Roll Call Four

yea probably.
i meany im not trying to make suicide seem cool or beautiful for anyone else. im not trying to speak for anyone else. just me.

you know.
i have trich too.
how interesting.

???
too many letters.

LLLooLLLL

i cant take this med side effects any
more. im not even taking the full dose and i feel like s**t.

cant take this.
this is worse than the mental health stuff.

i dont even know what i am typing anymore. lol.
i feel fine but tired. i will probably rest, soon.

You're right. He did come out of it last night. We had a great conversation. We discussed things we'd covered before. His self-esteem is so low.

At one point he said, "I feel like a loser, because I'm sitting here at home talking to my mom." I pointed out that he feels like a loser no matter what. If he were out with friends, he'd find something to confirm his belief that he's a loser. If someone criticized him, he'd think, "See? I'm a loser." If someone complimented him, he'd think, "He probably feels sorry for me, because I'm a loser, so he's trying to be nice to me." Heck, if he's walking through a store, and someone looks at him ("stares" at him) ... more evidence he's a loser!

The problem isn't where he is or who he's with or what he's doing. He just doesn't feel good about himself, and twists everything to confirm his negative view of himself. He needs to address his interior problems, not alter his external life. (I'll grant that working on things like friendships, work, etc., can effect how you feel about yourself. But it's not magic. It's a tool to change how you feel about yourself.)

I haven't seen Tsunami for a long time. Then there are guys who post less frequently, like RER.

Quote:

I guess guys are less likely to seek support or recognize their problems?

A lot of guys post at sz.com and szforums.com.

I hope you all got some sleep last night.

I slept. Kept waking up a lot, even when the cat wasn't bugging me. Still weird. Lots of joint pain, uterus pain, & I'm sure that last night was only a taste of what's to come... It always gets worse at night for some reason. Does that happen to anyone else? Other than the obvious explanation of lacking sleep. I wasn't sleep deprived. At all.

Huh, newt, that's weird!! The only hair I pull is my eyelashes though. Only once or twice, it's been my actual hair. It's not as satisfying. Odd!

I figured that was the case, costello... It seems most sz patients already have huge underlying esteem issues. Whether it is their own or was impressed upon them from the people around them. (I'm a case #2) It explains why both paranoia & stress both correlate positively in psychosis. If I were feeling better, I'd be able to form a more solid cause & effect relationship. But anyway... Yeah. I really hope he soon makes as much progress in his confidence as he has in everything else.

i slept. too much.

ive pulled my eyebrows and eyelashes since i was 9. i started pull the hair on my scalp when i was 21. it doesnt show though at least not yet. i mean my parents commented on how thin my hair is. they think i have naturally thin hair. i dont its cause i pull it. but whatever.. i do it from stress. got a lot of it i guess. it calms me. its really soothing. i know it sounds weird and all.

but anyway youll rarely see me talk about it on here because its embarrassing to me. my sz dx is starting to become embarrassing to. so i talk about it less and less as time goes on..in real life at least. to discuss with anyone that word and paranoia and delusions/hallucinations..is just not going over so well for me anymore. past two years ive been telling psychdocs to not say the dx word to me. and i told a therapist to not say symptomatology words in session with me. it just got really out of hand after that. it bothers me and its embarrassing - all this s**t that i go through. they all ask me "why does it embarrass you?" i said "why the f**k shouldnt it? huh?! WHY?!!!". you know..for me certain things and in this case words embarrass me. thats the fear i guess.

i guess this forum is the only outlet i have..

That would be my guess too, but I really have to fight the urge to generalize from my son to everyone else dx'd with sz. I don't want to fall into the trap of thinking I know all about everyone with the same dx just because I have some fairly good guesses about my son. I even try to remind myself that my guesses about my son may not be correct.

I can understand your feeling embarrassed but you don't need to be. A lot of people have this problem. I don't know what the treatments are.

Whoo-hoo! I didn't get selected for the jury!

