Would This Be Helpful?

Should I print this for my doctor?
I have no new proof - so I guess I should go with something and this explains most of it.
Or she is just going to think I'm crazy like everyone else that walks through the door.

Symptoms of post-psychological torture (from the website ‘la societa' segreta degli omertini’ [the secret society of persecutors])
The negative post-traumatic symptoms of targeted individuals following psychological torture inflicted by gang stalkers are:
thought disturbances and bizarre behaviour;
affective flattening or affective coarctation;
flattening of the emotions, where a patient may appear immobile with rare eye contact and a lack of expression;
Impoverished speech: a reduction in the thought processes that manifests itself in reduced speech and in replies that are merely a response to questions, giving an impression of inner emptiness.
Anhedonia: a reduction in the ability to feel pleasure. It can manifest itself as a lack of interest in doing anything with a lot of time spent on aimless activities.
Asocial: lack of interest in human relationships.

The negative symptoms are often associated with a general loss of motivation and a lessening of the sense of aims and objectives.
Mistrust, distress, the fear of going out or looking out of the window because of the play-acting scenes that the stalkers have prepared
for torturing their victims.
There is a feeling of being under surveillance twenty-four hours a day. There is therefore no privacy and a fear of secretly being listened to.
Hypervigilance, feebleness.
Agoraphobia .
There are often feelings of rage and violation.

Moreover, what the stalkers want is for you to confide in someone that you are suffering from the symptoms of schizophrenia (e.g. to tell a friend that you have heard someone talking about you on TV and/or on the bus; or that you feel as if you are being pursued by strangers who can read your mind; or that you can hear voices in your head. This someone may even be a person that is dear to you and whom you thought you could trust (parents, brothers, sisters, fiancées, friends), will then stab you in the back by having you hurriedly hospitalised, because everyone (and I mean everyone) who is close to you will double-cross you. Even if you tell no one about any of these things, they will find a way to make you have a nervous breakdown (CJD, PN, techniques for creating monologues, chaos theory to make you say things that make no sense, connivance to make you appear crazy) in order to get you hospitalised.

Once you have been hospitalised, they will in effect have put the fact that you are schizophrenic down in black and white and will have therefore created the necessary pretext to proceed with their torture and their crimes.

Furthermore, they will do everything in their power to hamper investigations about their crimes in order to cover everything up.
gang stalkers (persecutors) will find any way they can to hinder your investigations concerning their guilt. They will employ sabotage (computer viruses, problematical and troublesome internet connections, computer breakdowns resulting from electrical surges caused by them); diversions (they will cause your investigations to take-off in a different direction, or they will make you to get waylaid in deceptive diversions and they will attempt to confuse you so that you fail to gain a clear overall picture with which to understand what they are doing and what they are driving at so that you will then be unable to adopt a strategy that is appropriate and correct); the code of silence (whereby those from whom you are seeking information will become reticent, often providing false information or only some information, omitting what is really important); a general malaise (given the constant torture); limiting your actions because of the little money you have left and so impeding you from doing what they view as threatening (impeding of actions in order to obstruct).

I post it and there is the black helicopter.

I think my nurse is hiding something, I don't mean that she's with them exactly, I was just thinking back to last time I saw her and she gave me this look like she knew something - she just didn't tell me.

I doubt it. Usually if I start thinking back on an interaction and reviewing what happened and coming up with new interpretations, it turns out my new interpretations are wrong. Memories get distorted. She's probably not hiding anything from you.

It's not like I think she is totally lying - just not letting me know, so I don't freak out about it.

But I feel really anxious - there are like a million things going through my mind and I've lost the person I trust.

Definitely giving it to the Dr - she needs to know before she diagnoses.

I think I know what you're talking about. Sometimes we pick up on feelings from other people. If the person is closed off in some way, we may take it personally and think it has something to do with us. But more likely it has something to do with them. They had a quarrel with their spouse that morning. Or they're worried about their child's health. Something like that. They're preoccupied. If we're sensitive, we may notice it. And if we're anxious, we may think it has to do with us. But it's far more likely that it doesn't.

I think your anxiety is leading you to misinterpret your nurse's reactions to you.

I found from past experience that when my world starts getting colored with everything revolving around me (what I do, say, think); that there is this conspiracy against me or some sort of harm aimed at me (again, it's all about me), and/or I get unexplained physical ailments, then I know I'm not doing well. But sometimes I can't see the forest for the trees.

I personally think that it is important for you to print out all these things for your doctor beacuse your doctor needs to see that many other people believe what you believe, and have web sites, etc. I think that a big step toward wellness and safety for you is for the other people around you to realize you're not "making it up" or coming up with these ideas alone. So if they won't go to those web sites, print the things off and maybe then they will go to the web sites. I just have this feeling it's very important.

