Roll call

..i dont want to go back....
i HAVENT EVEN SEEN THE DOCTOR YET!

OH JEEZ....

It does seem very inefficient that you have to go back so many different times.

Here and trying very hard not to spend but it doesn't seem to be working. Sigh.

idk...
first is intake
second is eval
third is doc
then doc every time after that prob for me

What about a talk therapist?

ugh
my dad told them i was NONCOMPLIANT
ffffffff**k

whats that?

idk what im all getting yet.
after all...like you said..if im getting the shot...then well yea like you said thats all i prob will be getting.

Sorry.

You can tell them you want a therapist to talk to.

yeaa...
not sure i want one...
im not going into my problems.
id rather subdue them then talk about them
and before that id rather live with them.

Whatever you think is best.

id rather wallow
than have someone pick apart something thats not theirs.

I wish I had the answers, newtus. I wish I could make it better.

i wish you could too...

I have to leave now to get my dog and go home. I'll be away from the computer for a while.

im just dead scared about this injection.
my life is over starting friday. i see the doctor this friday 7am.
i didnt sleep llast nght and ive gott severe raccoon eyes.
im prone to that.

i hear someone talking to me in my head a lot.
IN my head. but like a second line or you know?
its not my thoughts. but like someones talking to me over the air.
all kinds of people. although its many times very mean.
actually...it always is..hm..

DINNER: jalapenos and coffee

I am SO HERE. I am SO DONE. I AM SO NEARLY A BARRISTER I CAN SMELL THE WIG POWDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Newtus, you're going to have one hell of a stomach acid problem if that's your dinner.

Very realistic is my name. The Realists of realists. Everything in this world is predetermined and down to the birds moving and the trees in the wind. Nothing you do is different. I am scared to death of what waits for me. Please God don't shoot! He hangs out in the clouds above with this giant gun pointed at me. Every movement counts. I feel like hurting myself. I already did. Thoughts swirl like the galaxies of the Universe. The anxiety is so severe I can't deal with it anymore. The voices telling me to hurt myself, the visions of aliens visiting this planet. I don't know how to fight. it is absolutely scary as hell. I feel like giving myself brain damage so I don't understand the stress. As people can tell surrounds, everything including the economy is great. I have been crying my head off just like my pet bird, he cries as well. My Loxapine has cameras, tracking chips, and nanobots that release poison into my system so I have to check each pill. If I don't find enough that doesn't have all these things, I just don't take them. I want everything to go away. There are many thoughts right now. Frozen sun. Blue and green aliens threatening this planet and wanting me to fight, the government threatening me and my family, many other things I won't get into here because it is weird and have insight into it. Sorry. Very sorry. My parents doesn't want me to bang my head against the wall so I am just punching myself in the head. I also cut myself. I have been cutting at least once a week since this started. My hair itches.

i remmeber eating 2 cans of those jalapenos once.
stomach of steel.
yet i cant stomach bananas.?

i ..cant do this.
i just cant do that injection.
i cant stop crying
im very scared.
and i dont cry a lot.

I can eat seven bananas in one sitting, but I stay the hell away from jalapenos!!

I don't understand the filters here. How come I can write hell but not **** di ck?

when your mixed with black and mexican its a whole new world.