Roll Call Twelve

Really sorry Newtus that sounds horrible, sorry you had to go through that

Tomorrow is the 12th so I'm feeling anxious about that, saw a funeral today, seemed played out for me.
I'm going out tomorrow, I know they are just going to follow me with cameras, but at least I can run. I have a new knife it's a gerber, the lock is tight, but it's small and cool and it's there for back up.

Meeting my nurse at the cemetery tomorrow as well.

I'm so sorry to hear that you went through that, Newtus. You're on multiple antipsychotics now? That's...really weird to hear, since I just read that multiple antipsychotics haven't really been shown to be more effective than one, except of course the side effects add up. I'd want the pdoc to pick ONE instead. I'm so sorry, it's really hard to hear that kind of stuff, and I think that most doctors try too hard to convince us that we're 'omg super sick' instead of talking about the possible models for recovery or whatever, no matter what's wrong. I don't think the label and such is really -that- important as opposed to problem solving what to do to lead a happier life.

Labels and listing my symptoms is helpful to me, but that doesn't mean it's helpful to everything. I imagine it can feel very demeaning. :<

thanks guys

yea idkk what to think about the two antipsychotics. but apparently im one of the sicker patients. but at this rate ill never lose weight. i keep gaining.

and my haldol is up to 100mg :/

i dont know what to do or think anymore.
a couple days ago i almost gave up on losing weight.
but i cant. cuz i dont want to be overweight yea but i also cant because im high risk for diabetes.

I have to come off my AP very soon as I have high IGF-1 that has increased since my last testing 8 months ago. The disorder is called Acromegaly. Thank goodness I don't have any outward signs yet; just high numbers and ailments here and there, which led to the testing in the first place.

I've been stable for the most part for a long time now so I am very concerned about changing my medication to something other than an AP. I'm thinking of trying Lamictal for my mood but there isn't anything I can try that would help with psychosis that doesn't work on dopamine regulation. Basically, I'm sht out of luck in that category unless I stay with the AP and go for brain surgery every several years, but that doesn't sound logical or feasible for that matter.

I had an appt. with my endo yesterday but the office was closed due to the snowstorm so I have to reschedule to go over my test results and possibly schedule an MRI.

I'm trying to be optimistic about the prospect of trying a totally different kind of med but I'm shtting a brick at the same time because I can remember how bad things can get.

i had punched a door so hard two days ago i ripped the skin off my knuckles.

that doesnt compare to how bad i cut my arm up tho :/

Newtus: I'm so sorry you had to go through that. That's terrible! I'm glad you didn't have to stay there any longer.

Weight loss is so frustrating. I have been gaining too but not on meds. But I"m so frustrated because I've been exercising and everything. And I know you just want to give up because it feels like you're not getting anywhere. But, in the end it's more than just weight. Even if you're not losing weight trying to eat healthy and exercise is the most important thing for your overall health. It's better to be overweight and exercise than overweight and do nothing. Hopefully you will find a way to at least stay at one weight and not continue to gain if you can't lose. That's my goal first, to stop gaining and then then I can start working on losing. But, for me I think something is wrong and going to the doctor next year.

Crisis team called - can't leave the house tonight and have to wait for a phone call before I leave tomorrow - at least they are calling early though.

KUREHA, take care of yourself--be safe........D.

Congrats on the good grades Medicalfox

That sounds horrible Newtus! Glad your out though

Yeah it must be scary to think that you have to try a new med that may not work as well as the one you're on after being stable for so long Cyber

I'm still concerned about you taking a knife out with you Kureha. I know you are scared but please stay safe

*Willow*

Oh NEWTUS.....Im so sorry you had to go through that.
(((hugs)))

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Best thing to do is listen to your nurse. She has always been kind and honest to you, right?

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Kureha, I hope everything goes okay for you tomorrow.

medicalfox: good job on your grades! That's excellent!

I'm in and out, a lot of anxiety coming and going. Work is stressing me out. I can't focus. I jump around in my head a lot right now.

I want to get a drawing pad for my computer. But I want a pad that you draw and can see it on the pad's screen... or you can draw on the monitor... both would be good. But, I want something portable so I can draw when I have an idea and not have to carry it home and forget. I don't know if that exists. I want to start a new comic. I need to do more with my creativity...

I feel like I have all this talent and it's going to waste. My writing is so come and go. I want to finish my stories and I will, but it will be a long time. I have other creativity that sits unused. I draw, I sing, I write music... but I want to put it on my computer too so I can share it.

I'm sorry you had that terrible experience, newtus. I'm glad you're out now.

My son has an interview for a peer support position at the mhc on Monday.

I'm going to die tomorrow, the crisis team are trying to sort something for me in the morning.

my nurse said i shouldnt be drivinng
well i already knew that.

i fear what all this medicine is gonna do to me.
i think 100mg haldol is the same as 10mg oral haldol.
then they added risperdal now!? again?! because i was already on it
and it made me lactate. lol at the hospital i said "it made my boobs lactate" and everyone looked at me - all the staff.

/and the demons are still haunting me! and i still fear the govt have microphones in my walls so what now? what are they trying to do to me kill me?!

im on 2 antipsychotics risperdal and seroquel but i mainly take the seroquel for sleeping.

i was off of work today so that was good. i found out i cant move apartments till januaray because walmart wont fill out these forms i need them to fill out. so im bummed about that. plus im just really tired right now so im going to bed.

Pleasant dreams junkDNA.

My son seems really stressed.

A lot going on. The class is ending. Maybe a new job. Now he's hooked up with another half-sister on fb. It's not too bad. He just seems worse than he's been for a while. I hope he can ride this all out. He's trying as hard as he can, I think.

the hospital let me out in TWO days.

my NURSE actually said "they shouldnt have let you out. too early" then called me pdoc on the phone with me in the room and said they shouldve kept her.

i was so very scared they were gonna put me back in the hospital the same day i got out.

i had LITERALLY just got out of the hospital an hour before i went to the nurse.

and she kept saying how i shouldve not gotten out.

thats not the first mental health person to say that i got let out too early and shouldve stayed in the hospital.

Costello, I hope your son will cope healthily. That would be a lot of stress for anyone. I hope he is able to start the new job if he wants to though, that sounds exciting. Maybe he and his friend will be able to lean on each other some?

For myself, I need to be quieter at work more. Goal.
...and sooooooo many rats. Rats everywhere. Plus fast ones. Otherwise okay except worried for upcoming tests for wife's health. Nothing to be done except wait and see though.

how are you gretta

Thank you for asking newtus. I am having a lot of visuals but okay with that. Worried about my wifes health. I am sorry to hear about your hospital experience. That does not sound helpful at all. I hope you will feel better - in spite of doctors and nurses.

I hope he copes too. I'm a little worried. He just called and told me he'd discovered something new about math and proceeded to spend 15 minutes telling me how he figured out a new way to calculate how long it's been since March 2005. It seemed to me to consist of counting from 2005 to 2013 then adding 10 months. But maybe I wasn't understanding him. He just kept counting it over and over. "2006 is year 1, 2007 is year 2, ..." and on and on. I told him I'd just subtract 5 from 13 and add 10 months or 5 from 14 and subtract 2 months.

Finally he gave up on trying to make me understand. I think he's stressed.

@costello - that does sound like a sign of stress, although is it possible that it sooths him? I guess it depends on how intrusive it is or becomes. Like finding new mathematical calculations is a hobby the way others might enjoy crochet, or model trains, or raising chickens.... . If it is something he can go over in his mind for awhile to create calmness - great. If it becomes an all consuming passion - maybe bad. I will hope for the former.