[jaynedough]

Does anyone else have this problem?

It seems like I alienate everyone. I don't like to socialize because of this, as well as the fact that socializing makes my symptoms worse. The worst part is that I don't usually know what I've said or done to piss people off. It's been over a year since I went to my neighbors' party. I told them many times over the years why I don't socialize, and they kept telling me it'd be fine. So I went to three parties. It was the third one that did it.

They don't talk to me anymore. Their extended family members act like I'm invisible if I wave or say Hi. This family told me to think of them as family. Since the deaths of my parents, they were the ones I counted on being able to call in an emergency, which I rarely did. It makes me feel horrible knowing that I did something to cause this alienation. I feel so alone now.

Possible trigger:

I don't want to live like this.

Added to this is the fact that I didn't get invited to my own family's graduations. That when I send money, I get no reply. My siblings say they'll call and I wait for the call, but it never comes.

Possible trigger:

I'm so ****ing tired of this ****. I'm tired of trying. I just don't want to live anymore. That's not a suicide statement. It's just how I feel.

I've been crying so much about this. I hate this.

And I still don't know what I said to piss these people off. My neighbors are very nice, laid back people, so it must've been bad. I feel so horribly guilty. And worthless. And alone.

[Angelique67]

Yes, I've experienced this in some ways too. Mainly these days with siblings. In the past, when I was much more functional, it happened all my life with friends. I think the only thing I really did was not live up to their expectations. I'm not sure. But I agree about how painful it is.

I wish you much better luck, and you are in my prayers.

[Skeezyks]

Hello jaynedough: The Skeezyks is almost completely solitary. I never seem to get along with anyone. As I have written many times, here on PC, no good has ever resulted from me having anything to do with anyone. And then, in addition, I know that no one who really knew me would want to have anything to do with me. (I don't even want to have anything to do with me... but of course I don't have a choice...)

Anyway, I hope you are able to find a way to reconnect with your neighbors...

I am isolated from "the rest," although it doesn't bother me. I enjoy being a "lone wolf."

I hope you can find a way to make your situation better.

[Tsunamisurfer]

Jaynedough, my heart aches for you. Your alienation must be more terrible than anyone can understand.
Hold on tight and know you are worth way more than people are recognizing in you.

[Angelique67]

Also, I think if your neighbors knew how bad you feel, they'd forgive you completely in seconds. No one could want you to feel this way.

[Marylin]

Jaynedough,I just want to say don't despair or feel bad...some people can be so duplicitous,saying they understand and reeling us in then showing us they are going to judge us anyway and reject us for the very reasons we knew they would all along.I guess we feel duped that we go against our better judgement and trust them in the first place.

It is awful what happened with your neighbors persuading you to go to their parties and it all going wrong and them rejecting you.Please don't blame yourself..whatever the reasons for things going wrong they can be rectified.You can learn social skills,the art of conversation and develop the instincts you needs to know what behaviors to do and not do that alienate others...it isn't rocket science I promise!It does sound though like you did very little wrong cos as you say you don't to this day know what happened or what you did to upset them.
I myself have difficult meeting new people and making friends,it bothers me but I have social anxiety...I get lonely but I would never reject myself cos someone has found me unacceptable to their standards.I am used to being the lone wolf too...sometimes I prefer it that way other times I am desperate.
I think we take on too much of the blame when relationships go wrong and other people let us down I've found it much easier to let go of family and friends etc who don't pay me the time ,attention and respect I deserve,I let them get on with their lives and turn my attention to other things and people that benefits me.I don't like to be dependent on anyone for anything,including their company since I was abused and used by my sister for years!
Jaynedough,please don't feel bad, you aren't to blame and I am sure things will get better for you if not with these people you say you were so close to with another set of people!Marylinx

[neodoering]

Originally Posted by jaynedough

Does anyone else have this problem?

It seems like I alienate everyone. I don't like to socialize because of this, as well as the fact that socializing makes my symptoms worse. The worst part is that I don't usually know what I've said or done to piss people off. It's been over a year since I went to my neighbors' party. I told them many times over the years why I don't socialize, and they kept telling me it'd be fine. So I went to three parties. It was the third one that did it.

They don't talk to me anymore. Their extended family members act like I'm invisible if I wave or say Hi. This family told me to think of them as family. Since the deaths of my parents, they were the ones I counted on being able to call in an emergency, which I rarely did. It makes me feel horrible knowing that I did something to cause this alienation. I feel so alone now.

Possible trigger:

I don't want to live like this.

Added to this is the fact that I didn't get invited to my own family's graduations. That when I send money, I get no reply. My siblings say they'll call and I wait for the call, but it never comes.

Possible trigger:

I'm so ****ing tired of this ****. I'm tired of trying. I just don't want to live anymore. That's not a suicide statement. It's just how I feel.

I've been crying so much about this. I hate this.

And I still don't know what I said to piss these people off. My neighbors are very nice, laid back people, so it must've been bad. I feel so horribly guilty. And worthless. And alone.

My illness alienates me from myself. I often have the sensation that I am outside myself and am watching everyone around me as they pretend to be real people but are actually actors whose role is to aggravate and torment me into continuing mental illness. It's like The Truman Show, where I am the only real person on earth, and everyone else is just faking it. Except that I'm alienated from myself also. For example, my father recently died, and I knew that he wasn't really dead but was whooping it up with Asian porn stars while my mother pretended he was dead. This was done to bring me pain and to keep me mentally ill. I was alienated from my own experience of my father's death. That's the illness doing that. That's how I experience alienation.

As for friends, they try to ignore my illness and talk about other things. It took years before I would talk about it with anyone except immediate family. Now I talk about it frequently, and my friends pretend I didn't say anything. They just don't want to know, or if they listen to me, they minimize the symptoms. Other friends have abandoned me entirely once they realized I was not trying to be funny about my illness. Real mental illness = really out of here.

[Victoria'smom]

I'm a master at shutting down conversations. I don't know why people try. Luckily my husband is more engaging so I come along for the ride. I wish I new how to interact with people.