[RunningEagleRuns]

I have a tendency to throw or hit things when Im angry, and i'm always angry. I'm worried I'll break something and have to fess up to my Dad about. He'd understand, but I still don't want to go through that. I already have a hole in my wall. I told him and he just told me to cover it... No one has seen it yet. HELP!

[fishsandwich]

Any chance you can buy a supply of super-cheap plates and break those instead? I had a phase where I had to do that and it really helped that I was breaking 20p plates instead of expensive and important things.

[RunningEagleRuns]

Haha maybe..

[fishsandwich]

Go Greek or go home, eh? Just make sure you yell "OPA!" when you do it.

[RunningEagleRuns]

Originally Posted by fishsandwich

Go Greek or go home, eh? Just make sure you yell "OPA!" when you do it.

=] I just dont want to have to confess to my dad i get angry and destroy things..

[fishsandwich]

Is there a reason you feel you have to confess? (Other than the possibility that you'll break something valuable/important/noticeable.)

If you don't mind me asking, what do you feel so angry about? Maybe there is a way to make it so that you don't get quite so angry.

[RunningEagleRuns]

Originally Posted by fishsandwich

Is there a reason you feel you have to confess? (Other than the possibility that you'll break something valuable/important/noticeable.)

If you don't mind me asking, what do you feel so angry about? Maybe there is a way to make it so that you don't get quite so angry.

My symptoms and life in general make me angry.. Stupid voices and what not.. Sometimes it seems like alot of things are against me..

I confess partly because my religion but also partly because my conscience makes me do it.

[costello]

It is possible to learn to manage strong emotions. That's a skill that can be acquired.

One of the things I dislike about giving people psych dx's and telling them they have a broken brain is that it lets them off the hook as far as working on skills. You say you get mad because of your symptoms and life in general. I say young men get mad. They learn how to manage their emotions in such a way that they don't hurt others or themselves. Otherwise they have very unhappy lives.

[costello]

Here's a very basic discussion of anger and how to manage it:

Funny thing about anger. As emotions go it's often pretty clear-cut. It's rarely subtle.

But is there an emotion that is more misunderstood? Many believe that holding anger in is bad for you, that it only builds pressure to be expressed. In fact, sudden bursts of anger or prolonged anger are bad for you. A strong emotion that is accompanied by arousal of the nervous system, anger produces effects throughout the body. It eats away at your cardiovascular system, your gut and hijacks nervous system, often obliterating the capacity for clear thinking. And it may even grow in intensity.

But express it—and you're not necessarily better off. Anger doesn't automatically dissipate by being unleashed. We rarely experience catharsis. Venting it in words or action doesn't make anger easier to manage; often it only increases the intensity of the feeling. Anger often feeds on itself. Plus, by furthering aggression it often brings irreversible damage to those in the immediate vicinity.

People have trouble managing anger and other negative emotions. Anger is often one of the few emotions men consider it "acceptable" to display. But that doesn't mean they respond well when someone else displays anger towards them.

In many cultures, women are under pressure to conceal their anger. Sometimes they do such a good job of it they don't even recognize it in themselves.

Because anger is such a forceful negative emotion and makes people uncomfortable, taboos about expressing it are widespread. How many of us have heard some variation of this refrain while growing up: "If you are going to stomp around the house you can go to your room and stay there until you've finished being angry."

The sad upshot is, under those conditions no one learns how to manage anger appropriately. People may not even recognize when they are angry. Or they may conceal anger until it explodes out of them in the form of hurtful words or deeds.

Studies show that the ability to identify and label emotions correctly, and talk about them straightforwardly to the point of feeling understood, makes negative feelings dissipate. And the physiologic arousal that accompanies those feelings also diminishes dramatically.

But when anger is deemed unacceptable, people stay in a state of arousal, unable to pay attention to what is going on in the world around them, unable to regulate their own behavior and focused only on their inner emotional state. In fact, they tend to experience excessive physiologic arousal in situations involving negative emotions—but they tend not to display any external signs of emotional response. Imagine how that can confuse a friend or a spouse! That's because they hide their emotions but feel anxious in emotionally evocative situations.

Sometimes, however, telling someone we are angry brings feelings of relief, especially when we also express why we are angry. Psychologists believe that the relief we feel under those circumstances results not from venting the anger but from identifying the anger-arousing circumstances and working towards a solution.

And that points to the positive value that anger has. It's a great motivator for change. It encourages us to speak up about something bothering us.

But it's all in how we do it, because in goading us to action about things that upset us, anger can also prompt us to overreact. So first and foremost, lengthen your fuse so that you are not reacting to every tiny upset and you can think your way to a constructive solution.

