[MissBarghest]

So I was diagnosed with brief psychotic disorder last year. My family started noticing there wasn't something quite right about me. They would question the way I talked, walked, my memory and my unusual behaviour. I've always been known by friends as "the eccentric one" but they thought this was going beyond eccentricity. I started getting really paranoid. That a secret society and people I knew were out to get me. I had really bizarre hallucinations as they're called. I would look in the mirror and I would see myself as a wolf. I told people but they never believed me. My mum started to get really worried saying "but there's obviously something not right about you in your head if you think this is all going on!". My friends also started noticing something wasn't right. But they are amazing friends... At my work place (a community farm) everyone, volunteers and staff and children gathered round me to help me when I was experiencing a horrific hallucination of a man in a cloak and knife. They were so kind. The other teenagers were saying "we won't let anyone hurt you".

I can't distinguish dreams from reality. I am good with my speech though. But occasionally I do get muddled up and I get these thought blocks. I feel like my thoughts are being stolen by this evil woman. There's even a video footage of me getting my words mixed up. Me and my friends had to make a video of our favourite film and about ourselves for this course. Suddenly my friends were all laughing their arses off. I couldn't figure out why. Then I realised I had mixed up my words because of the voices distracting me. It was pretty funny so I just laughed with them.

But anyway I just feel so alone. And I hate the stigma of psychosis. One person I know in a course said "let's make the robot (we're building an animatronic) psychotic so he'll want to kill everyone!" I was so pissed off at that. People tell me I need to not notice these people. But how can't I when I've had people telling me to kill myself because "we don't want you to breed so we don't have any more little schizos running around killing everyone". It hurts. It really hurts. I feel like my family don't understand just how terrifying this all is for me.

I also can't trust myself. People say my delusions aren't real. But to ME all these so called delusions, hallucinations, etc are real and scary!

For those who don't want to read all this, here's my symptoms as described by family and doctors:

Hallucinations (of all types but mostly voices)
Delusions
Thought blocks
Occasional sadness
Occasional speech mixups (this is one of my least predominant symptoms)
Pretty weak short term memory
Bizarre behaviour


So here I am now on Seroquel XL (originally I was on Risperidone). I'm slowly getting better. I think the best therapy has been my dog, cat and art. If you'd like to see my art just search for Art by Alicia Holt on Facebook or SuzukiShiba on DeviantART.

If you share any symptoms like this I'd really like to talk! I'm so sick of being alone on this subject.

[SQLVR]

Hello Hun!
I'm sorry you feel alone. I know these things can be scary. I hope you find a lot of support here

[FireBird]

I absolutely hate the stigma of mental illness as well. Especially the media presentation. They truly believe that we are wild animals that need to be shot on sight. But the thing is we are NOT wild animals. We are people like everyone else. Just because one is psychotic doesn't mean we will kill anyone. It is the media that portrays us as such. "This criminal had mental illness with the voices telling him to kill." Actually the statistics show that we are more likely to be victims of crime than one who commits the crime. The ones that are more likely to kill or commit violence are people who are on drugs (illegal drugs), alcoholics, and had a past history of violence. How long ago were you diagnosed. Are you still having problems now? I always thought "Brief psychotic disorder" lasted less than a month. If it was last year and its still continuing now, then it is not brief psychotic disorder.

[faerie_moon_x]

Hello,

While I have not had a full blown delusional episode in about 7 years, I still get a lot of paranoia and more recently I've started having audio hallucinations again. (Within the last 6 months, very sporadically.) I'm diagnosed bipolar, though, because although it has been determined I had a psychotic episode so many years ago, it happened when I wasn't in treatment so I'm diagnosed bipolar with psychotic features.

When my episode happened I was also being chased by a "secret society." A new office building was built in my neighborhood and this was the trigger, and all of my deulsions were centered on that building, (which I called "the building," and which served as a headquarters.) I had a very "tight knit" group of friends at that time, but none of them were supportive in that instead of finding me help, they just went along with me and agreed with me, and looking back at that time I am very angry at them, but have not had contact with them in many years so my anger just sits. So, although maybe your family and friends do not understand exactly what is happening, it is good they are supporting you.

The stigma of mental illness is terrible. It isn't something easily fixed, either, because it is in the media with mis-representations and the only time you hear of psychosis in the news, it's due to a violent act. The only way to fight against it is with awareness and education. Educating yourself on your condition so that you can explain it to others is very good to do.

Sometimes it can be lonely dealing with stigma and mental illness, but that's what we have PC for



*Willow*

[Ones44]

I know what that like, I have the same symptoms... I'm not diagnosed, but I only have auditory hallucinations... (I hear fooststeps and my name being called.) I also hate how Schizo and DID get mixed up... Even though I have symptoms following both perfectly... I hope you will stop feeling so alone, that's the worst...

