Roll Call Take Two

you're pretty much all set for your family aren't you fishsandwich? it'll be okay.

do you all over the pond not get your wisdom teeth out normally? almost everyone gets them out here.

Never had mine out either. Just like my tonsils, they simply disappeared. ???!!!

i just noticed this thread people put what they are struggling with today.

today im struggling with....disorganized speech. hahha....

...no i really am. :embarassed:

Except for the epic laundry quest I am about to embark upon and the fact that I've only taken time off work from Wednesday, I'm oK!

why did my post get two thanks? i dont understand?

you know WHAT DX they gave me in that hospital?!

What DX, Newtus?

schizoaffective disorder severe recurrent

is it stupid to say that i dont think i have depression? i truly believe i dont.

I can't find a hug/empathy button on Tapatalk. "thanks" was the closest option.

ooh. yea im using tapatalk too.

Schizo-ffing-fective...???!!!
My pdoc insists I'm not schizophrenic. I'm so happy
Mocking voices, stick that in your pipe and smoke it backwards!!! Ha ha ha!!! yourselves

(Sorry about the rant)

It's funny. I feel that way too quite often, even though I'm scrambled and feeling very detached from people around me. But the last few days I hit some very heavy times too. I guess the symptoms overlap with depression. Anyway who gives a rats posterior what name they give it. It is what it is, and it sucks, regardless.

well idk what to think anymore. my parets believe i have it. my dad supports me. my mom F her. my sister doesnt think i have it. hm what do i think? i think i prob do. after repeated psychiatrists say i do. but do i? or do i feed their Dx they give me? i dont try to? psychiatrists are the only ones that think i have schizoaffective. therapists have more faith in me but in the end give up and agree with the psychiatrist. the pharmacy knows me so well at target because i come in for new meds every few months and they have to special order the big stuff. especially when i walk in ragged the day out of the hospital with a script that says psych hospital at the top. they know me by name...i see the looks they give me. i know they arent dumb. the pharmacist even spoke to my dad about schizophrenia. whats funny is how i went to get a med that either used for schizophrenia or extreme vomiting and she said "take your main nausea medicine" and i said "what?" and she goes "oh? is this for nausea?" i said "no?". she was new and the regulars behind the counter had to motion to her that it was for the other thing. she got all quiet.

i just dont think im depressed cause if i get depressed because a situation that shouldnt be depression. im rarely depressed for no reason. i most always have a reason. thats like the DSM was thinking of putting grief as a disorder. its natural part of life. it makes no sense. if i get bullied and am sad about that for a bit hows that depression? who wouldnt be sad for a bit. if my dad almost dies who wouldnt be sad? etc. i think my sadness is situational but i think its normal. i dont let it linger. i cant. now if someone accused me of having anger issues id say yea to that. i used to not. my anger came out in my 20s. i always suppressed it in my teens. may be why its so strong right now.

Always an unsettling thought...until it spins 'round an winds you one in the mug, and the med people say "see, told you".

Therapists giving up on you has to be one of the most painful invalidating experiences. You open your soul to them, and after a while they find excuses why you need to move on. "Take your meds" Ugh!

Could that med have been Ondansetron (Zofran) by any chance? I came across a research article that claimed positive results for reducing sensory gating deficits in people with SZ. I asked my pdoc about it, but she was dead against trying it because it was meant for treating cancer patients with nausea from chemotherapy. Apparently it works by reducing Serotonin in the gut. I had been all excited that I may have found a solution to one of my most debilitating problems.

At least you all know what they think. My dr doesnt label, so I have no idea.

For all I know they could believe me and just give meds to mess with me and control me.

no it was trilafon.

im finding myself up right now at 2am reading about voices. trying to get a handle on this illness each time. im thinking "are my voices just thoughts?" ugh but no they arent. ive had thought-voices but ive also had many many very real-voice hallucinations. they just trade off daily and vary in volume intensity. both. i get confused because doctors all say i have this. and after years of figuring it out they honed it to this. but then theres those people that say no. i hate being pulled in so many directions.

im on meds but i feel worse.

Oh, I took that! Then I got three serious stomach infections in five months and the doc took me off.

I'm sorry you feel bad. I can't imagine that's uncommon. Do you think it's the meds or is it the stuff that happened to get you on them in the first place?

I don't know if it helps, but remember that what doctors stick in the category "schizophrenia" is probably hundreds of slightly different things. They have no idea what they're doing and they don't care, they're happy with the big tent of a diagnosis. Just because you experience things that people say are part of schizophrenia doesn't mean you have to accept that explanation.

Thanks for the heads up, Fish. My stomach is in such a mess as it is. Ondansetron would probably be disastrous for me.

extremely good question. and i wasnt gonna talk about it but i think its the latter. im also having some flashbacks of me standing on the railing of the overpass. and i slip onto the highway and i react in real life. i posted another thread similar to this but its not exactly like that last sentence.
...
no one has to tell me.
ive caused more problems than i did away with. but that was the point of jumping off that bridge in the first place.
...
and as if i wasnt paranoid about police to begin with im even more so now. i see them in my minds eye with their baton and gun telling me to not look at my sandwich or theyll shoot. its been like this type of thing for hours now...
i cant pee or look out my window or they shoot me..
maybe why im up at 3am. my thoughts are so loud. im feeling bugs on my skin. i have a long history of tactile hallucinations.

the doc at the hospital said i was very very good at concealing my symptoms to get out of the hospital. he didnt say it mean either in fact he was very nice even when he said that.

As Fishsandwich pointed out, the diagnostic concepts aren't all that definitive. So long as there are differing opinions on aetiology and processes, these constructs people call "illnesses" are always going to be open to various interpretations and differing emphases. I guess that's one of the frustrations of diagnostic labels for abstract, nebulous and shifting conditions.

I'm trying to focus more on living with and overcoming the challenges, and getting my life back, and trying not to get too hung up on what current psychiatric practice labels my experience.