[fishsandwich]

So. This is it. I'm about 80% decided that I will move back to Canada for at least a year, to live with my mother and help her sort herself out a bit. It should theoretically be less stressful for me, too, because I won't have to worry about things like work visas and extremely high rents here in the UK.

My problem is that it will be less stressful ONLY if I can find a way to tell my mother than I am not seeing psychiatrists, will not see psychiatrists, and indeed attribute all my success of the last four-five years to escaping psychiatrists. My mother and I have a somewhat patchy history in general. And I'm still not a very sane-looking person; I cry a lot and often want to sit quietly on my own for hours on end to recharge. I'm more than OK with this but I know she won't be.

I'm not sure how to do this. My mother believes I continue to drug myself and see doctors. I have erm . . . allowed her to continue believing this. I don't think I've flat-out lied and told her I was taking some drugs, but I might have once or twice. She has a long memory for these things.

So what do I say?

[Gr3tta]

Your choice - continue to "allow" her to believe you're seeing a doctor: ie, once a week go to your "doctor's appointment," while you're really going out to lunch or window shopping, or to a movie, or whatever - OR - tell her the truth. You believe you're doing much better without the care of a doctor, and that one of the conditions of your staying with her is that she respect your choice in this matter. If she doesn't accept this, then you'll need to be prepared to tell her you cannot stay with her under those conditions.
Potential pluses and minuses in either case. When it comes to my own family, I tend towards lying, but I also wouldn't choose to stay with or care for them. So, that's my useless two cents!

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

I see positives and negatives to both scenarios as well, and like gretta would not choose to go back, but if i was in your shoes and going back, id be honest as lies tend to weigh heavily on me. But using fake therapy appointments could help get you some real alone time, if you can keep up with and handle the lies, but also if you think you could handle her reaction more than lies, often (but not always) honesty is the best possibly. Id say weigh out the possible stressors of each event and decide which you could handle more

[fishsandwich]

Oh yeah, the thing I forgot to mention is that we live a one-hour drive away from the nearest city (in which she works, and I would work, and in which the doctors are) . . . and because I'm visually impaired, she would be driving me everywhere. So lying about it probably ain't going to work.

And this would be just about as much her helping me (with an easy place to live) as me helping her. And it's going to be really **** for me no matter what, but eh.

[KUREHA]

I'm pretty much anti meds, but why not take a low dose. I have to take mine. Or why not see a psychologist there instead.

[fishsandwich]

Originally Posted by KUREHA

I'm pretty much anti meds, but why not take a low dose. I have to take mine.

I can't tolerate even a low does; worse, I don't need them and it makes me very ill. Plus I want to avoid psychiatrists. Plus I don't want to feel forced to get unnecessary medical treatment as a condition of helping my mother out.

Originally Posted by KUREHA

Or why not see a psychologist there instead.

I plan to do this

[Trippin2.0]

I shouldn't advocate lying, but sometimes it's best... I'm assuming the city is big, and you won't end up working with or near your mother. If not pls discard... Your pdoc could also be your T. And you see her near work,its close enough to walk to,and you either get time off work, or 'work' in your time missed having coffee (don't know about canadian labour law so it depends) after which she picks you up...

[KUREHA]

Yeah I get that, I hate being forced, I wish I'd been given a choice.

I hope you get a good psychologist, way better than nurses and psychiatrists.

[fishsandwich]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

I shouldn't advocate lying, but sometimes it's best... I'm assuming the city is big, and you won't end up working with or near your mother. If not pls discard... Your pdoc could also be your T. And you see her near work,its close enough to walk to,and you either get time off work, or 'work' in your time missed having coffee (don't know about canadian labour law so it depends) after which she picks you up...

I'm well impressed to see the consensus come out so strongly in favour of lying!

I think I might 'bend the truth' a bit with her until I can get a therapist there. I'm banking a lot on the fact that I'm a Certified Grown-Up™ now, with degrees and qualifications out my wazoo, and who will (we hope!) be handing her a big wad of cash each month. She's the kind of person who will leave me to it if I seem to be coping OK. It's the fact that I have very odd coping methods that worries me.

[fishsandwich]

Originally Posted by KUREHA

Yeah I get that, I hate being forced, I wish I'd been given a choice.

I hope you get a good psychologist, way better than nurses and psychiatrists.

I usually go for private psychologists. Spendy, but much better quality and much easier to change.

[KUREHA]

Not always,my psychologist works for the NHS and I couldn't have paid for anyone better.

[fishsandwich]

Originally Posted by KUREHA

Not always,my psychologist works for the NHS and I couldn't have paid for anyone better.

Yeah, there are some great people in the NHS. It's just hit-and-miss whether you get assigned to them or to one of the many, many terrible people.

[Trippin2.0]

in reading my response, I just remembered how well I can lie,without giving it much thought. Must be sheer strong-will to have avoided it for as many years as I have... Goodluck with finding a new T

[ickydog2006]

I wish you the best of luck. I don't do well with lying, but I have 'let' my mother believe what she wants to at times.