Roll Call Four

What do you mean? She's not happy that you quit taking them? If so, I think you can still talk to her. I think you should.

greymatter

It's been constant arguments since last night. I have no idea what I'm expected to do. And I can't communicate right, apparently. At the end of next month I have an appointment to try to get the gov't funded insurance here. But I'm having trouble recognizing the importance of that. It's not like anything will get any worse. This is the end. There's no way I can move forward from this point.

I'm going to stop posting here for a while. I need to be alone.

Very interesting.

Hope you find some answers for yourself.

Answers only momentarily satisfy -- Problems remain to persist despite them. I don't know what I'm afraid is going to happen. Everything seems to be melting together in the same catastrophe. I'm trying to keep myself calm by listening to music that matches my mental status. Aphex Twin. Emerson, Lake, & Palmer - Toccata. The Constructus Corporation - Super Psyche. Did I do this to myself? This lake of atrocities seems to be all my fault. It deconstructed because I put too much focus on what was unimportant. MY EGO. And no one can pull me out unless they melt, too. Prose seems to be the only way of speaking that properly conveys my ruminations.

That's been my experience too.

A sense of foreboding seems to accompany psychosis sometimes. Is that what you mean?

I don't know if it will make you feel any better, but I don't think that everything is really melting together in a catastrophe. It may feel that way to you. Or it may seem that way in the things near to you right now. But it's going to be okay. Life is always in flux. Sometimes it seems like it's headed down. But sometimes it's headed up.

I hope it gives you some relief.

No.

You're overwhelmed, but there's no lake of atrocities and therefore no fault/guilt.

I doubt it, hon.

There's always someone outside the chaos you can reach out to to help steady you.

Thank you. I hope you're right. I can't see anything clearly.

I agree. You're just not seeing clearly right now. No fear. Things will get better.

I'm sorry, newtus. I don't understand.

well morals they exceed intention evermore are those set into finding set values in circumstances navigating any home worth holding THE light by. THE one. THE only. and sometimes the devil excruciates pain by blocking chances but i didnt say anything forevermore hold my peace.

I wish I could help.

with what
you helped the messiah today you should be proud.

Not sure how I helped the messiah today, but if I did, I'm proud.

ok well first of all i didnt touch them - i know your supposed to move them. usually gone by the grave dead and im intelligence plays a part. marks the subtlety i am not stupid. since having seen since the middle ages.

What are you supposed to move? And how do you move them without touching them?

meds. medication pusher hence the govt. and dead people. theres cemetaries graves and i mean like nypd chicago philadelphia and los angeles.

You didn't take your meds?

um no
no. i. did. not. but jesus didnt meant to push out 1949. i swear to god theres a lightbulb theres a rope psychiatry. man.

you can see in my eyes i didnt succumb to method psychiatry?

you can see it? or tell.

That's too bad.

"i didnt touch them - i know your not supposed to move them."

I watched the movie Stay, as well. That's where that quotation is from. He thought he was the messiah too... Really good movie.

Still feeling uncomfortable.

Is the music helping at all?

good movie. not sure why you think i think im the messiah. brainwashing evolves. you both think im a punk! ive got two good ties on this. check my posts brainwashing evolves! bronner was right all one all none.

im not stupid