• Take three deep breaths. When you are angry, your body becomes tense. Breathing deeply will ease the tension and help lower your internal anger meter.
• Change your environment. The quickest way to uncouple yourself from an ongoing source of anger is to take a five-minute walk to get some fresh air. Stuck in traffic? Take a mental escape by turning up the radio and singing at the top of your lungs.
• Know why you feel angry. Track down the clues about the kinds of things, situation, people and events that trigger your anger. Anger often masks our deepest fears. In an angry-making situation, ask yourself what deep fears it might be stirring in you.
• Let go of what is beyond your control. You can change only yourself and your responses to others, not what others do to you. Getting angry doesn't fix the situation and makes you feel worse. If someone constantly arouses your anger, focus on the troublesome situation and brainstorm solutions.
• Express yourself. Be sure to think first and use measured tones and words that are not emotionally loaded. In a nonconfrontational way state that you are angry and identify the situation that makes you angry and why it ticks you off.
• Be cautious. There are situations in which expressing your anger holds danger. Having a jealous or abusive partner is one. Vent to a friend instead of the person who wronged you; you may wind up with some solutions you never imagined.
• Be assertive, not aggressive, in expressing yourself. Assertiveness requires speaking in an effective, nonviolent way towards a constructive goal. It may help if you rehearse your response before delivering it.
• Make positive statements. Memorize a few positive statements to say to yourself when your anger is triggered. They will remind you that you can choose your behavior instead of reacting in a knee-jerk way. For example, you might say: "I can take care of my own needs" or "His needs are just as important as mine" or "I am able to make good choices."

http://www.psychologytoday.com/artic...downside-anger

[fishsandwich]

Yes, but what happens when (like me) you can't let go?

[costello]

Anger is a subject I find fascinating. I had a pretty hot temper most of my life - until a few years ago. I come from a family of hot tempered women, and they were all afraid of me. I wanted so much to control it. I do manage my anger now, and it's a miracle to me. I'm walking talking breathing evidence that it can be done. Certainly my son's seen the change in me, and I think it gives him hope for himself.

The mistake I made for many years was the control thing. Like I could clamp down on it and defeat it. For me a middle path approach is the best. Don't suppress. Don't act out. Just observe it and experience it. Get to know it.

When you realize you don't have to do anything in the moment of anger, it's literating. You don't need to scream, throw things, hurl insults, etc., etc., etc. You really don't need to do anything. And in the hottest anger you shouldn't act.

First, you have to be aware that you're angry. Then you have to stop whatever you do to act out your anger. The problem is being aware, because we lie to ourselves so often. We don't know how we're feeling until we're in full anger mode. You have to know before that. That's why mindfulness can be so useful, because it helps you to notice what's going on with you. Once you notice, you can make a choice.

One thing I'm still working on is expressing anger. Once you're calm, you need to speak. What I've learned, though, is that once you're calm and you see clearly, there's so much less to feel angry about. Nevertheless sometimes there's good reason to feel angry, and it has to be expressed appropriately.

[RunningEagleRuns]

Hmmm. Interesting.. I'll admit I've been pretty unhappy for awhile.. I think the anger is part of that. I'll try to express what makes me angry without getting angry -
god not caring. And more. But like you said part of it is I'm just a angry person, like my mom and dad.. I do want to change though.

[costello]

Originally Posted by RunningEagleRuns

I do want to change though.

It can be done. It takes a bit of work, but it can be done.

I was thinking about you this evening. I think that one thing that might help would be if you were to cultivate emotions that are opposed to anger. Joy or love or calm - something that you can't feel simultaneously with anger.

I think of it as cultivating a garden. Give the water and food and care to the plants that you want to grow strong. Then they'll crowd out the ones you don't want.

Or another way of thinking about it is this:

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy.

"It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego." He continued, "The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

http://www.firstpeople.us/FP-Html-Le...-Cherokee.html

Feed the joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.

One thing I realized when I started to become more self-aware was how much I fed my anger. It almost didn't feel normal to be calm, you know? Boring almost. Anger is stimulating.

One day a few years ago I was reminiscing with my son about something that happened when he was 8 years old. It was something his school had done which I felt had put him in physical and psychic danger through their carelessness and negligence. He was listening to me tell the story and watching me get more and more angry at the memory. Finally he said thoughtfully, "You just like being mad, don't you?"



Wow! That hit a nerve. He was right. I was getting all worked up over something that had happened 15 years earlier.

Anyway, it's something to keep in mind. What are you cultivating in your garden? Which wolf are you feeding?

