Roll Call Twelve

how are you texting the police kureha?

They have a text number, no is looking out for me, so I have to sort it myself.

My nurse is coming on Thursday - so at least I can talk to her about it.

**** the birds flew in an L formation the other day - I was thinking what does L mean, L is the 12th letter of the alphabet, this is the 12th month.

This could be the time I didn't want to come, took a lorazapam to calm down, but fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

How do you know?

An L? Not a V? Birds do that to make it easier for them. All except the front one can take advantage of the upwash from the birds in front of them.

Why should the birds want to tell you it's the 12th month?

How long ago did you take the lorazapam?

Was definitely an L, something like electrical pulses to get them to fly like that.

Letting me know this is the time.
I took 1 about 2 hours ago , feel less anxious, but still worried about this.
This is the time.

The other message because if the police drag me in the car/van it looks less suspicious.

I think this is the type of evidence that would be considered iffy. I wouldn't actually worry much about it. Is there anything you can do now to make yourself feel safer?

everyone i talk to says i should move. except my dad. my mom said i should. my sis did. ....you guys.....l0l.

but um no doubt my dad would be lonely without me and could possibly drink and die. no doubt id be lonely without him too. i feel like my life wouldnt change much living alone. possible even worse.

It's all happening because no time. Timeless time and fines and lines. Tell me again. What's the point of pointless points? I have no time. It's a die of cry of lie of sight. Sight is for the blind leading the blind. Nobody's listening. Making fun of me. Why? Die, lie, cry. Makes no sense of nonsense of nothing. Something, and everything too.

What about moving together somewhere closer to the city? Have you talked with him about the possibility?

yea hes not for it. he says he not into city living. plus he has commercial vehicles like construction equipment that cant be put on city propertys legally (multiple tractors. drump trucks. etc). he used to own his own construction company and says still wants to do the company.

i even try saying "lets move to oklahoma" because they have better services for mental health and only an hour away from where we currently live from the border of oklahoma. i said "we could even live in the rural there". but hes not for it. says i could move there. but im like "wtf" because id be alone and pose the same question(s) that i did in the last post.

ive tried talking him into this for 4 years and i still will try. but im sure nothing will cme out of it probably.

My boyfriend called me and told me that my cat has been crying very loudly for days now; his dad is finding it bothersome. She misses me so much and I thought she would be okay living with my boyfriend's dad. I feel terrible that my baby is suffering and I wish she could be here with me. The house I live in is very nice and my boyfriend's cousin probably doesn't want a cat being naughty in his house. I feel so sad. My poor baby. Maybe she could live in my room with me, but I'm not sure.

aw i hope you can find some sort of arrangement for this. my cats cry loudly even when im home. i think 1 of them dont like me... :/ lol

i think i ask for too much in life

but im also never happy with life.
never have been.

i do a lot of sitting in life. i sit a lot and just smoke. thats mainly what i do. and goto appointments of my pdoc or whatever.

Cats are weird haha. My cat hates being petted, but she will follow me every where I go and is my little shadow. I don't understand why she doesn't like being petted and it makes me sort of sad, but at least she's very loving and nice.

You should try and have a hobby. Mine make life a lot more meaningful and interesting. I took up knitting last year since I wanted to do something crafty and I can make scarves now

You dont ask for too much in life Newtus.

You are just feeling....stuck.

You want and need change.

That is healthy thinking.

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Do you write this poetry yourself Atypical?

You write beautifully. From the heart.

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1 of my cats is like that. then the other i dont think like me. one is a lap cat all over needy then the other bites n scratch.

the nice one is all black.
the crazy one is siamese.

ive always felt stuck in life. well... kinda

actually the times im happiest is when my life is physically packed with things to do. i always like to be busy. i think thats why i liked college because there was always something to do. only very few times got boring. but a lot of times boring becuz work was very confusing and hard and i gve up.

my ideal life before i got real sick with sz was dorm life in a university and going to philosophy club and drinkin coffee and talking philosophy over with a group of people in a cafe. intellectualize like sartre. but while i was in community college i got real psychotic. not just once but many many many times. college was just too stressful for me.

that is my current ideal life.
and i just gotta get thru my head that thats a fantasy. like if someone had the wife and kids or husband and kids with white picket fence fantasy.

I have known quite a few siamese cats to be that way.

Dont take.it personal, I think it is just how the breed can be.

They also lile to meow a lot.
Does yours?

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I get you.

Sounds like you need a change. A passion.
Something outside of your head.

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yes a lot and its still a kitten.

if i had known that i may not have gotten a siamese...

i dont take it too personal when animals dont like me. i like animals and pets but am no animal freak. if u get what i mean. and no to be offensive i mean. some people treat them like they are people or their kids. i dont.

the cat loves me but is just crazy thas all

..... Nevermimd.