Excessive Paranoia

Sorry if it's in the wrong place, I don't know where else it goes. It didn't seem appropriate for general. Sorry.

I could never consider myself especially sane, but lately things have been getting really out of hand. I HAVE to keep a light on at night or a burglar/monster/whatever will get me in my sleep. The only job I'm stable enough to keep is one that goes once a week for two hours at my aunt's salon, where I clean. Three months ago I could get through it and clean and be done with it, but now at any little sound someone has broken in and is going to kill me. When I'm vacuuming the rugs, I'm going to get stabbed while my back's turned. It took me over 20 minutes to vacuum four teeny little rugs cos I had to go keep looking around to make sure no one broke in. I'm not forgetting the aliens that were coming to get me when I heard someone's car. Our house is old and is making odd sounds, like always, but now it's ghosts and monsters and zombies and whatever else, and lets not forget the axe murderers either.

Yes, I'm aware I sound like a nutcase.

I know that it has to be real, cos why wouldn't it be if the fear wasn't so vivid. Like my fear of spiders, literally. I'm terrified of the creepy crawlies. Then again, it has to be me being paranoid and off cos it doesn't sound logical and many have gone through the same. But then again it must be different with me because the fear is so paralyzing, surely I'm not crazy?

I've always been paranoid of that kind of stuff, just not like this. Not in a way that's this disruptive.

I have no clue. Is there anything that doesn't involve therapy I can do to try to fix it? I'm not ready to go back to therapy after the last time, and the school group therapy groups have my friends in them so I can't talk there and feel safe. If in three months I can go this far off, I'm worried. Nothing like being overly stressed has triggered it.

If any of that makes any sense, which it probably doesn't.

If you're crazy and you know it clap your hands...

clap, clap!!

gosh, mort, you're drug free, right??? what is your DX? i don't think we've discussed that.......do you see a medical doctor or a psychiatrist?? i'm so sorry that i didn't know this was going on with you.......i want to talk to you tonight...has to be before 9...work tomorrow....xoxox pat

I'd see about getting some meds myself. I mean, you could give yourself self-therapy. Like tell yourself you're being stupid and there's ntohing to worry about - or maybe thinking, "so what if there's aliens here to get me - I'll **** them up!" or you could always consider the mathematical possibility of aliens coming to get you - or burgulars breaking in...if you can understand that, the chance is so slim it's no good paying attention to it. i know all this seems worthless, but overtime things like this do get you better.

whenever i cleaned my teeth i would always think there was someone sneaking up on me, or washing my face etc etc. It just kinda passed

i am clapping my hands
It must be the weather i have seen my CPN this week cause my thoughts are getting stronger and more stranger but keep taking deep slow breaths thats what helps me get through the day
Take care
Lorraine

Aww. Thanks for not saying mean things about it guys. :3 *free hugs for everyone* I appreciate it. And I'm fine, it's just starting to get kinda disruptive.

No, I don't see anyone. I'm nearly 18, my parents have given up on trying to get me to a doctor again. I'm kind of thinking about it, but I want my medical records sealed. I was automatically BPD cos I SI'ed, and I don't fit to BPD at all. Some shrinks are wierd about that and I don't want to deal with another T like the last one pulling the shi-ite she did.

No doc no meds, and yes I'm drug free, I just act high and off naturally. >_> Err, yea.

>"so what if there's aliens here to get me - I'll **** them up!"
Hahaha. I really need to remember that one. I don't know if it will make it all go away, but it amuses me. :3

Maybe it's getting caused by me not eating so well the past two or so months? Like, not eating a lot period? o_o; I don't know. I'd like to know what's causing it, I don't want to get worse. Or does it just progress on its own, and not need a reason? It's not real then I guess, but it doesn't make it easier.

You don't read scary books or watch scary movies, perchance?

I went through a several-year phase of something very similar when I was in my teens. It seemed to coincide with the fact that I devoured Stephen King novels. Doh! I still get wiggy if it's late at night and I'm in the house alone and tired, but for the most part, I think I just outgrew it. Moving into an apartment with only one door and no enter-able windows after college helped a lot, too. However, what freaks me out the most is the idea of supernatural stuff -- aliens, monsters, skeletons, etc -- that could get me and ? do something. I never even get so far in my thinking about what they'd do. It's bad enough that they'd 'get' me.

Hey Mort - you were in my dream the other night. I don't remember why -- we were having lunch together or something.

o_o I was in your dream? For real? XD Haha, funny! I was nice, right? Last time I was in someone's dream they said I was being mean in it. o_o;

I don't really watch scary things and stuff, it kind of bores me. And it doesn't bother me into the night, just for a little while after.

I think the last ''scary'' movie I watched was Jeepers Creepers or whatever it was. I could see the lines of his contacts and I left after a while cos I was bored. Then again on purpose I don't watch the uber scary ones cos it will fuel the zombies coming out of my wall type thing. o_o

I dunno. It's probably just a phase I guess, I don't really want to think of it being bad forever or like the link fury gave. And when I get my own apartment I'm boarding up the freaking windows and closet, you can be sure. XD

Thanks you guys. :3 I'll be fine, the probability of alien abduction is pretty low, and I'll keep the nightlight on.

lol - you were totally nice! We were at an outdoor cafe having lunch. It's weird, because you and I haven't talked all that much, and it was definitely you in the dream, although you looked entirely different from your avatar thingy!

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