I agree with costello about your nurse. She was probably dealing with something in her life and it wasn't something you would share with a patient. I have that happen to me a lot. Plus I seem to have some blunted affect so I think I often don't look the way I'm feeling on the inside. So, even regular patients who come in might think I'm off but I'm not going to let on what's happening.

She just said – I know and then looked at me weird.
I’m just used to the way my ex psychologist used to do things.

Yeah – It was, well not good, but when I found out a name for it and that it’s happening to other people – I could finally tell the Dr I wasn’t sick – but they still didn’t believe me.

If I see a website or post on face book – saying just about everything that I’ve been saying for ages, how can so many people be wrong.
2009 – a whole year before I had heard of gang stalking.
I have about 100 people stalking me, could be more – obviously I’m going to see them a lot.

Cybermember – my ex psychologist used to say everything in my world revolves around me, I think that’s why she always knew what I was going to say.

Then this -

These criteria are:

• certainty (held with absolute conviction)
• incorrigibility (not changeable by compelling counterargument or proof to the contrary)
• impossibility or falsity of content (implausible, bizarre or patently untrue)

Number 3 rules out delusions - because it is true.

My appointment is just over a week away - it will be about a month since I saw the nurse - sometimes it feels weird and I don't know what to say -
Do I just continue, tell her what has happened, or just tell her everything is fine.

It's with the Dr as well and I have no idea what to say.

Tell her what has happened. She can't help if you're not honest.

I just wonder if I'm saying too much - like all at once.

If I tell her - she will think I'm faking - because I didn't call, because I wasn't suicidal - so she'll think I was fine, but no one understands the day after day surviellance.

I don't think anyone thinks you're faking.

She did at first - then she said she never said that - but we both know she did.

Sick of being a TI and how medication will make my life wonderful.

I don't want to die - but sometimes I wish they'd get it over with.

I'm sure you're all probaby sick of me whinging about this.

It all sucks - it's never going to change, not until they decide, then it's all over.
I can't get wasted - because they will get to me easier

I can hardly even protect myself.

All I have is loads of anger - because they are stressing me out.

I'm not sick of you. I'm always glad to hear from you.

Thanks - I just don't really have anyone to talk about it with and my friend is still in the hospital.

I think maybe you could try explaining how traumatized you are, tell her what a constant vigilance and feeling of threat is doing to you. Most likely she will not think there is more a threat to you than to anyone else on earth, but you can tell her that you think it is real and you have a real reaction to it. And tell her that even if she doesn't agree on the threat, she must agree on the trauma which seems quite severe. I mean, no matter if the threat is real or not, the reaction is very real and she can never deny that.

That is if she is worth trusting. Even though I don't think nurses are usually working for the menace, some of them are not worth trusting in other ways. Like treating you with respect, showing empathy, taking time, that they need to do.

About meds, I don't think they are a cure all, but when I took an antipsychotic (usually I don't tolerate them), even if I don't hav psychosis I somehow felt better. Not because I was in a better mood but because my thoughts didn't just mess about, I had the same thoughts as before, but they sort of waited to be thought one by one which was very nice. But then again I have ADD so maybe my brain is pretty much about jumbled thoughts.

And I don't think you are whining. For some reason I look forward to reading your posts.

I don't think you're whining at all. I think you're trying to express what you're going through and that is human nature.

I agree with jimi... that it doesn't matter if the threat is real or not real in her preception. What is real is the trauma you are experiencing from it, regardless of the source. And that is what need healing. You cannot function if you're under constant fear and stress. It doesn't matter what is causing that fear or stress whether it is delusions or real threats. If she is a good nurse she will help you regardless of what she believes is true, because the truth is that stress will break you.

And if medication can help relieve your stress and put your thoughts into better order, then any threat against you will be easier to deal with mentally and emotionally. I know that lithium does reduce my stress/reactions to things which cause my functionality to decrease. So, that's a bonus to taking it for me.

My nurse she's not that bad now.

So I could try telling her, she always says she knows it is real to me, I wonder what's the point sometimes, since she doesn't believe me.
She has said she can't help though and I told her the same thing.

So it will all be medication now, that's how it always goes. I did say I wasn't going to take it, but they have threats.
I have taken abilify before, I felt less anxious, but people always go on about mind control. I did, then I realised its not from the meds, it's because of the meds, makes it easier for them.

My Dr seems ok, but the truth is going to go as I'm sick, it already has, she's only going to update it.
It happened last time, I forgot all about it, she just said they could be ill.

Have you ever tried any other med than Abilify?

No and I only took that to get out of the hospital, but there were no side effects - so after a couple of weeks I stopped feeling sick.

I've just been texting my friend and I remembered something my ex psychologist said and we were talking about hospital and she said to show them I can manage ok.
That's not what I've been doing - I need to censor myself - before it's too late.

I need to remember who I'm talking to.