Roll Call Twelve

the reason i dont goto church is because i dont believe these mainstream baptist and even non denomational churches teach the full bible. and if yo look at some pastors they are more motivational speaking than teach from the bible and that makes me so angry. if they are running a church you need to speak from the bible. thats the whole point. not telling stories to motivate people!???! joel osteen...

I'm fine with motivating people, but the thing that makes me upset is when people think "well this pastor said it so it must be what God thinks." That's what bugs me. It's like people go to the doctor and say "this is what the doctor thinks so it must be law." We have people all the time call and say "but my doctor said your classes were free," well they are not, and the doctor shouldn't say that. Or "my doctor said my insurance will cover this." Ah well, only the insurance decides what is covered, they even tell you "just because we say this is an eligable benefit doesn't mean we'll pay for it." (It's so messed up if you pay attention to what they say.)

So, motivation is okay to a degree but like my friend here at work sends me Joel Olstene's daily emails all the time, and I'm just like... geeze... not everything is happy puppy rainbows. It's still just an opinion. I don't like t.v. preachers, even Joel Olstene, who seems less doom and gloomy and more "fun" and youthful. He's still a t.v. preacher putting on a show about his opinions, and that's fine but it tricks people into not thinking for themselves and that's what is bad. It's like a t.v. psychic. I believe in psychic ability and psychics. But t.v. psychics are frauds. Sylvia Brown, for example, and she's not very friendly, either. She told the mother of one of those Ohio Kidnapped victims, Amanda Berry, that Amanda was dead. The mom died with a heart broken that her poor daughter was dead. But really she was alive and had a baby! What a horrible way to hurt someone.

thats exactly what im talking about joel osteen always tells happy stories. but there are negative things in the bible but pastors ignore that! it seems there are some pastors that talk doom and gloom but too many talk about all this love in the bible which is true but the thing is its not all love and its not all apocalypse.

and i never believed in sylvia browne!!!

anyway
i wonder if i should just be happy with what i have in life. but in reality im not happy. then again idk what would make me happy.

edit//
when i think about it i know what my ideal life would be like but i still dont know if id be happy with it if it actually came to me.

It's like they say "be careful what you wish for" or the grass is always greener on the other side. Right? But, they also say we're afraid of change and what we don't know. I think making small steps toward what you want is better than none.

I find that having something to look forward to helps. Even if they are small things then slowly branch out. "I'm excited that I got a gift card to buy new shoes." That's a pretty small thing, but it's something to look forward to. Then, you know, as time goes you can try for bigger things. Just an idea.

thats a good idea faeirie

look even to the small things

but im always thinking "hey i got a gift card for new shoes but what do i do when the moneys gone?" i keep thinking about half empty glasses. almost gone. done.

...im wondering if i should add people idk in real life to facebook with my family on there n all. lol um...they are from groups i got into on facebook.

im thinking of becoming a fruitarian. im close to that anyways.

This will give a good laugh

https://www.youtube.com/watch?featur...&v=-JAvtM_K3_c

^^^^^^^^^^^^^

i dont want to call my "psychosis" a psychosis
nor do i want to call my "delusions" delusions
or "hallucinations" hallucinations.

they are all real. to me at least.

It's extremely hard to be a fruitarian and can lead to a lot of health problems due to lack of nutrients such as consuming complete proteins. Generally fruitarians only eat plant based foods that do not harm the plant; some will not eat nuts or seeds because it harms the unborn plant. You would restrict yourself from so much food by doing this. I never knew a fruitarian before, but I was a vegan for six years which excludes all and every animal product as much as possible. There are some things you can not avoid like the glue in books, but doing your best is good enough.

idk what all i animal products is but i already dont eat dairy or eggs and rarely meat. i eat a lot of vegetables and fruit and noodles. but my downfall why im still kinda flabby is eating fast food noodles and fries and chips and stuff. i drink energy drinks too. i know steve jobs died from pancreatic cancer and i think he was fruitarian or partially was. i wouldnt be a strict fruitarian but they said online fruitarians have at least 75% fruit diet and that almost me. but i love fruit so much. more than vegetables. i prob actuallt eat 25% fruit and 75% chips noodles and fries (stuff like that) and sometimes chicken.

It's not mental health related, but amazon just made delivery drones! It's so sick, shipping will be so fast now so if you ever needed something extremely important you can get it almost asap.

Amazon hopes drone delivery idea will fly - latimes.com

Too much fruit isn't a good thing due to the amount of sugar in them. Too much of anything can be bad, even water. Eating veggies is very good though and there is so much variety of veggies available. My boyfriend made stir fry today and it's the first time I've ever seen him enjoy and finish off his veggies. I recommend grilling or stir frying veggies if you aren't a fan of vegetables.

thank you

sometimes my dad will steam vegetables. or i just eat them raw. i like liquidated vegetables like juice u know.

stir fry seems good but i eat like chinese food when i ear stir fry style food.

I like those bolthouse farms veggie smoothies and they have other great flavours too.

Chinese food is good (but not so healthy) so you could always create your own to be healthier and it could help you lose weight.

my sister had to see the scene of my dad drunk this holiday.

i walked into his room tonight and started shaking. its traumatizing to have to be in there and remember the scenes of not just recently him being drunk and almost getting hurt but having seeing him almost die in his room.

i know i talk about much of my dad being drunk. sorry. its just...i cant get over it. im afraid hes always going to die. and thats partly why i cant leave my house cuz if i leave he will drink. my sis told me to tell him if he didnt quit drinking i should just leave but i dont feel i can leave this house.

I read a post in another forum that nearly made me cry. It reminded me of my childhood and my mother's desire to make me normal (or get the ASD out of me). Her efforts deeply hurt me. I understand she was trying to help, but knowing that (and her apology) doesn't really alleviate my hurt.

Now, I feel very shaky.

how do you feel about this?

Sad.

I often wonder how life would have went if I wasn't consumed with trying to be "normal" when I so desperately wanted to be me. (Now I strive to be me.)

My mother's urging nearly destroyed my relationship with her. For years I thought she did not like me. I used to tell people my mother only cared about me because I was her daughter, not because she liked me as a person.

Since I possess a lot of my father's personality traits, I can reason that the aforementioned isn't true.

Newtus, have you spoken to your dad about his drinking and how it affects you?

yes my sis helped me speak to him about it.
he broke down crying and says he will stop.
but i mean hes says hed stopd a lot of times so idk yet.
i had to sit/lay by his door all thanksgiving night to make sure he was ok til 4am.
i was so worn out the next day. cuz no sleep

we talked about him going to a program or outpatient/inpatient rehab or AA. he says no to everything.

I make stirfry at home. You can use whatever flavoring you like, it doesn't have to be Chinese or Japanese flavorting. And big bags of frozen veggies. I use all types of veggies like broccoli, corn, snap peas, carrots... anything really. I use chicken or shrimp in it but if you don't eat meat you dont' have to add it.

the other thread reminded me of something but i wanted to say it here.
im signing stuff to get my notes released from hospitals. i wanna know what they said about me.
espcially since they didnt give me diagnoses twice from places. there was NOTHING on the sheet...

I'm going to get pulled into a police van/car to get my brains shot out, thats how it's going to happen as soon as this is all finished.

Just text the police about them following me through the car park as well.

Making enemies on a daily basis.