Roll Call 19

what do i do about my paranoia? i took my meds

i had a dream where i was hallucinating in my dream. it was a nightmare. i was scared. in my dream i tried to call T buy my phone was broken. i woke up a lot in the night.

i guess no one can help me. but i know i cant expect anyone to. i dont think anyone can probably.

Morning newtus. I'm here, but I have no idea how to help you, especially if you took all your meds.

I'm having a rotten day too. I'd like pets, but I'm afraid I'll be locked up again and there will be no one to care for them.

That's because you won't like the answer---if you want less paranoia you need a higher and more consistent dose of meds than what you are on now. You should talk to your new pdoc about optmizing the dose there may be a balance you can work out or maybe try one of the newer meds like latuda?

Yeah. My great-grandma and great-grandpa had very hard to read handwriting, but I tried. English was also their 2nd language so you can tell they weren't good at wringing in English. Some letters are in Italian, so I think I'll use google to translate them.

It's also cute because my dad was only 5 at the time, so sometimes when writing to his dad they would put in things my dad wanted to say. It's amazing my dad still has these things.

I think Sometimes is probably right about the meds. Maybe if you talk to your pdoc and say you still want to be creative but to have better control on your paranoia you can work together to find something that works. I don't really know enough about meds to be helpful in that area.

Or maybe you can keep a CBT journal and write down anything that could be paranoia and work through it. I just ahd a notebook I used for a while. Nothing special.

Do it like this:
A = Activiating: example A car was following me
B = Belief: example that car is probably a spy
C = Consequence: example because I think this car is following me it's making me paranoid, I won't get to my destination, I'm afraid to leave the house.
D = Dispute: example Maybe this car isn't following me and just happens to need to go in the same direction as me. There are a lot of stores/businesses over here, and some houses. Maybe they are going to one of those.

Oh, I found this worksheet for it. You can use this for lots of things, I've discovered, even anxiety and negative thinking.

http://www.willbaum.com/wp-content/u...hought-Log.pdf

ive tried latuda it made me gain weight. dont get me wrong im open to hearing things. im trying to take my meds as consistantly as i can i promise. i feel slightly insulted.

i will definitely take your advive faerie moon

please dont take me wrong everyone. im trying my best. i took my meds this morning. i remembered!

It seems to me like you're not on the right dose for your psychosis. I'm concerned about you.

you think so? i mean i never thought about dosing. only that i need to take it? i mean i thought about how i was on too much during the injection.

Well now you have the chance to increase it enough to where it's effective for you but doesn't cause too many side effects, you still have control right now and I'd hate to see that taken away because of a relapse.

im about to go in to the pdoc right now. ill see what i can do.

hey! i bought a hamster.

Good luck!

I'm not sure why you feel insulted...every day there is a post about how you forgot to take your morning med so you are taking it at some random point during the day instead of at a set time if you remember it at all---its not meant to be insulting or judging its just the reality of what you are experiencing right now. The dose you are taking is much lower than your injection but you weren't open to trying a 5mg or even 7mg dose to see how it affected you. Just because its higher doesn't mean it will be sedating like the shot. The shot could have been equivalent to as much as 10mg or more given how frequently they were giving it. I recommended doing a slower taper so you'd have to start at 7-10mg and then go down more slowly...a lot of what you are experiencing right now is probably due to drug withdrawal and not innate psychosis so if you want to stop whats happening now I would increase the dose and once stable try going back down at a much slower rate. IMO you should come clean with your pdoc and let her stabilize you....but really I'm going to apologize if I do sound I don't know irritated or judgmental because my emotions are all over the place last couple of days its like they are coming back after a long hibernation and I'm not quite sure how to handle them so I seem to be yelling at people for no reason today. So sorry if I offended you with the previous post or this one...

Sorry you're in the hospital, but glad you're safe.

Glad she's feeling better! Max had a bath today. He was very good in the bath, but got quite growly when I tried to dry him with the hairdryer (he hates the noise), so I gave up. But he smells nice now

That sounds difficult I usually just try to avoid everyone and hibernate in my bedroom when I'm irritable, but that doesn't really help you when you have to go to work etc :/

*Willow*

im about to give up on psychiatry. icant stand this sh_t.

Yeah I'm thinking about taking a break from the forum so at least I'm not yelling at people here---but like in lab meeting the new girl could not properly answer a question after three tries from the boss so I was just like what media is it in and two people were seriously like whoa back it down because I was so loud and I was a little shocked myself. It was like why do I even care because really why I don't it was just unchanneled irritation...

Take a break if you need, to. It's good to identify when things are going off the rails like that.

Newtus: I'm sorry it sounds like things didnt' go so well.

take a break sometimesP. i wont lie you offended me a little because im really trying. but i get what your saying ok?

maybe i just shouldnt talk about my symptoms so much on here i wonder. im probably complaining too much or saying too much. idk.

This probably has nothing to do with how much you are talking this is my problem I am just being a huge jerk right now I noticed it last night but its not going away...which sucks because I was just starting to feel better [sigh]...see you guys later...

Sometimes: I hope you feel better.

Newtus: I don't think you say too much. I think it's good for you to express things. I know you are trying and I know you've been through some hard things that are not easy to deal with. don't give up