That's not the whole answer, of course, but it was (and still is) an important piece for me.

[RunningEagleRuns]

Originally Posted by costello

It can be done. It takes a bit of work, but it can be done.

I was thinking about you this evening. I think that one thing that might help would be if you were to cultivate emotions that are opposed to anger. Joy or love or calm - something that you can't feel simultaneously with anger.

I think of it as cultivating a garden. Give the water and food and care to the plants that you want to grow strong. Then they'll crowd out the ones you don't want.

Or another way of thinking about it is this:


http://www.firstpeople.us/FP-Html-Le...-Cherokee.html

Feed the joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.

One thing I realized when I started to become more self-aware was how much I fed my anger. It almost didn't feel normal to be calm, you know? Boring almost. Anger is stimulating.

One day a few years ago I was reminiscing with my son about something that happened when he was 8 years old. It was something his school had done which I felt had put him in physical and psychic danger through their carelessness and negligence. He was listening to me tell the story and watching me get more and more angry at the memory. Finally he said thoughtfully, "You just like being mad, don't you?"



Wow! That hit a nerve. He was right. I was getting all worked up over something that had happened 15 years earlier.

Anyway, it's something to keep in mind. What are you cultivating in your garden? Which wolf are you feeding?

That's not the whole answer, of course, but it was (and still is) an important piece for me.

Thanks for all you wrote. I feel good when I read, and when I drink energy drinks, but maybe reading is the thing I should "cultivate". What do you think?

The voices make this kinda tough because they are against many of the good things I do. Thats no excuse. but I'm just saying...

Im reading a great book by Steven king - The Dreamcatcher. It's really good!

[costello]

Originally Posted by RunningEagleRuns

Thanks for all you wrote. I feel good when I read, and when I drink energy drinks, but maybe reading is the thing I should "cultivate". What do you think?

Probably you should avoid the energy drinks as much as possible. They're just a lot of caffeine.

The voices make this kinda tough because they are against many of the good things I do. Thats no excuse. but I'm just saying...

Voices are a burden I don't have, but don't let them win. I really think you should work on seeing what the voices are trying to tell you. I believe they're a product of your own mind. Maybe they're voices of people from your past?

Im reading a great book by Steven king - The Dreamcatcher. It's really good!

Sounds good.

I honestly had a hard time thinking of activities that would help me cultivate positive emotions. If you've been just trudging through life, it's hard to know what makes you happy. Recently I started doing "flow" type activities. Those are activities that are challenging enough to absorb my attention, but not so challenging that I give up in frustration. I find them very calming. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flow_(psychology)

Physical exercise is also very good. A brisk walk for half and hour a day will tend to raise your mood so your thoughts will go more positive.

I've also been doing a lot of brain exercises recently. That improves my focus.

Another good idea is making a gratitude list. Every day write down five things you're grateful for in your life. Studies have shown that if you do that for several weeks, your mood will improve. It's good to make it a life-long habit. It just tends to focus you on the positive parts of your life.

Someone told me to think about what I enjoyed doing when I was ten and do more of that. I'm not sure I can remember, though. I liked to read. And swing on the swings at the park. Not sure I want to go play in the park at my age though.

[newtus]

Originally Posted by costello

I really think you should work on seeing what the voices are trying to tell you. I believe they're a product of your own mind. Maybe they're voices of people from your past?

do you advocate this?

[fishsandwich]

I liked doing calculus when I was ten. I doubt it would be an anger-management technique now, I'd probably give up in frustration.

[Gr3tta]

I think releasing anger in healthy ways is good. ie, breaking a priceless heirloom=bad release, beating the heck out of a punching bag=good release.
Some amount of anger might always be there, but learning to release it out of yourself in positive ways will limit it's power over you or your actions.

[fishsandwich]

I wonder if something like martial arts or non-competetive boxing would be a good release.

[RunningEagleRuns]

Hmm...
Alot to think about.
Me my dad and my 3 lil brothers are going on a sort of vacation tomorrow..

Maybe angry music is a healthy outlet for anger? But it could just feed it...

[costello]

Originally Posted by RunningEagleRuns

Maybe angry music is a healthy outlet for anger? But it could just feed it...

I think it would feed it.

[RunningEagleRuns]

prolly true..

[costello]

I've been thinking about your question. I keep thinking an anger thread would be useful.

[newtus]

Originally Posted by RunningEagleRuns

Maybe angry music is a healthy outlet for anger? But it could just feed it...

it feeds mine.

[Gr3tta]

I've confessed to police that I've committed crimes before because I feared what I might have done. (I never actually did anything, but I thought I had)