It was a domestic battery case between two "mentally challenged" people. Not sure what they meant by "mentally challenged." Low IQ? I'm just grateful I don't have to sit in judgment on that case.

i slept 8a-2p

newt: I'm sorry you're so embarrassed about your diagnoses... I can understand why you get ashamed, or for that matter, why anyone else would. As a matter of course, I don't really get embarrassed easily. My only concern is my issues invalidating my intellect. But that's a big one.
IDK how long I've pulled my eyelashes for. Probably a really long time. Forget if I did it while I was a nailbiter or if I switched from nailbiting to plucking. I've tried buying the Ardell lash growth serum but it was pointless because I'd just pull them once they grew back in, anyway... It's weird when I do it, though. I fail to notice that I feel stressed. I rarely even notice that I do it. At least, not until I get my hands pulled away from my face.
But you're always welcome to ***** about stuff here. It's what the forum exists for! Hehehehe and I'm glad you slept, even though you feel it was too much. Sometimes we need more rest than we think we do.

costello: I wasn't trying to pigeonhole anyone... It's just something I've noticed & put together. Obviously the situation is probably more complex than the scope of my perspective. But it was just a sophomoric attempt, anyway. Hadn't even finished my first coffee! Hehe
Glad you didn't have to do jury duty!! Sounds like a weird case, though.

junkDNA: God, I miss having that sleep schedule! I always get so much more awake at night & it just makes more sense to me. 'Tis lame that I have to work my schedule around when the rest of the world decides to be awake.

If you were my son, I tell you to be careful about reversing day and night. But since you're not, I'll just say

Oh, I know you weren't. I was just saying I always run the risk of doing that.

I'm not sure it was weird. Just sad.

psh. as far as i know: none.
cbt maybe. still bulls**t.

i tried a lash growth serum too. and yea same. useless. pull them out. its all BS. i dont tell pdocs anymore. ive accepted theres no known treatment and ill have it for life.
im really pissed off because my dad says its ok to sleep and be tired. but its not the same. these meds make me feel that way but it feels like i have the flu 24/7. like sluggish - like the energy is sucked out of me. i feel so alive off the meds and i actually do things. they may be scattered and incomplete. but id rather do something than lay in bed all day. i hate this medication. it makes me feel like i have the flu. i dont even want to talk its too much energy to talk.

all my dxs...are just bs. by now.
im not taking those meds tonight.
i dont like feeling this way.

i didnt cancel that c.manager apt.
now its in a few days.

I'd like to try biofeedback for it. Make myself more aware of when I do it so I can replace it with another activity... I get a lot of swelling from all of the tugging & it stings sometimes, which makes me want to pull more. Hm. This conversation is making me realize all of the impulse control problems I have. Trichatillomania, ex-nailbiting, cutting, burning, kleptomania, etc. Odd.

Try taking a multivitamin in the morning with a good b-vitamin complex & possibly ginseng. Then take the meds at night. That should assist in counteracting daytime sleepiness from the medication... And from what I understand, your diet sucks anyway so you could benefit from the extra vitamins. You could have some deficiencies that make the tired-feeling excessive?

And if you give that a try & it doesn't work, please don't quit the medication... Call up the pdoc & tell him the sluggish feeling is unbearable. And he needs to give you some sort of suggestion on how to counteract that side-effect because it's not a compromise you are comfortable making. I take it you usually don't communicate well to your doctors because you don't really trust them that much. But I think if you expressed your concern, he'd recognize you are trying things his/her way & are trying to get better. That deserves respect.

yep i did that for many years before...

you think it sucks?
idk if i have any deficiencies. i have no idea.

i have an appt with him in a week and a half. i told him my problem. he didnt say much. so idk.

um..yea i dont communicate with them because ...no i dont trust them i dont...but its like i said..this is all very embarrassing to be open about things...i just dont say anything anymore. not much of anything. idk. im open the first few times i see them and i just spill it all out for the sake of their knowing to help me. but after seeing them longer and longer i dont say much. thats partly why i cant do therapy. i never said this before this this is true. but this psychdoc is a bit different. he asks a lot of questions and their so...straightforward..

i want a cigarette so bad.

............

Well I remember there was a thread a loooooong time ago where we were all talking about diet stuff & you said you avoided a lot of foods & didn't really eat a wide variety of things... I mean, I could be wrong! But I'm just going by what I remembered from that discussion. My apologies if I'm tactless. That seems to be happening quite a lot lately. But yeah, deficiencies are incredibly common & there are a bunch of different vitamins that can contribute to an increased energy level. Either they themselves give you energy or they help you better utilize the energy you would normally get from other foods.

http://www.ehow.com/facts_4827676_vi...ve-energy.html

It sucks that he didn't say much... And I understand your issues with revealing too much. That's a hard thing to overcome for a lot of people. I'm kind of the opposite of you in that respect, hahaha! I love talking. I love being directly confronted vs being sugarcoated. I love typically embarrassing & uncomfortable conversation. But I DO understand -- You're already feeling vulnerable by being there in the first place. Withholding information is a form of gaining control over the situation. There's no shame in that; I just think having a stronger doc/patient relationship would reduce complications for you. *hugs*