[BadFish1519]

So I have always been reserved with speech but I felt that my sarcasm and actual intelligence held me up as a conversationalist. I just feel like all of a sudden I lost contact with what people actually talk about when in social circumstances. I've heard the term "shoot the ****" and of course the saying "********ting". I guess I never really put much thought into what they actually meant until I started going through psychosis. I felt like a lot of people were calling me out about drinking too much or not talking enough, and generally not getting "it". But now after checking with a close confidant that was around me A LOT during my last few months of social gatherings, she says she never recalls any of that being said by anyone. Actually in fact that I kept to myself so much and didn't start any unnecessary drama that I was rather well liked and respected. In the beginning I noticed people mentioning and talking about drugs way more than I ever had noticed, I figured it was just what people were into. There was a lot of slang terms for the drugs that I didn't know so I just drifted off and didn't pay much attention, but somewhere through out the conversations I started to think that the conversations were some how directed at or about me even though drugs still seemed to be the main focus. The best way I can describe it is this: I felt like you had to make inanimate things alive, like drugs, and talk for them then other people would call out what you were talking about and then next talk to the point that they were talking as someone else, by using their mannerisms and their verbal habits, and others had to know who they were supposed to be. But they wouldn't just say who you were talking about instead they too would make something else inatimate come alive (here's where "be real" comes in) but do it as the person who was intially being talking would say it and so on and so forth. I heard the term "be real" more times then I can count and eventually I began to think "Real" had a something to do with being able to talk as other people. And if you were always yourself and never impersonating another person for entertainment purposes and to sport game than you weren't exciting to be around or "in the moment". You would have to make people and objects/items be as close to the 5 senses as you could make them without actually directly mentioning who or what it was, that was the game. I felt like there was a lot of circle talking going around and eventually I started accusing people of "talking around me" or "talking at me not to me".

I know this is rather hard to follow and perhaps psychotic sounding but I would appreciate any feedback and your interpretation of what I said.

[BadFish1519]

that marked out spot is "BSing"

[faerie_moon_x]

Hi, I'm sorry you're having a hard time.

It is kind of hard to follow so I'm going to see if I can summarize if this is what you mean (this is what I understand.)

That when at gatherings you were being called out for drinking and starting drama, but your friend said that never happened. And that taking drugs would help you speak for inanimate objects. Or that you were able to talk as someone else.

I guess my first question is if you already have a diagnosis or not. Next question is what type of drugs? I want to point out that drugs and alcohol can mess up your perception of things pretty badly, and this may not be psychosis, or if it is some drugs can induce psychosis. I would say maybe the first step is to go without drugs or alcohol for a while and see if the probelm continues. Or, if you already have a pdoc maybe make an appointment and see what they think.

[BadFish1519]

I never actually took the drugs, I was saying that as people talked about drugs I felt like they were trying "to be real" and make drugs have speech. As Like what a drug would say if it were able to speak. I dunno it sounds for lack of a better word stupid. But I just mean taking things that aren''t alive i.e. don't have speech and giving it to them.

[BadFish1519]

I am diagnosed schizophrenic, I hear the voices of people I know in real life in my head.

[faerie_moon_x]

Oh, I see, thanks for clarifying. I don't think it sounds stupid. I wish I had some advice for you, but just know I hope you find some peace of mind soon. It sounds like you're having a hard time right now.

[BadFish1519]

You're very kind and it is very appreciated. What I'm having the hardest time with is finding people whose voices happen to be people that they know in real life. Sure I hear plain voices too, but that isn't very often. I was taught by the voices i.e. my mother (at the time I really believed it was her) that it is a coming of age universal truth that once you reach a certain age you are able to communicate with your mind, pretty much telepathy but with guidelines. Many guidelines in fact there is a complete story for every question that I ask. It makes it very difficult to stay in the reality of it not being true. If I ignore it and try to be around people things will be said that lead me to think that it is true. I hear a lot about "calls, money, work and phones". It's all ways to refer to the act of using your mind to communicate. I wish I could find stories of people who mostly hear people they know so I would feel like I'm not alone in this, but so far all I find when I look for things like this are people who hear family or friends "sometimes, but not very often". My voices talk more about social status than anything and I hear from people in my community (in my head) that I never really talked to, but they have something to say about how I'm not "holding up" the right things. And I was taught holding up was what you were saying on a certain level in your head. There are three levels apparently. One level for social status (where you have to say certain things for people in order to stay at the status that you have.), one level for your thoughts, and one level just for talking. Then I started thinking 3 levels = conscious, sub conscious and non conscious. Non conscious would be the social level because you don't really spend time in your head dealing with that, you have to do that in person but it's what you would hear around you when you are in a social gathering. Sub conscious would be your thoughts. And conscious would be your talking that you do in your head to others. That's just an example of how in depth the voices will go to get me to believe that they are really the people that I hear. I just wonder if anyone else has this fear, but I can't seem to find anything,

[punkybrewster6k]

Maybe a good idea would be to start a new thread with the question
"People you know talking inside your head"
That would be a good start in finding others with this same problem.
You are not alone with this issue.