Are they real?

It's just hard to get out when they are always there. My psychologist can maybe help me though. I just need ways to cope.

I think people at the college talk about me when I'm walking past, so I know how that feels.

I know it's not easy. I think you're just an amazing person to get out there in spite of the fear.

Thanks, my nurse said I was doing well, but I dont tell her everything, she doesn't know what I think of a lot.
But I will have my proof soon

Hey Kureha, I know that thing where people reckon you're doing okay, but really you're hiding a lot. Actually, I think it's a good thing that you hide it, because it shows that you know the difference between what's going on in your head, and what is socially acceptable. While it's not ideal to have to put up a front (life would be so much easier without that extra stress) it's still a sign of mental health, at least I think so. When I'm on the way to poorly I try to hang onto that desire to fit into society, even if I am uncomfortable with sharing everything I'm going through. Sometimes by resisting it, by not letting it bleed into your everyday, it will lessen. I hope that happens with you, that the struggle eases off.

Well I like to tell them I'm fine - because I don't want them thinking I'm ill.
I think I've been doing really well - because the sleeper cells found out and made everything harder, they've been everywhere, so I stayed at home.

Been having noise campains - lots of cameras flying around, the whole thing, don't even know what would have happened if I'd left the house.

I'm like a power ranger - no one can take me down.
Guns or knives - I'm untouchable.

My nurse wants me go back on my meds - so she wants me to see the other Dr since I won't see mine.
She didn't want to leave - with the way I was, but she has other appts, thats because I waste 50 mins of my hour talking about nothing then I tell them stuff just before they go.

I wish there was really Super Sentai.
I need to see if the army will help me though.

But then again the army will be with the government

Why do you do that?

To avoid talking about it too much, they can't ask me questions then, that's why I always tell them I'm fine

But why bring it up at all if you don't want to talk about it?

I don't know if this happens to KUREHA, but sometimes it takes me the whole time to decide whether or not to say anything so sometimes that means we drop a bomb right before it's over.

It's not that I don't want to talk about it exactly, I just don't know how much to tell them, so I just talk about anything until I decide - or I just won't say anything.

Yeah Gr3tta, it's like that as well or I get anxious sometimes so I leave it until the last minute.

There isn't 1 place where I live that helps with gang stalking, probably why my nurse didn't know any either.

I think I'm getting microwave attacks - my nurse said they are harmful, I think it's on my roof.

I'd never even heard of microwave attacks, Kureha. I learn a lot from you.

What makes you think you're getting microwave attacks?

You might have heard of it as - Directed energy attacks.

I'm not getting the worse stuff, right now it's just making me tired and making it hard for me to concentrate.

My laptop keeps disconnecting as well, even though it still has a full signal, I think it's them doing something, because my other computer is fine and nothing in the house is blocking the signal.
Oh and there is nothing wrong with my laptop - Alienware make perfect products.

I'm trying to advance my appt with my nurses - I don't want to wait 2 weeks

Could be stress too. You have a lot on your plate right now. Try to get some rest and do something fun.

I'm glad you're finding the nurses' appts to be helpful.

I don't know I'm confused and I still dont know if I should go back to college.

Yeah my nurse is ok mostly, sometimes she makes me really angry, but she can be really nice as well and the other nurse has started being nicer to me as well.
I think they are starting to believe me too - so that is awesome

I've been feeling quite low and flat for a few days... just cottoned on that it's the change in the light levels after the clocks went back an hour. We're living in more darkness towards the end of the day. It's amazing how bad that can make me feel quite quickly. I bought a light box last year, but didn't use it much. I've just put it in the living room, and intend to switch it on in the mornings while my son and I are breakfasting and he's getting ready for school. apparently as little as fifteen minutes a day can help.

Do you think that as well as other things, Kureha, the change in the light levels might be contributing?

Good thinking, mgran. My son's pdoc has wanted him to get more light as well - something he's not been keeping up with.

I don't know , I felt like this before that happened.

There are lots of things that can sap energy. Poor diet - I know I've felt like crap the last couple of days because I've been helping myself to too much of the Halloween candy around the library. Lack of light - even in the summer if you don't get out in the sunlight. Lack of exercise. Lack of quality sleep. Stress. Even just boredom.

Have you had a physical recently?

P.S. I've just noticed - you have exactly 1000 posts on this forum, Kureha!

I don't know what it is, I thought that because it doesn't last all day and it isn't every day, so I don't know, it made sense.

Yeah everything is fine, well they only did blood pressure.

Isn't halloween pretty big in America.

1000 Thats pretty big

It is. Of course, my kids are grown, so I don't take them out trick or treating anymore. And I live in the country, so I don't have trick or treaters at my house. But our non-traditional students group decided to have trick or treating at the law school from 3:30 to 5:30. I happened to be on the reference desk, so I got to see all the little kids coming by in their little costumes, carrying their little trick or treat bags. It was pretty cute. One little boy dressed as Batman walked by trying to adjust his mask and saying, "Batman can't see! Batman can't see!"

I get scared at Halloween every year, and it takes a little bit for me to calm down. This year wasn't so bad, though I'm still a little nervous.