Roll call

I actually never liked it before. I think it's a mindset kind of thing. When I'm rushing through to get on to the next thing, it's just another tiring chore. You have to slow down and do it mindfully.

If I had something foisted on me to shut me up, I wouldn't care for it either.

Advancement wasn't high on my list of needs when I was a kid. Now that I'm well into middle age, it doesn't make the list at all.

Maybe 'career' is too lofty a word. I hesitated over it when I typed it this morning. But when I say I want to change jobs, people think I mean I want to find another librarian job. No. I don't. I loved my work for years, but now it bores me silly. I have 20 more years to retirement, and every day I come to work I feel like another tiny piece of my soul dies. It's intolerable, unsustainable. And when I look around and ask myself what I want to do, it isn't doctor, lawyer, or CEO. It's school bus driver or check out lady at the grocery store. I know those are very low paid, undervalued, no benefit kinds of jobs (which is why I'm still at my current job). I've been working on this one for years, though, and I have no idea what to do next. I just want a shorter commute, a shorter work day, and not to have to sit behind a freakin' desk all day.

You know what would be good? Chaplain at a jail - except I'm not particularly religious.

See? Twenty years from now I'll be retiring from this job still thinking about what I want to be when I grow up.

In my experience there's a risk of that with anything that you love and then make it your livelihood.

P.S. Oh, oh, oh! Librarian at a jail! That has possibilities. Except it would have to be a prison not a jail, and the closest prisons are at Lansing and Leavenworth. That's a longer commute not a shorter one. Boo! See! There's always a reason to eliminate any idea. It's beginning to look like I'm my own worst enemy?

Here. With Rats Lady.

Think I'm sick, sore thorat, headache, congestion. As much as it sucks, it's almost a relief. I can't think very clearly and any physical pain seems to help ground me.

I hope you feel better soon, icky, but I'm glad it's helping to ground you. A mixed blessing, then?

im browsing a dating app for fun
and it just refreshed my mind how disgusting people are.

lol......

im gonna order all these tests online. to test myself.

first one i want is the genetics test from 23andme.com

also as we revel in may being mental health awareness month
is it not ironic that it is also masturbation month?...

8 hrs left

6 hrs left

Going to hospital

**** it - suicide is my option now.

oh sh**

....

whats going on kureha

I am new here

I didn't take my meds. Then I took it and they are still sending me. Mental health act

**** dude ****

...forreal.

Managed to convince them - I'd take the meds all the time, my parents helped as well.

Plus the nice psychiarist was there as well

I'm FREE

- deleted -

well i'm here. doing okay i guess? everyone seems angry at me and I"m not sure why. Even my cat's mad at me. I have a new job and I'm a little nervous about it. I'm a cashier and it's a little hard but i really want to do well. I've been wanting a job for years now. Finally someone gave me one!

Good luck on the new job, Shadow! That's fantastic!

P.S. How do you know the cat's mad at you?

what does it mean when your issues are more mental?

this place is dead right now

How'd your appointment go this morning, newtus?

thanks! it's exciting and scary at the same time..

and i can just tell the way she looks at me. everyone has the same expression today. Hopefully all my customers won't.

she said my issues are mental whats that mean