[newtus]

it just hit me that im not happy with my life.

i hate pitying myself but

i live in the rural with no one around. very few i mean. i live in a small house and know nobody. ive been depressed lately and having some weird life breakdown where i wish i had more to my life. i just cant bring myself to be around people anyway. its been like this for 4 and half years now where ive been in this location in this small house like this. by myself. i mean im with my dad but hes 65+.

i think it hit me because i talked to someone i hadnt in a very long time and they told me what they do in life to pass time. hang out with friends - go to school - etc. but im not involved with people like that and its hard to be. it turns out bad all the time. its just an extremely lonely life. i used to live in the city and i loved it because at least i could watch the people bike by or walk by. but here in the rural theres just nobody. i mean nobody. on top not knowing anyone anyway.

the loneliness is making me physically ill. maybe cause its stressing me out idk.

[Denotsed]

I understand the loneliness. I live in a small town, not in the middle of nowhere, however I would almost prefer to be in the middle of nowhere. People make me extremely anxious/nervous, and it is nearly impossible for me to make friends. I don't know what to do =/

[newtus]

im the same way. and i WAS doing fine but then idk it hit me..

well there is facebook, there are people on this site to talk to , maybe you could get a pet

[KUREHA]

Yeah maybe a pet.

I have 2 friends - that I see, it's hard to find the right people - of those 2, there is 1 of them I trust more.

[brackenbeard]

Originally Posted by newtus

it just hit me that im not happy with my life.

i hate pitying myself but

i live in the rural with no one around. very few i mean. i live in a small house and know nobody. ive been depressed lately and having some weird life breakdown where i wish i had more to my life. i just cant bring myself to be around people anyway. its been like this for 4 and half years now where ive been in this location in this small house like this. by myself. i mean im with my dad but hes 65+.

i think it hit me because i talked to someone i hadnt in a very long time and they told me what they do in life to pass time. hang out with friends - go to school - etc. but im not involved with people like that and its hard to be. it turns out bad all the time. its just an extremely lonely life. i used to live in the city and i loved it because at least i could watch the people bike by or walk by. but here in the rural theres just nobody. i mean nobody. on top not knowing anyone anyway.

the loneliness is making me physically ill. maybe cause its stressing me out idk.

let's see... i mean if you want to hang out with people start doing things where you can meet people. go to the grocery store and try and strike up a conversation. don't think of it in terms of this person isn't going to like me, think of it as an excercise where you're slowly getting more accustomed to being around people. if it leads nowhere, no problem.

i have trouble interacting with people i just met, but the trick is listen. listen to them closely. people love to talk about themselves, and love someone who will listen.

your life feels empty. so does mine a lot of the time. i just try an fill the time with stuff i enjoy like drawing, or skateboarding. i think of it as a challenge to get better everyday, which makes me feel good.

i relate to the loneliness... but i have friends which bring me out of it. i think you can make friends if you want to. i think you can!

[unaluna]

It's not a life for a young person. Now that you have a little income, maybe you can think about moving someplace warmer and more conducive to happiness. I.e. where there are people around but where you can still get away when you need to. That's how I do, altho I am old.

[newtus]

Originally Posted by hankster

It's not a life for a young person. Now that you have a little income, maybe you can think about moving someplace warmer and more conducive to happiness. I.e. where there are people around but where you can still get away when you need to. That's how I do, altho I am old.

i cant.
none of my family approves of me living on my own.

i always seem to have police picking me up or mental health professionals trying to get me into hospitals anyway.

im starting to feel i need to get away and hide again for awhile.ive been drinking so much. morning and night lately. i feel i need to hide or make a home in a shed in the woods near my home. i am feeling like i need to get away because i am very paranoid.

i feel like i want to move into the woods for awhile...or texas has this law where you can buy a home for under 20 dollars if its been unoccupied for a length of time.this man bought 400k home for 16 dollars. its a loophole law.

[newtus]

im not saying i cant literally go but i would need my families - really just my dads - help. my dad thinks im too ...idk how to say it "bad off" - "sick" - whatever.

i asked my mom for help as last resort and she said i should be in supervised living instead.

i just..i dont think im so bad off that i need that. i dont think im that sick (i hate saying that word) anyway. i mean i know my dx and how my life is but ...
idk...idk..
...
what is sick anyway?
im not eating roadkill naked...