Roll Call Twelve

@coyotetaught-that's ridiculous. I am so sorry.

I've been getting worse each day because to get the cow you gotta reach further. Humans are scary but is the bear crazy? Pray to the angels above, the fiery hell below watching my every move junk bills mail and fail whale. Praying is Godly but the evil of the computer error is moving on the train tracks. Fire on the wire, but buyer will come to me. Voices voices I need to do the Thing. Protection is what I need, beed and bleed. The Condition? Huh for the lifeforce. I can't figure it out, is it the brain seeds moving and growing into my skull. This Earth sucks.

coyote.... your mom is one of those people. You know, the ones who think it's a choice or that you're just overreacting or being dramatic. I'm sorry.

Firebird: I hope you feel better soon, I'm sorry you're having such a hard time.

It seems like a lot of people are having a hard time lately

I'm going to try to finish one last sociology assignment then when I get home it will be okay to cave in. This December has literally been the worse month for me in several years, mostly because of my pets. I think I'm becoming more psychotic because of their medical care so I'm thinking about surrendering my cat, but that could make me manic. To help myself I've been trying to be cleaner and more organized. I showered yesterday which I haven't done in a month and I did a lot of laundry. I plan on making a organized plan to help me. Small positive steps is the key to getting better. Just have to remain positive and hope the voices don't come during this time.

I wasn't able to do that sociology paper because I was too delusional to focus, but that's okay. I realized I should be happy and thankful that I completed this semester with Bs and As. I didn't fail my classes this semester even though I was hospitalized which is achievement for me. I'm still progressing in the right direction and doing well so that's all that really matters. I also took another dose of my risperdal which broke me out of my delusional spell so now I know I need an increase with my anti psychotic. I plan on calling my therapist later today to update her and to get an appointment in hopefully next week since this week I didn't manage to see her.

Sorry to hear this happened to you.

Is it time for you to take charge of your own medication? If not, can someone talk to your mom about this?

Anyone seen the bird drones.

Calling the crisis team last night because I don't think I can keep cool with my knife, just got a patronizing nurse on the phone, can't even remember a word he said.

Even though sometimes your posts are a symptom, much of what you write is beautiful, poetic and actually calming at times. Dont ever think its inapropriate to post sweetie. Think of it this way. Your symptoms can sometimes present as your incredible genious talent. (((hugs)))

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Thinking of you KUREHA.....((((Hugs)))

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Medicalfox: Congrats on the Bs and As! That's awesome! You should be super proud of yourself.

Kureha: I don't see bird drones. But, I'm not overly observent. I tend to be in my own little bubble of confusion. Even if I notice things I often forget about them until I'm reminded. Even super cool things I want to tell people...

But, I'm sorry the nurse was a jerk. I swear people in healthcare should have to be tested on empathy and sympathy on the job they are applying for...

I see lots of birds, but I don't think any of them are drones.

That's not helpful.

1 of the nurses there is really cool
He just sucked last night though.

Yeah been seeing bird drones, but they all say I'm hyper vigilant.

I have like 4 days max left and I've done nothing with my life.
Going to take them out when they come for me, wont even have time to go to prison.

We all have off days.

I think if a bird were a drone, it would have to be a good guy drone. Do they have good guy drones?

I don't know which half of this statement to argument over first.

You've been helpful here. Is that worth nothing?

I question whether it's true that you only have four days left. What evidence are you relying on?

Isn't there a risk you'll injure an innocent person based on faulty information?

I've also done nothing with my life for like 3 days. I'm starting to come out of the bad cycle today. I feel like my mind is coming up out of a deep ocean or something. So, don't feel bad Kureha, we all have hard days.

KUREAH, I have to agree with Costello on this one.

You have too much to accomplish and you are too important to everyone here on PC for drones to harm you.
Christmas is coming. The day of perpetual hope!

Anyone heard from newtus? It's been a couple days.

Getting very depressed. That means realistic. I think we are having money problems on top of all this stress. My life will never get better. There are things I can't say on here. I don't have a lot to say. I know that I have a new doctor appointment on next week if not canceled. I don't trust anyone or anything. What will cancel it? Weather? Sickness? Or Hell? I know some people have problems not eating while depressed but I have the opposite, pigging out. So that is all. Well its not really all but I don't want anything else on here.

I haven't.

Newtus logged in two days ago.

Something's wrong with my new chicks. They've all developed curled and bent toes. Some are worse than others. I've never seen this in any of my chicks before. The only differences with these chicks are 1) there are more of them (one old article suggested that if the heat source wasn't sufficient, the chicks would crowd together under it and somehow they're toes would get bent(?!?!?), and 2) these chicks have received buttermilk and cod liver oil. One old research article, though, actually suggested using cod liver oil to fix problems with feet and legs. And no one is saying buttermilk is harmful. Other people are using it - even with chicks.

I don't know what to do. I hope they don't all end up crippled.

I hope Newtus is okay. I know she was having a hard time.

Costello, I'm sorry about your chicks.

Anyone know of a psychiatrist i can talk to online?

Would all AP's make me as depressed and brain dead as risperidone?

I don't know of an online pdoc. I'm not sure how pdoc's are licensed. Would that be a state thing? Is it legal to practice medicine on the Internet? I found my son's pdoc on a website for an organization that encouraged psychological therapies for psychosis.

If the AP is making you depressed and brain dead (and you've been on it a while to allow the side effects to settle down), you should talk to your pdoc about lowering the dose or changing meds. That's no way to live.

Sorry about your chicks Costello

Crisis team still pissing me off - just because I talk about a knife - they get all angry with me- why????????????????

Well I'm down to 3 days ffs

I wish I could see the cool nurse - she's awesome

Thanks, faerie. It's distressing to watch their perfect little toes all curl up.