I had no control over, and then I'll go to sleep and wake up and feel trapped, that I'm guilty and I need to run and escape and there is no where to go. It is horrible.

[worthit]

Yes, I have guilt from many years ago from things that I did that were stupid. They come over me and I just feel so guilty and terrible about myself and it makes me have a lot of self hate. I obsess about things constantly I'm afraid constantly. I have a lot of fears and phobias also, too many to count.

[Atypical_Disaster]

I don't, but I know a lot of people do have delusions with this kind of content. You're definitely not the only one.

[Terabithia]

Thank you, everyone - it's always good to know that you're not the only one

[thickntired]

Originally Posted by Terabithia

thank you, kaliope, especially for the hearts and bouncing dude!

I experience it more as a fear of causing pain and/or a fear of rejection. I guess in fearing rejection, I must be fearing judgment first of all. But hurting someone, most of all, and rejection are the only consequences I fear. I feel very disturbed from these thoughts.

I grew up with survivor's guilt from a siblings death (though it was an act of God). So, yes I absolutely know what you're feeling. I did the opposite and put up brick walls for many years to avoid any attachments or commitment. Letting people in meant I would be responsible for too much. I was also a door mat. So called "friends" knew they could steal, cheat, cuss me out whatever. That's the downside to putting everyone ahead of me.

[Terabithia]

Originally Posted by worthit

Yes, I have guilt from many years ago from things that I did that were stupid. They come over me and I just feel so guilty and terrible about myself and it makes me have a lot of self hate. I obsess about things constantly I'm afraid constantly. I have a lot of fears and phobias also, too many to count.

So, do you think we have a little OCD, or do you think it's all connected to our primary diagnosis?

[worthit]

Good question. I do counting and repetitive things and have "OCD traits" but not enough to get in the way of daily living so I'm not diagnosed with it.

[Terabithia]

I often wonder if my ruminating over things I've done wrong is OCD. I do the counting and repetitive thing too. I sometimes get in a rut of typing/ tapping inconspicuously certain words - last, from, stand, keep, just. Sometimes, it will extend to typing names of streets and everything else. It would be so strange if I were to meet someone else in the world with this odd compulsion.

If you've suffered from any OCD in your life, a really good movie is Phoebe in Wonderland. It's a really good movie, period, for people who have felt alone or different from others around them.

[worthit]

I repeat the last word on a sentence (in my mind) until it's just right

[Terabithia]

that's interesting. When I go to decorate a new place, I have to arrange things until they are "just right" in my mind. Every little increment of space counts. Fortunately after a little while, I loosen up, and things can be rearranged or put back wrong and I'll be fine with it. When I do the typing I have to do it in an order that feels right and I can't stop it until it feels right. I'm pretty sure that's OCD, but I don't know why my doctor hasn't given me that diagnosis.

[worthit]

I think it depends on if it gets in the way of your everyday living. And it doesn't get in my way its just something that I do

[NanuConfused]

I will feel delusions that I did something that would be a cause for my friends to hate me...it's a horrible feeling and it leads to me not trusting anyone's feelings.

[SmileHere]

I've had troubles with guilt and OCD-ish type of thinking too. Not diagnosed with schizoaffective but psychosis/schizophrenia.Though at times I thought shizoaffective would be more of a diagnosis since I've had some mood swings and felt a bit bipolar-ish before the psychosis too.

I read that many people with schizophrenia have OCD too ? Both OCD and schizophrenia have been linked to myeling sheath health (?) There's nutrition that's supposed to help myelin sheath health too, fish oil/omega3 is one of the things recommended...

[worthit]

I have sza and also OCD traits. Not enough to get in the way of my life and to get a diagnosis, though.

I suffer from vision thoughts .. example :
I see a mask man coming into my house and killing my family .
Or
I see myself hitting someone by just looking at them not upset or anything just out of the blue the vision just pops up .

Originally Posted by Terabithia

I'm wishing more people had responded to this post. It's making me feel like a bit of a freak! Does no one else obsess, uncontrollably and intensely, on things that put your mind off kilter with guilt and misunderstanding/confusion? Things that aren't so much psychotic as maybe intensely irrational, putting too much importance maybe on my affect on people. Maybe I'm just finding it hard to put into words, or maybe I am just alone in this disturbing symptom, which may not sound all that disturbing, but it is.

i have this problem, but i don't know how to respond to this. but, i can say that you are not a freak. i find myself saying i don't care what people think, but then i get pissed off if i am rejected. i am needy too. i don't know. but you are definitely not a freak. i have all kinds of problems with guilt. i don't know how to respond though, i just wanted to assure you that you are not a freak. =]

Oh yes very much so especially when I feel depressed. I have to fight those thoughts off very hard. I used to be worse which contributed to my suicide attempt. I just believed that my loved ones were so much better off without me. One time when psychosis was very bad (when I had my mental breakdown) I was really fixated on being terrible for my ex boyfriend. Then I was convinced that I had given him a disease because I saw the "signs" everywhere.