[All_voices_are_evil]

Even though I'm a schizophrenic I can't completely understand because I've had little amount of people insult me and so on. The most I've had is people call me psycho. I do though understand your loneliness. I've been a schizophrenic for 5 years and I've only really met one schizophrenic. I really don't have that one person to lean on. No one understands and they just make jokes about it or make unwitty comments. I always ask myself why I have to deal with this **** for the rest of my life.

[emmamental]

I've been diagnosed with schizophrenia because everytime i come off meds i have another episode. I've been hospitalised 4 times now and am slowly getting better. I also had blocked thoughts, it was like i couldnt think properly and there was a 10 second delay before anyone could get an answer out of me. I would hallucinate bother visually and auditorily. Just so you know that with the right meds and time things can get better. Its also good to have someone to talk to that wont judge you. By the sounds of it some of your friends have been pretty supportive which is great. I just hope you get the right support here.

[MoonFairy]

Originally Posted by All_voices_are_evil

Even though I'm a schizophrenic I can't completely understand because I've had little amount of people insult me and so on. The most I've had is people call me psycho. I do though understand your loneliness. I've been a schizophrenic for 5 years and I've only really met one schizophrenic. I really don't have that one person to lean on. No one understands and they just make jokes about it or make unwitty comments. I always ask myself why I have to deal with this **** for the rest of my life.

Hey, first you have schizophrenia NOT you are schizophrenic. The latter implies it's who you are...like being a teacher or daughter. The former implies it's a part of you but not you...like having cancer at birth or a loss limb at birth. Schizophrenia derived from birth. You inherited it. Is some ways you can say you did not choose it but it chose you. You can stop its effect on you by not claiming it as if it's who you are....it's not...it's what you have or been afflicted with. With this perspective its easier to answer those who call you crazy. Remember, everyone has craziness in them and are capable to do evil.

[noodlzzz]

I'm a 19 year old female if you ever want to talk to someone close to your age about your experiences, just give me a PM

hello, i can relate to the secret society thing becuase there is a secret society that was harrassing me and watching me in my house through survalliance for years, they hacked my computer in 2004 and i smashed it with a 2 by 4 that was used for the sliding glass door. then i set the house on fire. the secret society was with the illuminati and the music industry and they started writing songs about me on the radio becuase my dad was ghost writing music for a famous artist that is now dead, i never figured out exactly who was watching me and who was harrassing me but i have my theorys, and when my dad dies part of his will is to tell me what is going on and they are going to make a movie about it. when i got put on 6 and 7 hundred milligrams of thorazine all my beliefs didnt feel real anymore just becuase the medication duals your senses but it doesnt mean what was happening to me wasnt real. i got off most of my medication becuase i gained weight and now im starting to come back to reality about whats really going on with the secret society and i am developing a plan to find out who is involved. i know my dad and my grandfather are involved. and my sister knows whats going on but they are refusing to tell me. i never had alot of friends but i never felt lonley becuase i always new there were people watching me and stalking me, but when i moved into my new apartment i felt lonely becuase they didnt bug the apartment, thats why i moved out becuase i felt lonley. im looking for a new apartment. hope this helps. oh and by the way, the secret society isnt stalking me anymore like they used to, and they dont have my familys house bugged and undersurvalliance anymore, but they are still monitoring my computer activity, so they know i posted this about them. they are reading it as im typing.

[snugglebeary]

I'm 16. I was dx bipolar when I was 14 after a horrible episode. I thought a demon called 'Dopey Oven' was slowly taking control of me. He communicated with me through ouija board, text messages, sometimes speaking, and writing (mostly writing). He took over my arms and legs and forced me to text people evil sayings and forced me to walk down the street. He wrote to me on paper using my hand. It looked like I was writing, but it felt like somebody was controlling me. The house phone would ring and when I answered it was all static but he spoke to me through static...A lot of things happened that I can't describe over my phone right now. But I remember laying down thinking I was dying next thing I know I was in the behavioral hospital. The doctor told me he was going to dx me as schizophernia but I was too young for such dx so he decided to dx me bipolar instead. I recently found out that he dx everybody bipolar from a lot of people who have him. You're not alone. You can always talk to me. I have no friends to talk to about these problems.

[Phoenix060912]

Dark Heart,
I, too, am diagnosed with Bipolar I with psychotic features. This last year I have spent in a fantasy world of psychosis. And I continue to feel so very alone in a world where it seems like nobody understands or wants to understand how I feel and what I am going through. Thanks for your post. It makes me realize that there is at least one other person out there may understand what I am going through.

I hope to hear from you again. Take care and be safe.
Phoenix