Roll Call Take Two

9am. already drinking.

that doesn't sound like a great start to your day, newtus. wasn't the drinking making you feel worse just the other day?

yeaa. voices n stuff. then i drank triple the amount yesterday. now early this morning.

so why are you deciding to drink then?

I hate alcohol it makes me paranoid.

Just realised how stupid I must sound to everyone - thinking I'm scared of an imaginery thing - probaby sounds like being scared of monsters under the bed to everyone.

Lost the one person that took me seriously.

If you want to drink try a Rocket Fuel - 8 parts vodka 1 part red bull or whatever energy drink.

i never thought you sounded stupid, kureha. i never thought what you feared was imaginary.
...and that is a good drink, but i don't want newtus to wind up feeling worse, that's all.

Thanks
It's just I've seen the looks and the laughs or like my nurse said last week it "it sounds like a sci-fi movie"

It's fine - treat it like some joke

Yeah it was just a suggestion - the rock stars drink it.

i think it was really mean the nurse said that. doesn't mean everyone feels that way though.
one time when i was a kid i got drunk on screwdrivers (vodka and orange juice) and my mother said, "well, at least you were getting some vitamins."
i thought that was funny.

She is always like that and most people are. My ex psychologist was totally different though.

Lol - it is funny.

i dont give a f--k about anything right now thats why

well, i suppose that's a good reason. you might give a f - - k if you weren't drinking, but sometimes that does make things worse.
just try to eat some solid food too, so you don't make yourself sick.

I think the nurse has left me - I don't blame her, I would leave me to, I'd get well away
It was meant to be weekly for now and nothing.

I need some help with my thoughts - but I guess her other patients are way more important and deserve her time more than I do.
I don't even know what I do wrong, am I not polite enough, wear the wrong kind of clothes, is it because I don't speak enough?

i just got approved for ssi too just today. HOW QUICK

but i get too much on ssdi so its lump sum and not continuous.

Alcohol makes depression worse, narcotic abuse worse - it doesn't work for me, it's energy drinks all the way for me.

yea ive been drinking all day

iM NOT GETTING DRUNK! WHYYYYY iM DRINKING 13.0% ALC

i heard if your parents are alcoholics you have a high tolerance?

nm im totally drunnk but it took a lott

//drunk posting

What is the official medical word for when you can't speak because you have schizophrenia? Not selective mutism, but . . . ???

Never mind, it's alogia. Of course I knew that.

Honey, do you think you can lay off the drink? I'm getting a wee bit worried about you.

Has Willow been around lately?

you can speak its just you can mentally bring yourself to it. its hard to explain actually. i mean i had that as a late teen - (still do ACTUALLY. forreal.) anyway yea it was before i first got dxd. i guess prodromal stuff. but anyway i was actually accused of being autistic by high schools. and i mean accused becuase i said no but they thought i was lying many times. even called my parents. and it was once discussed that i might have social anxiety disorder.

but then i got diagnosed with schizoaffective officially when i was 17. and they said it was most likely apart of the negative symptoms as why i didnt talk and withdrew socially. etc. and all that other negative symptoms stuff.

I often can't speak at all. Like, I have the words, just saying them out loud is such a monumental effort I can't quite accomplish it.

that could be one way. i just couldnt explain it. you know.